Biker Vs The World Part 24

If you’ve been following me on YouTube you’ll know all about my infamous ‘Biker Vs The World’ videos.

These are a compilation of ‘incidents’ from my helmet cam footage onboard my bikes.

Whilst the clips everyone wants to see are those where I almost get killed by idiot car drivers, or where I get involved in road rage, I do try to inject a bit of humour and even ‘feels’ into them – you’ll see the trucker at the end of this one!

The first clip in Part 24 is a recent one from a terrible rainy morning. A Mini had sped past me and I was loosely following. He went through a crossroads where a car was waiting, and as I approached I was in direct line of sight to the – let’s call him a Cunt, because he is – Cunt, he waited until I got even closer and then went directly across the road in front of me.

I had to slam on my brakes, and the ONLY reason I didn’t crash right there was because that piece of road is covered in Shell Grip. I was looking for a place to turn around to go and batter the absolute fuck of that Cunt (and I don’t actually know if it was a man or woman driving, because I couldn’t see – I just get the feeling this was a male), but there wasn’t a handy turning place.

There was no excuse.

Incidentally, I almost burst a blood vessel in my neck or something when I shouted. That hurt.

Enjoy:

 

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Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Ahh, with my email address, it’s not too often that I get genuine mistaken emails sent to me! Viagra and viruses, yes – but it’s very rare that anyone will type in ‘yousicklittlemonkey’ instead of ‘BobHodges@hotmail.com‘ or whatever.

But Kate did. And here’s what happened:

> Subject:
> Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2008 12:03:56 +0100
> From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
> To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress>
> Don
>
> I’m writing to send my apologies, I won’t be attending the AGM next week, I just wanted you to know that it’s not because I have no interest in the club, that’s not the case. In fact I’m not attending because I find the whole club very upsetting.
>
> As far as I can see there is very little point in appointing a committee when the club is, and if allowed to continue in its current state, run by one man. At the last AGM our captain stated that he wanted new blood into the committee, what he meant was that he wanted people who would agree with him to stand by him. I rather unfortunately had a slightly different opinion on the way OUR club should be run to our captain and it was made quite clear to me that any suggestions I made would get no further than dreaming chat in the committee meeting. Does the committee have any say on anything, from the key being taken away for the bar, quads being bought, to where the annual dinner is held?! (interesting that in Neil’s email about the annual dinner, he comments that the boat club is not the preferred venue of the whole club, they why has the committee allowed this to go ahead? again a case of agree with us, or stay out.)
>
> I would expect that during the captains round up at the AGM there will be a moment to thank Marcus and Boris for their hard work with the juniors last summer. Their dedication to the composite (welbeck/loughborough) 8+ was paramount in those kids winning their novice pots at Peterborough. They gave up a number of weekends to take the crews racing, some of the only racing seen by the whole club in the year. I think there are a number of people from the club regularly overlooked despite their best efforts to keep rowing alive. Has George been thanked for his endless work with the club?
>
> On the matter of rowing, or lack of, how does a rowing club survive without a coach? surely a club should revolve around a coach? Loughborough appear to have no direction in rowing and the ARA’S motto of “rowing for all” certainly does not apply at this club. Perhaps “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough. Loughborough as a club is letting down it’s juniors and novice rowers and quite possibly discouraging rowing in the borough of Charnwood.
>
> I’m sorry I won’t be attending but it seems a complete waste of my time and for that matter, everyone’s.
>
> I’d rather that this wasn’t read out to the committee, I’ve already been told my fortunes once by the captain and it’s certainly not an experience I’d like to go through again.
>
> I don’t know how the club should or will go forward but I hope that this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club.
>
> Kate
>
> Kate ****
> Research Student
> IPTME
> Loughborough University
> Loughborough
> Leicestershire
> LE11 3TU
> UK
>
> Tel: (crikey, I could even phone her!)

—————————–

RE:
From: (yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress)
Sent:
11 April 2008 14:22:09
To:
Kate **** (k.****@lboro.ac.uk)

.. > Kate,

I fully understand and sympathise with your position, and apologise for my delay in replying!

