Braindead Car Drivers With Aids

Braindead Car Drivers With Aids

I went out for a good long ride the other day along the scenic and fun roads around Shropshire, but almost didn’t make it that far because of this incident just a few minutes into my journey:

Now, firstly I need to stress to you how important it is to make sure you’re ‘switched on’ whenever you’re on the bike.  It’s easy to get complacent when you’re only just setting out, and even more so when you’re close to home on your return.

In the video, you see the car ahead of me is positioned over to the right hand side of the road approaching the roundabout.  He is actually up against the right hand curb as he’s going around the roundabout, before suddenly and without indicating he cuts across to take the left exit.  Almost taking me out.

His road positioning and percieved intention to turn right is exagerated even more because the car ahead of him took the correct positioning and line, making his actions even more deceptive.

I had plenty of room to go around the left hand side of the car, but to be honest I was expecting such a stupid move, so hung back.  You could say my Spidey Sense was tingling, and it saved me.

You’ll notice that afterwards I overtake the car.  There are several reasons for this – firstly what you can’t see is that I was gesticulating to the driver as I was alongside.  When I pulled in front I was switching my indicators on and off and pointing at them.  Do you think he learnt anything?  Doubtful.

Secondly, I believe that it’s better to have the idiots as far behind you as possible, where they can’t cause you any damage.  If they’re still in front they’re still dangerous, as they can brake and reverse or do other mental stuff.

What exactly are we doing to educate drivers?  Other than the million to one chance of them getting caught being Nobbers by the Police, we’re creating hundreds of driver aids to make the cars safer.


We’re making the CARS safer, taking even more responsibility away from the driver?!  Meaning they have even less need to concentrate, because the cars will brake, stabilise themselves, keep within the road markings and protect the dumbass occupants when they do end up upside down in a ditch?

Maybe we should be taking all the driver aids away and surrounding the driver with sharpened metal spikes facing inwards, so they might start to learn that their pissing about behind the wheel has CONSEQUENCES.

Boxers and Bitching

Boxers and Bitching

I’m sure you’d have all seen the charade where some clown-shoes boxer slapped his opponent at the weigh-in?  Then he started a fist-fight with another boxer as well.  I’m not even going to name the twat.

I can’t remember who it was, but I also remember recently hearing another British boxer threatening to ‘rape’ his opponent.

For fucks sake ban them for life or at least stop having stupid press conferences encouraging the fucktards from saying this stuff!  What a waste of time boxing has been for the last 10 years…

Or maybe they’re just a true reflection of society?

It seems to me that most people – and I do mean almost everybody – seems to have some deep craving for stress and drama in their everyday lives.

Maybe it’s the backlash of 30 years of sitting in front of the TV watching vaccuous scum in soap operas?  Maybe Public Enemy were right in ‘She Watch Channel Zero’ talking about how if you watch enough of that shit it becomes your reality?

Well, a Hell of a lot of people watch that shit.

I’ve recently had the ‘fun’ of organising a party for my recent engagement.

Jesus Titty-Fucking Christ!

Don’t the fucked-up family politics come out to romp around when you bring anything like weddings and engagements up?  The jealousy… the control… the one-upmanship…


Why does everyone seem to need to have some crap going on in their lives that spells the end of everyones world?

You don’t HAVE to live like that.  There’s a time to shut the fuck up and go along with people, and a time to take a stand.

I’ve said it before that the best people you can have in your life are the ones who have truly seen drama.  Stuff that could have ended their life.  People who’ve lost everything and clawed something back together again.

When you’ve really been staring down the barrel you learn to forget about all the minor, nagging bullshit that people stress themselves over.  Give yourself a damned reality check!

You make the choice to carry on your miserable-assed existence, and I don’t appreciate it when your choice tries to drag me into it.

Getting on a plane and going very far away from everyone to get married without the bullshit is looking very tempting right now.

Maybe somewhere without soap operas.  Or boxing.

Hide The Fags!

Hide The Fags!

No, I’m not calling for us all to push our gay brothers and sisters back in the closet – I’m talking about the recent trend where shops have to hide their cigarettes.

I’ve lost count of the amount of times I’ve been in a shop, buying porn, fisting mittens, alcohol and chilli sauce, when I’ve suddenly seen the display of cigarettes and thought “Wow!  I really should get some cigarettes and smoke the whole lot tonight, too!”

Oh… hang on… Yeah, that’s right – that has NEVER happened.

The chances are, when you buy a pack of cigarettes from a shop, it’s because you SMOKE.

If you’re not a smoker, you’re hardly likely to be tempted by the joyous colour markings (or maybe the picture of cancer-riddled infant testicles) on a packet of Marlboro or Silk Cut.  “Well, I came in for a Lottery ticket, but now I’ve seen THESE on display I realise if I DO win, then I’ll be able to afford to buy fucking cigarettes – so give me a box of 200!”

I’m probably in what would be considered the highest risk category of being persuaded to buy cigarettes – because I ONLY smoke when I WANT to smoke.  20 in a night or none for 6 months – it doesn’t bother me.  I know for a fact that I won’t buy them just because I can see them on the counter!  Do none of you fuckers understand that I CAN make the choice to smoke or not, without killing myself???

For fucks sake will you retarded do-gooder mongs stop trying to hold everyones hands as if they can’t make up their own minds!!!

It’s no wonder nobody these days will take responsibility for their own actions when the whole of fucking society is telling us we don’t have free will, and so they’ll have to guide us to do what they think is right.

This week.

Next week it will probably be alcohol… or ‘fun’ in general.

Winter Friggin’ Winter

Winter Friggin’ Winter

“What did you do in The Great War, Nasty Evil Ninja?”

