Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Ahh, with my email address, it’s not too often that I get genuine mistaken emails sent to me! Viagra and viruses, yes – but it’s very rare that anyone will type in ‘yousicklittlemonkey’ instead of ‘BobHodges@hotmail.com‘ or whatever.

But Kate did. And here’s what happened:

> Subject:
> Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2008 12:03:56 +0100
> From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
> To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress>
> Don
>
> I’m writing to send my apologies, I won’t be attending the AGM next week, I just wanted you to know that it’s not because I have no interest in the club, that’s not the case. In fact I’m not attending because I find the whole club very upsetting.
>
> As far as I can see there is very little point in appointing a committee when the club is, and if allowed to continue in its current state, run by one man. At the last AGM our captain stated that he wanted new blood into the committee, what he meant was that he wanted people who would agree with him to stand by him. I rather unfortunately had a slightly different opinion on the way OUR club should be run to our captain and it was made quite clear to me that any suggestions I made would get no further than dreaming chat in the committee meeting. Does the committee have any say on anything, from the key being taken away for the bar, quads being bought, to where the annual dinner is held?! (interesting that in Neil’s email about the annual dinner, he comments that the boat club is not the preferred venue of the whole club, they why has the committee allowed this to go ahead? again a case of agree with us, or stay out.)
>
> I would expect that during the captains round up at the AGM there will be a moment to thank Marcus and Boris for their hard work with the juniors last summer. Their dedication to the composite (welbeck/loughborough) 8+ was paramount in those kids winning their novice pots at Peterborough. They gave up a number of weekends to take the crews racing, some of the only racing seen by the whole club in the year. I think there are a number of people from the club regularly overlooked despite their best efforts to keep rowing alive. Has George been thanked for his endless work with the club?
>
> On the matter of rowing, or lack of, how does a rowing club survive without a coach? surely a club should revolve around a coach? Loughborough appear to have no direction in rowing and the ARA’S motto of “rowing for all” certainly does not apply at this club. Perhaps “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough. Loughborough as a club is letting down it’s juniors and novice rowers and quite possibly discouraging rowing in the borough of Charnwood.
>
> I’m sorry I won’t be attending but it seems a complete waste of my time and for that matter, everyone’s.
>
> I’d rather that this wasn’t read out to the committee, I’ve already been told my fortunes once by the captain and it’s certainly not an experience I’d like to go through again.
>
> I don’t know how the club should or will go forward but I hope that this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club.
>
> Kate
>
> Kate ****
> Research Student
> IPTME
> Loughborough University
> Loughborough
> Leicestershire
> LE11 3TU
> UK
>
> Tel: (crikey, I could even phone her!)

—————————–

RE:
From: (yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress)
Sent:
11 April 2008 14:22:09
To:
Kate **** (k.****@lboro.ac.uk)

.. > Kate,

I fully understand and sympathise with your position, and apologise for my delay in replying!

A ‘committee’ run by one man is rarely a good idea, however in this case I think the ideal man for the job IS indeed appointed.

You seem to be missing the whole point about agreeing with us. You see, your negative attitude is no good to anyone, really. If we act upon the ‘disagreements’ of certain committee members all willy-nilly, where would that get us?

Neil had to see the back of my hand before he agreed with us. What better place for a dinner than the boat club itself? It promotes a sense of team spirit that we just wouldn’t get from McDonalds! I hope you don’t need the gentle persuasion of a big hoofing knuckley slap from my backhand to come around to this?

I like you, Kate – always have.

Marcus and Boris are indeed in line for recognition at the captains round up. Birdseye Fish Fingers may not seem at first glance to be more than an obligatory ‘thank you’, but let me assure you that we found the proper cod ones! We figured these will soon be surpassing gold in value, plus they’re much more useful than some poxy trophy or a Debenhams voucher. Not George, though. His eyes are too close together and the committee unanimously agreed that he looks a bit too much like that bed-ridden Grandmother from ‘Allo Allo’ for his own good. He will benefit from having to work harder in this coming year before his little piggy eyes see any breaded cod.

