Following on from my rant yesterday about everyones knee-jerk reaction to children grappling inside a ‘cage’, watching the news today confirmed why people are even thinking this way.

So what was todays ‘Get Nasty Evil Ninja Swearing And Wanting To Slap The Eyebrows Off People’ story?

School bans leather footballs from playground

*breathes deeply and counts to 10*

So, in case any of the little darlings in our schools get hurt whilst standing around in the areas where other children are playing ball games, schools across the UK have started to ban the use of traditional leather footballs in favour of sponge balls.

Yeah?!  I’ll tell you who’s got the fucking sponge balls!  YOU, YOU HEALTH & SAFETY COCK-NOSES!!!

We’re already shit at football in England, and now they’re taking away the realism of even learning to hone our skills in the playground?  Get real!

If you get hit in the head with a ball, then chances are you were playing in the same area as they were playing ball games.  Or playing the game yourself.  Either way it’s tough titty!

What next?  Ban kids from running around lest they have a little fliddy fall over and tear their petticoat?

Ban them from bending down or jumping?

Hopscotch?  Jumping on ONE leg?  Oh no no no!  They must now walk, trying to keep both feet on the floor and wearing a special helmet, elbow and knee pads!

Our kids are already getting more retarded with each year, so how the Hell is pandering to the lowest common denominator helping anyone?  Let the clumsy little bastards hurt themselves and they might learn not to do it again – don’t change the whole fucking World around them to make amends!


They already brought in a rule years ago that kids aren’t allowed to play conkers without first wearing protective goggles, games like British Bulldog was banned on the first day of every term all through my school life, and I’ve even heard from a friend in Canada that they’ve banned the netting on the backs of the goal in case kids ‘get tangled up in them’!?!

They can’t even do Sack Races in school sports days, incase they fall over…  Not that they’d be allowed to win or lose the race, anyway…

Do they still let kids do science lessons?  I’m sure craft lessons are long gone to stop them accidentally stabbing themselves or bludgeoning each other to death with cotton reels and crepe paper!

It’s time the fuck-tards in charge of Health and Safety accept that humans have been doing this crap for centuries without dying out.  Surely Judges and solicitors can get real and throw out cases on the grounds of Darwinism?

Yeah, the meek are inheriting the Earth, alright…


Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off.  It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the Holiday Season’, ‘the Festive Period’ or whatever else you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop.  It.


This year, most of us sensible ones will have managed to do almost all our CHRISTMAS shopping online.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there!  I mostly use one of those self-scan thingies at the local supermarket to dodge the queues, but now all the Christmas Numpties have caught on to it, too.  Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area.  Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July?  I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt.  Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas.  And let me just tell you something:


You’re not going to starve to death!  Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And what’s with all the wheelchairs and stuff?

Is it just me, or is every cripple in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year?

It’s no wonder so many shops are going bust – I couldn’t even get to the damn stuff for Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd they can.  And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!


And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.


Hey – What Do I Get For NOT Having Kids???

Hey – What Do I Get For NOT Having Kids???

Parents spend their whole life having a whinge.

Most people can’t remember how much they whinged before they had kids, but once they have managed the near-impossible and highly skilled act of getting pregnant, it’s nothing but moaning.



Suddenly they’re entitled to everything.

Oh they’ll moan that school and college is expensive, but what they won’t want to see is that MY taxes are paying for the -ing school to be there in the first place!  And what do I get from it?

An investment in the future?  Yeah right!  Aren’t we all going to die of Global Warming/cancer/AIDS/starving to death whilst unsable to get off Facebook, anyway???

Now, ignoring the fact that when your kid gets sick sometimes YOU’LL be the one who has time off work to look after them, what about the holidays you get for free such as maternity/paternity leave?

Is there a version of that for the childless that we can apply for?

And then the Gubbinmint give you money. Just… GIVE you a payment each week.  For having a baby you couldn’t afford to pay for on your own.  “Sure – we’ll give you money towards that!  Why not have another kid and we’ll give you even more!”



Shouldn’t I get some kind of bonus for NOT costing the country money in benefits?  Oh no, that’s right – I get to pay for it instead!