A ‘committee’ run by one man is rarely a good idea, however in this case I think the ideal man for the job IS indeed appointed.

You seem to be missing the whole point about agreeing with us. You see, your negative attitude is no good to anyone, really. If we act upon the ‘disagreements’ of certain committee members all willy-nilly, where would that get us?

Neil had to see the back of my hand before he agreed with us. What better place for a dinner than the boat club itself? It promotes a sense of team spirit that we just wouldn’t get from McDonalds! I hope you don’t need the gentle persuasion of a big hoofing knuckley slap from my backhand to come around to this?

I like you, Kate – always have.

Marcus and Boris are indeed in line for recognition at the captains round up. Birdseye Fish Fingers may not seem at first glance to be more than an obligatory ‘thank you’, but let me assure you that we found the proper cod ones! We figured these will soon be surpassing gold in value, plus they’re much more useful than some poxy trophy or a Debenhams voucher. Not George, though. His eyes are too close together and the committee unanimously agreed that he looks a bit too much like that bed-ridden Grandmother from ‘Allo Allo’ for his own good. He will benefit from having to work harder in this coming year before his little piggy eyes see any breaded cod.

On the matter of the actual rowing, I will have to strongly disagree about our lack of direction.

You may have noticed that you are, in fact, sat backwards in the boat? So leave the direction to the damn cox and concentrating on putting your back into it, eh?

This point alone highlights your lack of understanding of committee matters, but then your ignorance really comes to the fore with your statement “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough” confirms that you shouldn’t really try thinking as much as you do. And your unwillingness to follow the directions of The Captain may be cause for revue of your position on the team. Or perhaps you fancy yourself as a bit of a Captain, eh? Little bit of Captain-material in you is there? Fancy wearing the special cap, do you?

No – I thought not, so shup.

I’m sorry that you’re sorry that you’re sorry about attending, because there’s too much sorrow in this world already – and just look what you’ve added to it? Sorrow.

Having already been told your fortunes once by The Captain, it leads me to believe that you are either a non-believer in our Captain’s talent, or are simply against all Gypsy types?

Remember Kate – there is no place for racists or bigots in rowing! I will not be reading this out to the committee – but that’s more to save our Captain’s feelings than to protect you from your inane rantings.

I hope this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club. I also hope that in your absence, there will be some of those chicken tikka skewers left at the buffet, which I couldn’t help but notice disappear whenever your snatchy little mitts are around the place.

Have a nice night watching Dirty Dancing in your retro Jimbo And The Jet Set pyjama’s though, if you’re not coming.

Moody pie.

Regards,

Nasty Evil Ninja
MySpace Appointed Official AGM Loughborough Facist Committee Representative

***UPDATE***

Yay! She replied!!!

Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:29:40 +0100
From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress

Excellent!!!

Don’t fancy standing as a captain for a rowing club do you? I think you’d be brilliant!!!

Sorry, got the .com’s and the .co.uk’s mixed up and you received my rantings instead of the poor soul they were aimed at!!

I will of course put your point of view forward!

The grumpy cow in Loughborough!

————-

RE:
From: Nasty Evil Ninja
Sent:
11 April 2008 15:47:36
To:
Kate **** (k.**@lboro.ac.uk)

> I’d love to be Captain of a rowing team! I know which way the boats have to go and everything!

And you mean your head of committee is a ‘yousicklittlemonkey’, or were you just typing out loud?

Be sure to put my points forward – although I bet that filthy old fortune teller of a Captain will already be expecting it!

Good luck!

Nasty Evil Ninja

Complaint Letter to Letting Agency

Complaint Letter to Letting Agency

We rent our property at an extortionate price from a letting agency.

It’s an old house, and the actual Landlord lives hundreds of miles away, and can only be contacted by the letting agency when it suits both of them.

The joys of this have involved the house being rewired after it was found all the downstairs electrics were wired directly into the shower system in the bathroom, numerous leaks, the garage door spring snapping (resulting in a very effective guillotine we had to get vehicles past for 4 weeks), and holes left in the walls from ‘repairs’ for a year or so etc etc etc.

