TalkTalk Rant

TalkTalk Rant

For those of you who aren’t familiar, TalkTalk are a broadband and home phone provider, and the ‘Rainbow Song’ that I keep referring to is this:

Again and again and again and again.  Just imagine how many times that song on a loop fits into 4 hours?  So here is the letter I’m sending in to them to resolve some issues:
– – – – – –
Dear TalkTalk,

Whilst generally I would say I am happy with the service I’ve received, having thought about it for a while, I am now wondering why.

For well over a year the connection has just become ‘expected’ to drop out on average two times per hour.  For the last few months, between the hours of 17:00 and 23:00 this can be expected to be ten times per hour… twenty times… sometimes much more.  I’m not entirely sure how this ever became acceptable?

Still, for the privilege of this service, it appears that the price plan which I am on hasn’t even existed for at least the last seven months.  It hasn’t existed because it has been replaced by one costing half the price.

Apparently, this isn’t worth actually mentioning to me, despite the initial contract I was tied to being over well before this.

On the number of times I’ve had to call your technical support because of total failures in internet connection, your staff have managed to remedy the problems and get me back connected to the dodgy service – obviously only for between 2 and 30 minutes at a time as usual.

Even better, during these phonecalls whilst waiting for several hours to speak to support, I’ve had the extreme ‘joy’ of discovering that TalkTalk has one, and only one song that they own the rights to.

Yes, this means I have spent approximately four hours of my life to date listening to some weak, soulless hippie singing that f**king ‘Rainbow’ song.

Over and over and over and over again.  The SAME b*stard song.

Whilst this may be just dandy from your point of view, to any customer actually having to sit through it, I can assure you that it is an experience which quickly induces a state of psychosis and depression during which I have often considered eating my own face to get it to stop.  The cat has recieved numerous murderous glances just for making a sound or being within my red-misted field of view as the phone speaker cracks as I’m again informed “There’ll be a rainbow” as the c*ck-nosed singer reaches the crescendo of the chorus.  Again.

Personally, I hated the song anyway, but I should imagine that ANYONE calling the TalkTalk technical support line, even the biggest fan of the Rainbow song in the world, would at the very least hate it with a passion afterwards.

Anyway, enough about the dreadful music.

What I propose is I leave TalkTalk and go to a broadband provider who can afford more than one song.  Actually, considering how much I have been overcharged as a long-term customer, it’s quite amazing that you don’t have the funding to spend on an 80s mix tape or something instead?

Alternatively, I propose that my price plan is changed to reflect every other TalkTalk customer (i.e. dropped to the regular lower price), and the additional months where I overpayed be credited to my account.

Also I would like an engineer to come out to check the TalkTalk line and equipment, and think it would be rather nice to have them swap my ‘g’ router for the far more functional ‘n’ type like all the top broadband providers supply.

Yours sincerely,

Nasty Evil Ninja

Oulton Park Trackday 06/07/10

Oulton Park Trackday 06/07/10

I thought I was going to Rockingham on Monday morning, but found it was sold out!  I had a forlorn mooch around thinking I’d missed my second trackday of the year and had to wait again, and then saw my favourite track – Oulton Park – on the Club MSV website with spaces left!

After a brief panic over which bike to hire as my usual Lady Snoots were at Rockingham, I called up Matt at Smallboy trackbikes and much to his surprise he was suddenly booked to get a Suzuki GSXR600 K7 there for me the next morning.

After spending the night doing my ritual of cleaning and waxing my leathers and getting the cams charged and ready, then getting about 24 seconds of sleep (IT’S BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS!!!), I shot up the M6 on my trusty ZX9R and arrived.

For some reason there weren’t many people there.  I think there were closer to 20 in each group than the usual of more than double that, but I figured this was a good thing for my second time in the Intermediate Group.

Matt of Smallboy was there with his Dad, who wasted no time getting a coffee into my hand (excellent service all day of coffee’s and even cleaning my visor for me), and I was surprised to recognise Matt as the one who gave the safety briefing when I was last at Mallory Park.

I’ve always had a thing against Suzuki’s, but thought I’d give it a go.

As it turned out the bike was very easy to ride.  I loved having a slipper clutch for the first time, and the Bridgestone tyres were sticky and never let me down.  I started scraping my knee around Island bend in the very first session!

Better still, only one bike came past me in the first few sessions – and that was a 1000cc so it doesn’t count!  I seemed to be well on the pace in the group, and overall the group was very even.  This meant with small group sizes we all got loads of track space to concentrate on our own riding.

There were no big offs, although on the final lap of one session it seemed like about 4 bikes had gone off all over the place!  Nothing serious…

In the 6th session we saw the only red flag as someone managed to get it on the grass at the top of Clay Hill.  I got it on camera but you can’t see much… He was braking down on the grass and scrubbed most of the speed off before hitting one of the strategically placed hay bales and somersaulting over!