I keep telling you – I wasn’t in any -ing war!  Having said that, I was wounded in ‘Nam.


Weirdly enough, from what I can work out, I’ve picked up a nasty knee injury by sitting on the couch, drinking Bud and eating cheese and chilli covered nachos whilst watching the Superbowl.  Either that or Lill Boo was practising her wrestling moves on me when I was asleep afterwards.

Either way I woke up with pain and ruptured synovial membrane.  Bah!

As the internet is down at work I figured I’d update you on random thoughts, and a bit about what’s going on in my life.

Not bloody much!  It’s Winter – so I haven’t been riding my bike.  It’s not how it used to be…  I mean, I did 10 or 11 Winters riding sportsbikes on the snow and ice!  Looking back at it now I have no idea how I ever survived?  I’m so glad I managed to capture a few rides on video, because who is going to believe that I rode a ZX9R through fairly deep snow in conditions so slippery that I actually started sliding backwards down a hill!  Well here is the proof:

Aside from being pretty damned sure I’d never try and repeat anything like that (I actually rode my VFR750 in much deeper snow and slid backwards down a different hill), I have to admit that there is a part of me that misses it.  I’m not sure if it was ‘fun’ exactly, but it’s probably more to do with how much of a thrill it was.  How extreme.  How unique.

But after 11 years of that I learned to drive a car just over a year ago, and find I also love driving.  Compared to being on a bike, if you get out of shape in a car, you have time to go and make a sandwich, have a quick look on Facebook, and THEN do something to stop you from crashing.  It’s easy as Hell!

Winter is pretty much dead time for me.  I can’t do trackdays or anything I want, and there isn’t even any motor racing on TV.  Apart from rallying – and that just doesn’t cut it compared to waiting to see the Moto 2 boys slugging it out with 20 bikes going for the lead!

So I’m on Facebook a lot.  Playing stupid games.  And if I can safely sneak it in without Lill Boo getting bored to death (no, this is not inuendo!), then I’ll get the Xbox 360 on.

I’m still waiting with bated breath for GTA 5 to come out, but that’s ages away.  I discovered the Dragon Age games a few months back, and sunk many hours into those, and have just started on Elder Scrolls: Oblivion.

I think I still prefer Fallout for that type of game, but Elder Scolls is pretty damned good!  It should tide me over until the snow pisses off and I can get my kicks scraping my knees on the tarmac again!

What do you lot do to keep you amused through the Winter months?

As a side note to all this, I learnt the other day that one of my favourite people on YouTube for his hilarious bike vids, mask pranks, and other malarkey – Svengalie – has passed away…

He seemed like a really good bloke, and it appears it may have been a suicide.  It goes to show that you never really know what’s going on in someone’s Real World away from their online antics…  Such a shame.  He was only 30 and had kids.  My dearest thoughts go out to them and his friends and family.

I’ll leave you with the first ever vlog I saw of his (before I even knew what a vlog was) that made me laugh so much.  Hopefully it will do the same for you, and spare a thought for Steven Love:

The Death Of The Mighty Uno

The Death Of The Mighty Uno

When I bought the 1994 Fiat Uno as a first ever car around a year and a half ago, I didn’t really expect it to last for a year.

As it turned out, the car never let me down!  It still started first time every time, and ran well.  Handling was surprisingly good – it went exactly where you pointed it, and having hardly any mechanical grip taught me how to drive smoothly and keep the momentum going to make progress with a car that made maybe 45hp back when it was new.  Pushing past those limits it was very predictable (and drifted quite nicely!), and much as I tried to hate it at first, it was quite a pleasure to drive!

So despite me thraping it around, it took it all and actually seemed to get faster to suit the way I thrashed it with a metaphorical stick.

Sadly, just as we went into Winter, it started blowing out it’s coolant.  Smelling the coolant made it almost certain that the head gasket was blowing, and combine with rusty sills and unrepairable rear suspension, there was no point spending cash on what was about to become a money pit.

Although it still ran perfectly, it wasn’t going to get any better – so I started looking around for new cars – aiming to pay £300-£500 for some shitter with long tax and MOT.  Basically, the bike is my performance/fun vehicle – the car needs to get me to Aldi and fit the shopping in the boot, and be capable of long motorway journeys off to weird and wonderful places to shack up and shag.

How crap is buying a new car?  I mean, it’s probably ok if you have a big budget, but to try and find something that’s cheap and runs is a nightmare.

Everyone lies.  Someone once made the very good point that “Nobody ever sells a car because it’s perfect”.  Most people sell them because they want it off their hands before they have to pay huge bills for it.

So my main concern was that it DID work, and that the even bigger expense of insurance was affordable!

And insurance makes no sense!  A Fiat Bravo crapper can cost twice the insurance of a much newer, bigger engined Ford Focus?!

As it happened, my sister was selling her Honda Civic Sport – so a few checks online showed that this VTEC ‘sports’ was still cheaper than either of the two mentioned before!  WTF?

And so that’s what I’ve done!

Expecting another old shitter of a car, I’ve actually now ended up with a car I actually quite like the look of, has ‘Sports’ written on the back (and it wasn’t done in permanent marker by me), and might even handle quite well!

And of course it’s a known quantity and not being sold because it’s about to blow up!

So R.I.P. Fiat Uno – I did a quick search for local scrapyards and was going to get some quotes, and came across:

They gave a list of what local scrapyards will offer for your scrap car, or a price that they’ll come and collect it off you for  £140 in my case, and there was no hassle or anything.  I put my request in online, they called me back confirming details and arranging the pick-up, and then I came back to find the cash pushed through my door and the car gone!  Excellent service and highly recommended!

Now, should I factor in a drive to the Nurburgring this Summer…??