Every few months, the Letting Agency (let’s call them ‘Simply Useless’, to protect the guilty) come to the house for an ‘inspection’.  We give them a long list of faults and repairs which they add to the previous list of faults and repairs we gave them, and then they do absolutely bugger-all about anything. 

On Monday evening we returned from work to find a letter from Simply Useless telling us that our gardens were overgrown, they have told the Landlord, and we must (as per our tenancy agreement) ‘maintain the gardens to a suitable standard’.  We must do this immediately, inform them, and they will report back to the Landlord.

This made us both Um Plenty Big Angry.  especially as due to heavy rain most days interspersed with sunshine, every garden in our street has gone through an amazing growth spurt.  The only people in the street who have managed to fit in garden work are those who are retired or unemployed – including us, who both work to pay the extortionate rent.

With this in mind, I started typing like I was playing Whack-A-Mole:

https://i2.wp.com/citizenthymes.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/Picture2.png

 

Ms Tell-Tale Twit (made-up name)

c/o Simply Useless

XXXXX

XXXXX

XXX XXX

 

08 July 2013

 

Your reference: xxx/xx

 

Dear Ms Tell-Tale Twit (made-up name),

Thank you for your recent letter of 05 July 2013.

In this letter, you advised that our garden was ‘very overgrown’ on a recent property visit.

I am pleased to inform you that, approximately 7 weeks after the garden was last tended to, the mass of moss, weeds and general plants sometimes described as ‘grass’ were mown and hedges trimmed to specification on Saturday 06 July 2013.  Sadly, as your letter is dated the day before, you did not have the opportunity to admire this transformation prior to sending your letter.

I apologise for this tardiness, but we cannot be held responsible for erratic weather conditions and life events preventing any garden work taking place.  There was a documentable growth spurt between my first cut of the year and your inspection, interspersed by periods of heavy rainfall meaning using electrical appliances was unsafe.

I trust that this resolves the matter.

I am, however, glad that the landlord responded to this contact with yourselves quickly, as we have jobs that Simply Useless are responsible for which date back almost 3 years.

On the first day we moved in, having been attracted by the large garage, we found the garage chock-full of useless junk from old bicycles to cupboards to a fine selection of spider-infested crockery.  After finally pleading with you to do something, all this ‘property’ was shoved up one side of the garage and into the shed.  We were told that “the Landlady was going to arrange for her friend to sort through this stuff”, lest she wanted to keep any before she would arrange to have this taken to the skip.  I’d like to state again that this was almost 3 years ago.  We are still storing all of this junk.  THREE YEARS later.  No ‘friend’ has shown up.

About a year ago (that’s 365 days, I haven’t mistyped this), following several leaks that took Simply Useless weeks to sort out, it was found that the bathroom floorboards were rotten and needed replacing.  It was agreed that this would be replaced and, indeed, a whole new bathroom suite was also agreed to be fitted.  A contractor came to have a look and take measurements, and I believe he submitted his quotation for the work to Simply Useless during the last Winter.  Admittedly, this is not 1 year or 3 years overdue as per the last two requests that you have failed to act upon, but considering you are writing letters and speaking to Landlords about jobs that are a couple of weeks overdue, I feel it only fair that I point out the time scale involved.

Then there is the leaking tap, that is so old I’m considering registering it as a natural spring, and going into competition with nearby Malvern who also have a similarly leaking tap in their high street (I do not know who the Letting Agent is responsible for the Malvern leak).  Similarly, a quote for a replacement of this kitchen tap was submitted by a contractor to Simply Useless months ago.  That’s months – not an exaggeration.

Recently, after only a few weeks worth of emails to Simply Useless, you did gratefully send out a contractor to ‘fix’ the collapsed drain cover at the rear of the property.  They took off the rotten and collapsed drain cover and laid this on the ground next to the now open drain.  I was under the assumption that this was temporary, but a month or so later it is still lay next to an open drain.  Could you clarify if you will be supplying a replacement drain cover, or taking the old one away at all?

Please note that due to this open drain, the grass cuttings from my recent garden tending will undoubtedly block the drain up.

As part of our tenancy agreement, you are required to address these matters, and have so far failed to do so.

