Friday Piss Me Off
I know what you’re all thinking. And it’s disgusting. I hope you don’t kiss your Mother with that, err… mind?!
But aside from that, you’re thinking “What’s pissing you off, Nasty Evil Ninja?”.
And so I shall tell you.
What’s up with kids strangling themselves in the cords on window blinds? It’s everywhere at the moment, and parents are rallying together to ban these cords on blinds.
How about, you know, tying them up out of reach? Or, may I suggest the children STOP putting their heads in there? Maybe it’s natural selection?
I wasn’t exactly a model child, and if anyone was a prime candidate of hanging themselves accidentally or for fun, I was it. I should point out here that I never managed to throttle myself in any window blind cords, so if I didn’t, fuck these retards who do. And the parents crying about it? They’re not a fucking new invention, are they?
What’s next? Banning refrigerator doors because Little Johnny smashed his head in with one, passed out face down in the tub of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!’ and died of hypothermia??? Fuck right off.
Filthy Great Linking Bloggers
Yes, I KNOW all I have to do is click the link to your other blog, and it SHOULDN’T be a hassle… but it IS!
How about YOU click on Ctrl+A and then Ctrl+V and put the whole blog on here, you know – where you’ve pasted the link?
Spastic Car Drivers
OK, so I need to be a lot more specific here: the car drivers who move over to try and stop motorcycles getting past them.
WTF is the point? I mean, really?
They’re going to overtake you anyway, and it’s not like they’re inconveniencing you in any way is it?
This is even worse when the bike is filtering through traffic up to a junction or traffic lights – which is completely legal, in the Highway Code, and actively encouraged by Police and advanced riding organisations.
Fuck you and your wing mirrors, you selfish cunts.
“That Causes Cancer!”
Smoking. Drinking. Artificial sugars. Exercising. Not exercising. Pies. Driving.
Look, EVERYTHING causes fucking cancer. What the fuck is the point of not doing something because “it gives you cancer!” when every day we find out something else we’ve been doing gives you cancer anyway?
Fuck your cancer and fuck your pointless scaremongering!
Soap Opera Headlines
Why is something that happens/did happen in a soap opera headline news?
It’s not real, you pathetic bunch of Joeys!!!!!!
I could write something into a shitty soap opera that will make headlines, too – how about I write in a story about a Muslim lesbian rapist who strangles small children with blind cords? It’ll be the FIRST TIME EVER on screen!
No, wait… I just made that up, you spanners! So did they!!!
Presents From A Random Cat
I was backing my bike down my driveway yesterday when I hit an obstruction. I thought it was just a stone under a wheel, so gave a good hard shove to roll over it, and it suddenly rolled free again.
When I got off the bike I was confronted with the brains of a Sparrow sprayed all over my front tyre and driveway!
I’m assuming this is yet again the work of a cat (possibly the neighbours which we seem to have semi-adopted), and is the fourth dead-animal gift left there in five days.
At this rate there’ll be no damned wildlife left in the area!
So thanks but fuck you, Rebel, you murderous little shit!
(and pink splattered bird brains are NASTY!)
What’s pissing you off at the moment?