Nasty Evil Ninja’s General Election Special

Nasty Evil Ninja’s General Election Special

“If you don’t vote, you can’t complain about who gets in!”

Is that right?

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For all those who say it’s so terrible to not use your vote, I’ll answer it by saying surely, it’s much worse to vote for something that you don’t want?

How about I offer you a stab in the eyeball with a rusty icepick, or I’ll set your head on fire with some petrol?  Which one would you choose?

Or you could choose none, but if you get stabbed in the eyeball or an immolated head within the next few years, you can’t complain.

Do you see how you can make two shitty choices that allow a pack of cunts to get richer and screw you over, or you can make no choice, and still get screwed over by whoever? Because they’re all the same animal.

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What I want is a box I can tick to say “I want to scrap every single current politician, then pay every politician minimum wage”?

Then we’ll see who’s in it for themselves or who really wants to help us.

Their selling points are just absurd. One party wants to bring back fox hunting. How is that even a policy??? Anyone who gives the slightest fuck about fox hunting over giving lower classes more money shouldn’t be allowed to vote in the first place!

Then there’s the spiteful stuff like the Green Party. They want to save the world, and stop everyone driving cars.  Except they know that’s never going to happen, so instead, they’re going to BAN all motorcycles over 125cc, ban every motorcycle from using congestion-relieving bus lanes, and generally just be anti-biker for what? To get the hippie vote?

Or the Lib Dems, who have never once carried through one of their key policies, and normally do a total u-turn on them!

“Yeah, vote us in and we’ll cut tax on the minimum wage. Actually, thanks, but we’re going to raise it instead.”

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Conservative are a great choice if you’re rich, or a fucking politician.  A bit shit if you’re an average working Joe, because they’re going to fuck you.

Labour I don’t really know anything about.  I think they just want to get in so they can spend £750,000 of your tax money per year on Champagne for lunches in Parliament. And fuck you.

UKIP are just mental, and their policies are around not being black, or something.  Yeah – crack down on immigrants doing below-minimum wage jobs to save us all – not cutting the bullshit hundreds of thousand pound wages paid to cunt-faced lying twat politicians!  Good plan for the people!  Oh, wait…

And why do people go and ‘spoil’ their vote?  So you’ve drawn a cock and balls (possibly spunking, and with a few pubic hairs) over your ballot paper.  Well done. Now it doesn’t get counted.  Umm… exactly the same as if you hadn’t bothered going to the polling station in the first place?

I figure whoever gets in will cost me, ooh, £10,000 in ‘getting fucked over’ tax over the next 4 years.  How about you just pay me that sum, and I’ll vote for you? It’s bound to be less than the bungs you give to contractors and banks and fucking duck palaces on a daily basis.

Vote Guy Fawkes!  He had the best political ideals of any of you fucks.

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Faroe Islands Whaling Slaughter Is A Bunch Of Arse!

Faroe Islands Whaling Slaughter Is A Bunch Of Arse!

Anyone on Facebook will have been plagued all of a sudden by a new ‘share this’ campaign depicting the senseless slaughter of whales (actually some even call them ‘intelligent friendly dolphins’) in the Faroe Isles, near Denmark.

Firstly, whilst I agree it’s not exactly brilliant, the bullshit and propaganda in these posts pisses me off as much as the knee-jerk reactions everyone is giving it.

Here’s an example of one of the ones going around:

PLEASE KEEP THIS GOING AROUND THE WORLD

The bits that boil my piss to whistling point are:

1. “kill hundreds of the famous and intelligent dolphins” – you mean the WHALES that you’ve never heard of before.
2. “the main participants are young teens” – Bollocks to get the elderly knee-jerking about the violent hoodies doing this stuff.
3. “A celebration, to show that they are adults and mature” – somewhat close, in a twisted way. But still wrong and worded to shock.  See Wikipedia link here.
4. “Everyone is participating in one way or the other killing or looking at the cruelty supporting like a spectator” – Again just to shock. The whale meat is shared between each and every villager as their birth right.
5. “They’re almost extinct!” – They’re not. And this happens to about 200 whales. How many do Japan kill a year? Or the UK? Go find out.
6. “They don’t die instantly” – They are killed by their spinal cord being severed, i.e. instantly. In a very skilled and practiced way. And the whole event takes about 10 mins.
7. “And at that time the dolphins produce a grim cry like that of a new born child” – Oh do fuck off!
8. “this magnificent creature slowly dies in its own blood” – see point 6.

You can educate yourself just as easily by doing your own research.  I’d highly recommend www.snopes.com to find out what’s real and what’s been made up by ranting vegan fundamentalist religious types.

Or how about YouTube, if you can’t be arsed to read?

This video has even more about the Faroe Islands culture and traditions:

So PLEASE just shup about it.  It’s completely out of context like almost all of these ‘share me quick and save us all!!!’ posts.

And please feel free to post a link to this blog every time someone tries to make you share this again!

Facebook NSPCC Cartoon Pics Campaign Is A Lie!

    Facebook NSPCC Cartoon Pics Campaign Is A Lie!

Well, when I first saw yet another ‘copy and paste this as your status’ thing on Facebook, I did my usual act of ignoring it – only something in this one caught my eye.

No, it wasn’t that I thought it was a great cause (OK, NSPCC is a good cause but if you believe a Facebook status you’re a bit of a N00b), but because of something else it was asking:

“Change your Facebook profile picture to a cartoon character from your childhood and invite your friends to do the same. Until Monday (December 6th), there should be no human faces on Facebook, but an invasion of memories. This is a campaign to stop violence against children”

Ooh! Change your pic to a cartoon you remember!!! This is one I had to do!

So I reposted the crap as my status, adding a bit on the end to say “(or possibly for Furry Lovers)”, because let’s face it, THEY are the only ones who are going to benefit from seeing cartoon animals all over the place when they log in, and then thought of a nice obscure charector to change my pic to:

Even funnier was watching what I’d put spreading over Facebook, because people obviously hadn’t read it properly! I corrupted Facebook!

Anyone know who he is??

A few may remember a cartoon called ‘Ox Tales’ from the 80s. I got up early one whole Summer holiday to watch it! I really wanted Gaylord the Gorilla, but couldn’t find a decent pic – so I had to use Ollie instead. Here’s the opening credits, with the funkiest theme tune ever:

So, a little lesson for you all once again – Facebook is all about bullshit and fun, and NOT saving the world!

With so many people now on Facebook, and a lot of those new to social internet stuff, far too many of them are taking things too seriously. Shit, a lot of my relatives have blocked me on Facebook because of my statuses!

I guess they want everyone to know that Nan is ill with herpes, or that the dog was just sick on the baby.

Well I want to tell you all that I just had a turd like Frank Bruno’s leg, and then link you to a video of a gorilla raping a frog.

And fuck you if you don’t see the entertainment value in that.

EDIT:

It’s just got even betterer!!!

Now it’s being claimed that PAEDOPHILES are the ones responsible for the chain status, and everyone is taking off their cartoon pics as fast as they can!!

FFS people, have a think, will you?

How the feck is a Paedo going to benefit in any way from people having cartoon pics on Facebook?!

Like I said – it’s the FURRY LOVERS you need to be watching!