Please also note that due to the unique way Simply Useless appear to be incapable of much in the way of customer service to their paying customers, there are many smaller jobs that we have raised at your ‘property visits’ which are still outstanding.  There are no doubt others that I have forgotten about in despair.

We are also still awaiting a supposed cheque payment from the Landlord for the shower which we paid for out of our own personal money, because Simply Useless did not bother to fix or even acknowledge this issue for a month or two, despite multiple complaints in writing from us, as the paying tenants.  We have been awaiting this cheque now for over two months.  If this is not forthcoming we shall assume our previous agreement is acceptable and deduct the amount from this months rent.  Please advise if this is acceptable to you.

I would suggest that you raise these concerns with the Landlord, and perhaps list every item from previous property inspections and supply us with a copy of this list, along with their current status and what you have done to ensure the work is being progressed.

I would also ask that you supply us with details of how to raise any concerns with your regulatory body or ombudsman.  I would further like to note when we enquired about your complaints procedure previously, we were told “there isn’t one”, but have now noticed in the footer of your letter that you do appear to be regulated for your business.

In light of this, I would also request that you reply to this in writing for our records.

I look forward greatly to your next property inspection, and trust you will have completed all outstanding work before your next visit, so we can be sure everyone is fulfilling their parts of the agreement.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Nasty Evil Ninja & Partner

(sent by email and post)

 https://i1.wp.com/25.media.tumblr.com/7716ef547264521e476a067b1c8d2717/tumblr_mmcjvpOiMM1s85x8bo1_500.gif

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Ahh, with my email address, it’s not too often that I get genuine mistaken emails sent to me! Viagra and viruses, yes – but it’s very rare that anyone will type in ‘yousicklittlemonkey’ instead of ‘BobHodges@hotmail.com‘ or whatever.

But Kate did. And here’s what happened:

> Subject:
> Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2008 12:03:56 +0100
> From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
> To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress>
> Don
>
> I’m writing to send my apologies, I won’t be attending the AGM next week, I just wanted you to know that it’s not because I have no interest in the club, that’s not the case. In fact I’m not attending because I find the whole club very upsetting.
>
> As far as I can see there is very little point in appointing a committee when the club is, and if allowed to continue in its current state, run by one man. At the last AGM our captain stated that he wanted new blood into the committee, what he meant was that he wanted people who would agree with him to stand by him. I rather unfortunately had a slightly different opinion on the way OUR club should be run to our captain and it was made quite clear to me that any suggestions I made would get no further than dreaming chat in the committee meeting. Does the committee have any say on anything, from the key being taken away for the bar, quads being bought, to where the annual dinner is held?! (interesting that in Neil’s email about the annual dinner, he comments that the boat club is not the preferred venue of the whole club, they why has the committee allowed this to go ahead? again a case of agree with us, or stay out.)
>
> I would expect that during the captains round up at the AGM there will be a moment to thank Marcus and Boris for their hard work with the juniors last summer. Their dedication to the composite (welbeck/loughborough) 8+ was paramount in those kids winning their novice pots at Peterborough. They gave up a number of weekends to take the crews racing, some of the only racing seen by the whole club in the year. I think there are a number of people from the club regularly overlooked despite their best efforts to keep rowing alive. Has George been thanked for his endless work with the club?
>
> On the matter of rowing, or lack of, how does a rowing club survive without a coach? surely a club should revolve around a coach? Loughborough appear to have no direction in rowing and the ARA’S motto of “rowing for all” certainly does not apply at this club. Perhaps “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough. Loughborough as a club is letting down it’s juniors and novice rowers and quite possibly discouraging rowing in the borough of Charnwood.
>
> I’m sorry I won’t be attending but it seems a complete waste of my time and for that matter, everyone’s.
>
> I’d rather that this wasn’t read out to the committee, I’ve already been told my fortunes once by the captain and it’s certainly not an experience I’d like to go through again.
>
> I don’t know how the club should or will go forward but I hope that this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club.
>
> Kate
>
> Kate ****
> Research Student
> IPTME
> Loughborough University
> Loughborough
> Leicestershire
> LE11 3TU
> UK
>
> Tel: (crikey, I could even phone her!)