On the matter of the actual rowing, I will have to strongly disagree about our lack of direction.

You may have noticed that you are, in fact, sat backwards in the boat? So leave the direction to the damn cox and concentrating on putting your back into it, eh?

This point alone highlights your lack of understanding of committee matters, but then your ignorance really comes to the fore with your statement “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough” confirms that you shouldn’t really try thinking as much as you do. And your unwillingness to follow the directions of The Captain may be cause for revue of your position on the team. Or perhaps you fancy yourself as a bit of a Captain, eh? Little bit of Captain-material in you is there? Fancy wearing the special cap, do you?

No – I thought not, so shup.

I’m sorry that you’re sorry that you’re sorry about attending, because there’s too much sorrow in this world already – and just look what you’ve added to it? Sorrow.

Having already been told your fortunes once by The Captain, it leads me to believe that you are either a non-believer in our Captain’s talent, or are simply against all Gypsy types?

Remember Kate – there is no place for racists or bigots in rowing! I will not be reading this out to the committee – but that’s more to save our Captain’s feelings than to protect you from your inane rantings.

I hope this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club. I also hope that in your absence, there will be some of those chicken tikka skewers left at the buffet, which I couldn’t help but notice disappear whenever your snatchy little mitts are around the place.

Have a nice night watching Dirty Dancing in your retro Jimbo And The Jet Set pyjama’s though, if you’re not coming.

Moody pie.

Regards,

Nasty Evil Ninja
MySpace Appointed Official AGM Loughborough Facist Committee Representative

***UPDATE***

Yay! She replied!!!

Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:29:40 +0100
From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress

Excellent!!!

Don’t fancy standing as a captain for a rowing club do you? I think you’d be brilliant!!!

Sorry, got the .com’s and the .co.uk’s mixed up and you received my rantings instead of the poor soul they were aimed at!!

I will of course put your point of view forward!

The grumpy cow in Loughborough!

————-

RE:
From: Nasty Evil Ninja
Sent:
11 April 2008 15:47:36
To:
Kate **** (k.**@lboro.ac.uk)

> I’d love to be Captain of a rowing team! I know which way the boats have to go and everything!

And you mean your head of committee is a ‘yousicklittlemonkey’, or were you just typing out loud?

Be sure to put my points forward – although I bet that filthy old fortune teller of a Captain will already be expecting it!

Good luck!

Nasty Evil Ninja

Burger King? Burger Kunts, More Like!

Burger King?  Burger Kunts, More Like!

It was drawing to the end of a long Friday at work, when I found a link to some vouchers – Buy one, get one free on Big Macs and loads of Burger King stuff.

I was already starving to death, and so by the time I’d printed them off and cut them, I’d already hatched a cunning plan.

I’d seen the TV ads for the BK Angus Burger, and it looked pretty good.

https://i0.wp.com/www.wgardner.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/burger-jap.jpg

Unfortunately, every BK I’d ever been in was staffed by the dumbest FUCKTARDS I have ever encountered in my life!

I swear to God not one time have they got my order right!  The last time all I ordered was a Big Whopper, Fries, and some Onion Rings.  It doesn’t get much simpler.  No, I don’t want a drink.  No, I don’t want the Whopper Meal, else I’d have asked for that.  No, it DOES NOT work out cheaper if I have the meal, because I have to pay 60p more AND I can’t have the drink because I’m on a fucking bike… etc.

Same story as every damn fast food purchase whilst in my leathers.

After about 20 minutes of Quasi-fucking-modo’s Grandson trying to work it out, I got home to discover I did have the Onion Rings (and that took a LOT of fighting to make sure) – but no bastard fries!!!

Plus BK stuff costs more than McD’s, and it’s all smaller.  Fuck that.

So, being the forgiving and adventurous sort, I decided to give The King another chance to appease the Nasty Evil Ninja.

https://i0.wp.com/www.london-se1.co.uk/restaurants/images/030712_burgerking.jpg

Walking in, eyeing Wolf Boy and Lurch suspiciously as they loped about behind the counter, I produced my Buy One Get One Free Angus Burger Voucher, nodding a bit.  Yeah, bitch – look what I’ve got!