It was good meeting up with some of the TDR forum members as I was all on my lonesome again, and hopefully I’ve got some video footage of them that will be on YouTube soon!

Photo’s were great and I had an awesome day!  I was timed me with a 2:07 lap (under 2:20 would have done me quite happily!) and I reckon when I look back over the footage I can knock a couple of seconds off that, so I’m chuffed to bits!

A great day out – why doesn’t EVERYONE do it???


Chasing a GSXR750 (he comes past around 1:50 in):

The crash up Clay Hill:

Spies Spy On People SHOCKER & Getting Flashed By A Nazi

Spies Spy On People SHOCKER & Getting Flashed By A Nazi

It’s all over the news at the moment – they’ve caught some female spy who was… wait for it… SPYING!

Fancy that!  Whatever next?  Bakers in Making Bread shocker???

I arrived at the conclusion that all news these days is aimed at spastics quite a while ago, but things like this still pop up and anger me.

FFS does anyone really think no spying goes on these days?  Just because there are a few James Bond films doesn’t mean MI6 don’t REALLY exist!

Every country has spies.  Funnily enough, their job is to spy on people and not get caught.

Like… Durrrrr!

The other genius bit of reporting was when yesterday it was all over the news that from that day onwards one of our £20 notes was no longer valid to spend.  No chance of reporting that a week before so we have a chance to change them, then?  Fucking tits.

And this morning I got flashed!

No – not the cock-and-balls-in-a-trenchcoat type, unfortunately.

I was riding out of a 30mph zone into a 40mph zone behind a couple of cars.  The lead car was still doing under 30mph well into the 40, so, as any Police biker will advise you to do, I took the opportunity to ‘make progress’.

It’s a straight, well-sighted road, easily wide enough for me to overtake whilst not even crossing over the centre line of the road, so I overtook, still actually doing LESS than the 40mph limit.  Nice and easy, safe, and no drama.

Except there was a car coming in the opposite direction, and he flashed his lights at me like I was raping his Mother over his bonnet and about to make him crash into a ravine!

What the fuck???

How did I in any way affect his driving, or cause any kind of unsafe situation?  I sat bolt upright with both arms out in a questioning gesture.  What was he angry about?  Had he successfully judged my speed and road safety from 50 metres down the road and found them wanting?

I seriously considered turning around and having a word with them to find out what the problem was.  Although I guess I know the problem was that they were a Traffic Nazi.

It should be noted that they appeared to be holding up the car immediately behind them… go figure…


flash3.jpg picture by NastyEvilNinja

Failing The Driving Theory Test…

Failing The Driving Theory Test…

… is what I didn’t do!

I got 49 out of 50 for the questions, 66 out of 75 for hazard awareness video test, and a new Chicken Temptation footlong from Subway.

A pass is 43, 44 and a 6” Sub Of The Day respectively.

I held off on saying it was a piece of piss until I read the letter properly – after the test I just read the first word, so I’m glad it didn’t say “Congratualtions you’ve failed!”!

After riding on the roads for 10 years, I should bloody well think I passed, too!  I’m very mildly pleased, but to put that into perspective I was much more chuffed with the Chicken Temptation Sub.  Now if I pass the Practical test first time, THEN I’ll be pleased with myself…

OK, for you ‘Merkins who apparently have to be able to open the car door and switch it on to pass, I believe the British test is the toughest in the world.

The Theory Test consists of 50 multiple choice questions about The Highway Code and Road Signs, plus lots of Common Sense and a bit of First Aid thrown in.

The Hazard Perception test is tougher.  You have to sit through a video as if you’re driving a car, and click when you see any hazard which may make you change your speed or take other avoiding actions.  Basically you need to practise where they want you to click.

It’s much the same as the GCSE exams at school – you learn to pass the test rather than how to live in The Real World.

I did find an excellent site to practise, though:

Pass the link on to anyone in need.  You pay a few quid and get access to all the test questions, mock exams, and hazard videos and stuff.  Awesome site.

It also has a couple of free tests so feel free to have a go, if you want to see what we have to go through.

So that’s it!  Almost there, and now I’ll put in for my Practical Test, as there’ll be around a 7 week wait.

The penny seems to have dropped with my driving, despite only having had 7 or 8 lessons.  Normal driving seems pretty natural to me now, and I’m confident of controlling the car rather than being a pansy.

On the last lesson I tried reversing around a corner and parallel parking for the first times with no problems – just a bit more practise needed and it should be fine… then I just have to learn bay parking and do an emergency stop (they call it something gayer these days).

Meanwhile, the monstrous Fiat Uno sits waiting to terrorise the streets with a Nasty Evil Ninja at the reins…