—————————–

RE:
From: (yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress)
Sent:
11 April 2008 14:22:09
To:
Kate **** (k.****@lboro.ac.uk)

.. > Kate,

I fully understand and sympathise with your position, and apologise for my delay in replying!

A ‘committee’ run by one man is rarely a good idea, however in this case I think the ideal man for the job IS indeed appointed.

You seem to be missing the whole point about agreeing with us. You see, your negative attitude is no good to anyone, really. If we act upon the ‘disagreements’ of certain committee members all willy-nilly, where would that get us?

Neil had to see the back of my hand before he agreed with us. What better place for a dinner than the boat club itself? It promotes a sense of team spirit that we just wouldn’t get from McDonalds! I hope you don’t need the gentle persuasion of a big hoofing knuckley slap from my backhand to come around to this?

I like you, Kate – always have.

Marcus and Boris are indeed in line for recognition at the captains round up. Birdseye Fish Fingers may not seem at first glance to be more than an obligatory ‘thank you’, but let me assure you that we found the proper cod ones! We figured these will soon be surpassing gold in value, plus they’re much more useful than some poxy trophy or a Debenhams voucher. Not George, though. His eyes are too close together and the committee unanimously agreed that he looks a bit too much like that bed-ridden Grandmother from ‘Allo Allo’ for his own good. He will benefit from having to work harder in this coming year before his little piggy eyes see any breaded cod.

On the matter of the actual rowing, I will have to strongly disagree about our lack of direction.

You may have noticed that you are, in fact, sat backwards in the boat? So leave the direction to the damn cox and concentrating on putting your back into it, eh?

This point alone highlights your lack of understanding of committee matters, but then your ignorance really comes to the fore with your statement “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough” confirms that you shouldn’t really try thinking as much as you do. And your unwillingness to follow the directions of The Captain may be cause for revue of your position on the team. Or perhaps you fancy yourself as a bit of a Captain, eh? Little bit of Captain-material in you is there? Fancy wearing the special cap, do you?

No – I thought not, so shup.

I’m sorry that you’re sorry that you’re sorry about attending, because there’s too much sorrow in this world already – and just look what you’ve added to it? Sorrow.

Having already been told your fortunes once by The Captain, it leads me to believe that you are either a non-believer in our Captain’s talent, or are simply against all Gypsy types?

Remember Kate – there is no place for racists or bigots in rowing! I will not be reading this out to the committee – but that’s more to save our Captain’s feelings than to protect you from your inane rantings.

I hope this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club. I also hope that in your absence, there will be some of those chicken tikka skewers left at the buffet, which I couldn’t help but notice disappear whenever your snatchy little mitts are around the place.

Have a nice night watching Dirty Dancing in your retro Jimbo And The Jet Set pyjama’s though, if you’re not coming.

Moody pie.

Regards,

Nasty Evil Ninja
MySpace Appointed Official AGM Loughborough Facist Committee Representative

***UPDATE***

Yay! She replied!!!

Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:29:40 +0100
From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress

Excellent!!!

Don’t fancy standing as a captain for a rowing club do you? I think you’d be brilliant!!!

Sorry, got the .com’s and the .co.uk’s mixed up and you received my rantings instead of the poor soul they were aimed at!!

I will of course put your point of view forward!

The grumpy cow in Loughborough!

————-

RE:
From: Nasty Evil Ninja
Sent:
11 April 2008 15:47:36
To:
Kate **** (k.**@lboro.ac.uk)

> I’d love to be Captain of a rowing team! I know which way the boats have to go and everything!

And you mean your head of committee is a ‘yousicklittlemonkey’, or were you just typing out loud?

Be sure to put my points forward – although I bet that filthy old fortune teller of a Captain will already be expecting it!

Good luck!

Nasty Evil Ninja

Anti-Wasp Tactics 2012

Anti-Wasp Tactics 2012

[This is a yearly re-post to highlight my ongoing battle]

I’ve told in a previous blog about how I had the shit stung out of me by several wasps in the past, and since then I’ve waged war on the black and yellow bastards! (oo-err – that sounds racist!)

