First off – yes I am still alive. I know I’ve neglected you lot for… *checks* 6 years?!? But now I’ll make up for that…
“Are you going to finally post all the old erotic blogs you’ve been edging us with for the last ten years?”
No, no I am not!
But I am going to give you a chance to jump on a rocket that’s about to launch to the moon – and make you so rich! Seriously.
So, up until January 2021 I assumed the stock market was for rich people to take even more money off poor people – especially idiots like me who have no idea about it and would have probably fallen asleep before you could have told me what NYSE stood for.
I had, however, been wishing I’d invested in Bitcoin 20 years ago because I quite fancy being a millionaire. So I was sort-of giving it all the side-eye trying to make some sense of anything and not lose the meagre savings I have.
I saw a few random rumblings about GameStop (GME) stock that seemed exciting, and so I had a look at Reddit for the first time to try and find out what it was all about.
Long story short – that lead to me buying into a rollercoaster ride with the first shares I’ve ever held, and 8 months (so far) of extremely intensive studying of the US stock markets. It’s been a proper obsession and you will not believe how corrupt the whole thing is.
Basically, the rich boy club hedgefunds and bankers are screwing the economy and the retail traders (people like you and me) for every penny we have, and their so-called regulators were at the least doing nothing, and at worst in partnership with them. That’s getting better with the new head of the SEC, but my play to make a quick profit with GME stock has also now become a stand against the greed of these scumbags taking all the money and bankrupting innocents companies so that they can profit.
You can find all that stuff on Reddit, though.
The important thing that you need to know is that the hedgies and banks have ‘naked shorted’ (sold shares that they don’t own and have fraudulently created in order to drive the stock price down) GME shares expecting the company to die – but millions of people (or Apes, if you want to properly join us!) have bought shares that we refuse to sell back to them. This means that they will need to buy back all of the shares many times over (they’ve shorted somewhere between 140% and 9000% of the number of shares that should exist), which in turn means the stock price will go to unheard-of levels.
The current share price is $160. In January we would have sold for $1000. Since finding out all the fuckery that’s going on to rig the stock market, we’re now thinking more like $40 million. Per share.
That’s not a bad return.
This is known as a ‘short squeeze’ – but bigger than any before because of their greed in trying to destroy the company.
If you don’t trust that, then consider that GameStop have hired a dream team of management and aim to rival Amazon, have cleared all of their debt, raised $2 billion in capital, and have massive plans to transform for the future. The stock price is estimated to be worth anything from $600 to $2000 within the next few years. This really is a no-brainer to invest.
For some reason I have to make it clear that this is not financial advice, and you should do what you want with your money and not listen to me. I’m just a smooth-brained ape.
But seriously, buy yourself just one share as soon as you possibly can. Assume that money is lost… but what if that $160 gets you $40 million?! You really want to pass that chance up???
If you have a bank account, you can probably open up a Stocks and Shares ISA within minutes with your bank, through your app or online. The downside is that they will charge you about £10 per trade, and make it as hard as possible to understand what to do (they don’t want the poor people getting money from the stock market). Don’t be shy about that fee – it will be nothing to you out of your overall profit.
If you’re in the UK, any profit you get back will be tax free, rather than the 20% Capital Gains Tax you’ll be liable for through other methods. Don’t get scared about this, because you’ll be able to pay an accountant to sort all of this out for you afterwards while you spend six months on a sunny beach deciding what you want to buy.
“I’m not paying fees!”
I hear you – I started out this way, too!
There are a few free brokers you can use. Do some research on them.
If you want to use one of the ones I’m with and possibly get free stuff, feel free to use these links:
eToro – very easy to use, but I’m still not sure how much they can be trusted when our balances start to look like telephone numbers. I hope they’re ok, but they’re not as safe as a bank.
DeGiro – Supposedly a little ‘safer’ but there is a small fee with these. But you can buy GME and AMC (if you want the slightly dodgy, cheaper younger cousin).
“Oh, I see, you’re just trying to get me to sign up so you get $50!”
FFS I’ve just said we’re aiming for at least $40 MILLION PER SHARE! I really don’t give a shit about $50, plus it’ll take months for me to see it – but it might at least be a nice nod of thanks to me for changing your life. Feel free to find your own. (but FFS don’t use Robinhood)
Make no mistake – this is the biggest transfer of wealth from the rich to the poor in the history of the world.
This is going to happen very soon, and the only question is exactly how much the share price will go to.
This is a once in a lifetime opportunity and will potentially net you wealth to not only get a Lambo and drink champagne, but to do good with!
How about buying houses for those in need to use? Buying hospital equipment? Making sure your family never have to worry about money ever again?
Screw your National Lottery ticket – this is a sure thing.
We’re going to the moon, baby!