It’s simple enough to control.  I mean, if you have kids then you lose the childless benefit and go onto the ones for having children.  Hell, it might even be some kind of incentive for people to WORK and not turn into layabout dole scum!

I know we’re never supposed to speak out about this kind of thing, and all the parents instantly get the pitchforks out if anyone without children dares to form any kind of opinion about issues to do with parenting, but doesn’t this make sense?

If the parents had to fund yearly Singles Holidays for the childless then how would they feel about that?  And yet they’re fine with the childless paying towards their benefits, hospital bills and time off work.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: It’s much harder NOT to have children than it is TO have them!  Can you imagine the peer pressure a couple gets when they don’t have a baby?  can you imagine the pain and anguish it can cause when you fucking imbecile Breeders drop hints and put the pressure on, when a couple doesn’t want kids – or even worse, they CAN’T have them?

I bet you’ve said it to someone.


And then to add insult to injury I have to pay stupid money for condoms to avoid getting into the whole benefits situation in the first place!


Friday Piss Me Off

Friday Piss Me Off

I know what you’re all thinking.  And it’s disgusting.  I hope you don’t kiss your Mother with that, err… mind?!

But aside from that, you’re thinking “What’s pissing you off, Nasty Evil Ninja?”.

And so I shall tell you.


Hanging Blinds

What’s up with kids strangling themselves in the cords on window blinds?  It’s everywhere at the moment, and parents are rallying together to ban these cords on blinds.

Err… WTF?!?!

How about, you know, tying them up out of reach?  Or, may I suggest the children STOP putting their heads in there?  Maybe it’s natural selection?

I wasn’t exactly a model child, and if anyone was a prime candidate of hanging themselves accidentally or for fun, I was it.  I should point out here that I never managed to throttle myself in any window blind cords, so if I didn’t, fuck these retards who do.  And the parents crying about it?  They’re not a fucking new invention, are they?

What’s next?  Banning refrigerator doors because Little Johnny smashed his head in with one, passed out face down in the tub of ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!’ and died of hypothermia???  Fuck right off.

Filthy Great Linking Bloggers

Yes, I KNOW all I have to do is click the link to your other blog, and it SHOULDN’T be a hassle… but it IS!

How about YOU click on Ctrl+A and then Ctrl+V and put the whole blog on here, you know – where you’ve pasted the link?

Spastic Car Drivers

OK, so I need to be a lot more specific here: the car drivers who move over to try and stop motorcycles getting past them.

WTF is the point?  I mean, really?

They’re going to overtake you anyway, and it’s not like they’re inconveniencing you in any way is it?

This is even worse when the bike is filtering through traffic up to a junction or traffic lights – which is completely legal, in the Highway Code, and actively encouraged by Police and advanced riding organisations.

Fuck you and your wing mirrors, you selfish cunts.

“That Causes Cancer!”

Smoking.  Drinking.  Artificial sugars.  Exercising.  Not exercising.  Pies.  Driving.

Look, EVERYTHING causes fucking cancer.  What the fuck is the point of not doing something because “it gives you cancer!” when every day we find out something else we’ve been doing gives you cancer anyway?

Fuck your cancer and fuck your pointless scaremongering!

Soap Opera Headlines

Why is something that happens/did happen in a soap opera headline news?

It’s not real, you pathetic bunch of Joeys!!!!!!

I could write something into a shitty soap opera that will make headlines, too – how about I write in a story about a Muslim lesbian rapist who strangles small children with blind cords?  It’ll be the FIRST TIME EVER on screen!

No, wait… I just made that up, you spanners!  So did they!!!

Presents From A Random Cat

I was backing my bike down my driveway yesterday when I hit an obstruction.  I thought it was just a stone under a wheel, so gave a good hard shove to roll over it, and it suddenly rolled free again.

When I got off the bike I was confronted with the brains of a Sparrow sprayed all over my front tyre and driveway!

I’m assuming this is yet again the work of a cat (possibly the neighbours which we seem to have semi-adopted), and is the fourth dead-animal gift left there in five days.

At this rate there’ll be no damned wildlife left in the area!

So thanks but fuck you, Rebel, you murderous little shit!

(and pink splattered bird brains are NASTY!)


What’s pissing you off at the moment?