This morning, after actually getting some decent sleep for once, I was suddenly wide-the-fuck-awake in bed. My clock read 05:30.  Son of a biscuit!!!!

After working up a rage over my bodies betrayal, I lay there in the dawn silence and heard the noise which had obviously awoken me.

*BzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz…. BZZZZZZZZzzz… zzzz… ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ*

https://i0.wp.com/duncraft.atom5.com/files/European_wasp_white_bg02.jpg

A fucking wasp!!!  I swear the little shit had some kind of Wasp Megaphone, too!

The small window was open a fraction, and like some kind of little buzzy Ninja assassin, Cunto The Wasp had crept inside to sting me to death as I slept!

Luckily, the net curtain had foiled his initial attack, and the little runt was bouncing around between the window and the netting.

With a bloodcurdling roar, I tore open the curtains, intent on crushing his head like a miniature grapefruit… only to see him successfully negotiate the netting and fly free into my bedroom sanctuary!

My flesh crawled as he flew straight at my face, my hair stood on end, and I uttered a kind of “Gnnn-argunk!!” sound as I flapped wildly and ducked and dived like Prince Naseem Hamed in his prime fighting days!

https://i0.wp.com/3morerounds.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/Hamed_Naseem.jpg

Jumping from my bed, I went all chameleon – with one eye tracking Cunto, and the other searching for a suitable Squishing Weapon. Then I realised I was naked!

Now, I’ve survived wasp attacks before – having been stung on my back, my legs… even my face.  They don’t hurt as much as people like to have you believe (unless you go into anaphylactic shock like some girly poof – QUITTER!!!).

But the thought of that little leaky barb jabbing into the side-wall of my Japs-Eye, or, heaven forbid, emptying his load deep into my scrotum – was not something I EVER wanted to experience!

I focused my own Magical Ninja Powers, and skilfully Boshi-Kenned the nasty bugger back at the window, where I met his attempt to rise again with a stout troll ornament and cracked his thorax like a dropped M&M.

Well, ok – maybe I flapped my hands around like I was signing the commentary to a deaf audience – but it still had the same end result.

https://i1.wp.com/us.123rf.com/400wm/400/400/mav888/mav8880808/mav888080800043/3455677-dead-wasp-in-a-wooden-background.jpg

Mission accomplished.

My extensive knowledge of the enemy has taught me that wasps emit a distress pheromone which could attract others to his corpse, so I closed the window and gave the carcass a quick “AHHHHHHH!!!!!!” to show it who was the Daddy.

I’m sure this conflict will be repeated over the coming months, as happens every Summer. What can I do?

Is there some substance the little buzzy buggers hate that I could smear around the sides of an open window and they wouldn’t want to get past?  Fire is tempting, but not a practical option.

There must be a way. The battle lines are drawn, and I need to prepare my tactics to ensure my survival!

I shall fight them on the window ledges!!!!

http://afeatheradrift.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/wasp.jpg

Bassetts Pole & The Council Shutting Down Bike Meets

Bassetts Pole & The Council Shutting Down Bike Meets

https://i2.wp.com/i264.photobucket.com/albums/ii178/chillbucket/Bassetts%20Pole%2022_08/DSC01335.jpg

I saw through a friends Facebook status last night that the Police were stopping all bikers from stopping at Bassetts Pole for the huge Tuesday night bike meet that’s been going on for decades.

There is a pub carpark and a McDonalds where everyone parks, and it seems that the pub is trying to take out an injunction to stop any bikes using their car park.

Whilst I can see their issue with having their car park crammed full with hundreds of bikes for one night a week – are they missing the point that IT’S CRAMMED FULL OF HUNDREDS OF BIKES FOR ONE NIGHT A WEEK?  I bet you anything that even if hardly any of them go into the pub itself it will still be by far their most profitable night of the week!

Bikers like to have a drink when they stop off, and we all know that a few hundred pints of shandy are the best any pub can hope to sell for a profit!  If they’re worried that they’re losing out on selling food (which has a much lower profit margin) someone needs to smack them in the face and point out what they’re GAINING for the drinks they sell!  Plus with a fucking McDonalds literally next door they can hardly blame a drop in food sales on bikers blocking their customers, can they?!

And that’s all assuming none of the thousands of fat-assed bikers are going to eat any of the pubs food at all (about as likely as getting kicked in the head by a quadriplegic dwarf).

https://i1.wp.com/www.motorcyclenews.com/upload/282827/images/meet2a.jpg

And can anyone actually get an injunction in place to ban ‘bikers’?  Surely that shit went out back in the 60s?  What next?  Ban the blacks and jews, you fucking idiots?

Although you have to be pretty retarded to be anti-biker these days (it’s on an even lower level of intelligence than racism), I was once in a group out on our bikes who a pub refused to serve a meal to.  We went back home, got a load more mates and went back there without the leathers and bikes and successfully ordered an ungodly amount of food.  When it arrived, we informed then that we’d just remembered we were bikers, and walked the fuck out without touching a thing.

Personally, I’m not a huge fan of the Bassetts Pole meeting, because there is always a huge oppressive Police presence and to be honest the ride to and from there is a bit crap, but if we don’t fight against stuff like this you can bet other bike meets will get killed.

Thousands of people would flock to Stratford-Upon-Avon waterfront every Sunday to have a look at all the bikes parked there.  The local businesses must have been raking it in.

But then the Council stepped in and banned all bike parking there, creating a bike-specific park outside the centre where nobody would go, making the waterfront area for disabled parking only, and in the process completely fucking missing the whole point.  And pissing everyone off.

But then the local council doesn’t have to make a profit, does it?  They get paid either way…

So we all need to fight this one, and show the twats in charge of this idiocy that we’re not going to stand for it – especially if their only ‘reason’ is to discriminate against anyone who might fall under the name of ‘Biker’.

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Put Your Foot Down Or Stay In The Loser Lane!

Put Your Foot Down Or Stay In The Loser Lane!

WTF is it lately with people driving too slowly?

I don’t mean ‘too slowly compared to me’ – but people who seem to have decided that our speed limits (which were set for retards driving 1962 spec vehicles that exploded when you hit 42mph) are too fast, and so are going to drive at their own pace.

I’m all in favour of driving to the road conditions, rather than using your speedometer as a barometer of safety, but this does not mean going dangerously slower than everyone else on a clear road in good conditions.

Let’s face it, most dual carriageways and all motorways can safely be driven at the legal limit of 70mph.  Hell, if drivers actually pay attention to driving, they should be fine and safe at 100mph in modern vehicles.

But nooooooooo!

What we get is Nervous Old Biddy/Young Female With Face Pressed Against Windscreen/Doddering Middle-Aged Man doing the speed that they consider ‘safe’, whilst ignoring those behind swerving around them in clouds of tyre and brake smoke as they almost twat them doing a LEGAL 30mph more!

Is it the Zombie-like state of fuel conservation we’ve had rammed down our throats for the last few years?  I mean, we wouldn’t want people to actually press the fucking loud pedal, would we?

And then when you get 60mph Dickhead coming up behind 50mph Dickhead what happens then?

60mph Dickhead pulls out to overtake, ignorning everyone already doing a decent speed in that lane, and takes 45 fucking minutes to complete the overtake!

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN OR GET BACK IN THE LOSER LANE!!!

I’d go so far as to say you should never be allowed to enter the fast lane if you’re doing less than 70mph.  You’re a loser.  Stay the fuck out of the way of people who want to get places.  If you REALLY needed to get anywhere as fast as us you wouldn’t be doing 10mph under the speed limit in the first place!

I fully appreciate you’re trying to save the planet in your shitty little box shaped Korean wank wagon, but there’s a time to put your foot down, and that directly correlates to the time when you pansies should fuck off out the way!

What’s even worse is that you just KNOW these Cock-Knuckles are those same airheaded cunts who do 50mph through a national speed limit area, holding everyone up, stay at 50mph through the next 40mph zone, then still hold your speed when it goes back to the national limit.

If you’re too scared to drive – WALK.

Then I can fucking run you over.