“We don’t take them.” Lurch sprayed at me through his mouldy brace.

I looked up at the big Burger King sign, just in case it had become a McDonalds or Filthy McNasty’s since I was last there.  Nope – The King was still here.

“We’re franchised to the motorway services – so we don’t accept regular vouchers.”

Oh, I see!  So you can rip us right the fuck off, eh?  Thought I.

As I’d been waiting to be served, I was looking for some kind of price list on display so I knew how much some fries would cost me with my Angus Burgers.  For the life of me I couldn’t see any prices anywhere!  The old adage “If you have to ask – you can’t afford it” is very wise.  But not in a fast food joint, surely?!

I couldn’t exactly turn around and go somewhere else for food now, or I’d look a bit silly… so I glanced up at the pictures and ordered the best beast I could see – a Triple Pepper Double Angus Burger or something – and large fries.

“Six pounds seventy whatever.”  Lurch said.

I beg your fucking pardon???  Almost SEVEN POUNDS for a burger and fries????

I paid as Wolf Boy capered about getting the food.

“There you go,”  he said as he handed the bag over, “Triple Pepper Double Anus Belcher and Regular Fries.”

Ah.  There we go.  I ask for TWO THINGS, and they get it wrong!!!!

Rage fuelled by hunger was tenuously held at bay as I informed him of the error of his ways, and he threw another bag of fries at me.

I sauntered out of (hopefully) the last Burger King that I will ever visit…

https://i1.wp.com/www.popreport.com/FeatureArticles/Images/BurgerKing.jpg

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Nasty Evil Ninja – Customer Service Master

Ahh, with my email address, it’s not too often that I get genuine mistaken emails sent to me! Viagra and viruses, yes – but it’s very rare that anyone will type in ‘yousicklittlemonkey’ instead of ‘BobHodges@hotmail.com‘ or whatever.

But Kate did. And here’s what happened:

> Subject:
> Date: Wed, 9 Apr 2008 12:03:56 +0100
> From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
> To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress>
> Don
>
> I’m writing to send my apologies, I won’t be attending the AGM next week, I just wanted you to know that it’s not because I have no interest in the club, that’s not the case. In fact I’m not attending because I find the whole club very upsetting.
>
> As far as I can see there is very little point in appointing a committee when the club is, and if allowed to continue in its current state, run by one man. At the last AGM our captain stated that he wanted new blood into the committee, what he meant was that he wanted people who would agree with him to stand by him. I rather unfortunately had a slightly different opinion on the way OUR club should be run to our captain and it was made quite clear to me that any suggestions I made would get no further than dreaming chat in the committee meeting. Does the committee have any say on anything, from the key being taken away for the bar, quads being bought, to where the annual dinner is held?! (interesting that in Neil’s email about the annual dinner, he comments that the boat club is not the preferred venue of the whole club, they why has the committee allowed this to go ahead? again a case of agree with us, or stay out.)
>
> I would expect that during the captains round up at the AGM there will be a moment to thank Marcus and Boris for their hard work with the juniors last summer. Their dedication to the composite (welbeck/loughborough) 8+ was paramount in those kids winning their novice pots at Peterborough. They gave up a number of weekends to take the crews racing, some of the only racing seen by the whole club in the year. I think there are a number of people from the club regularly overlooked despite their best efforts to keep rowing alive. Has George been thanked for his endless work with the club?
>
> On the matter of rowing, or lack of, how does a rowing club survive without a coach? surely a club should revolve around a coach? Loughborough appear to have no direction in rowing and the ARA’S motto of “rowing for all” certainly does not apply at this club. Perhaps “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough. Loughborough as a club is letting down it’s juniors and novice rowers and quite possibly discouraging rowing in the borough of Charnwood.
>
> I’m sorry I won’t be attending but it seems a complete waste of my time and for that matter, everyone’s.
>
> I’d rather that this wasn’t read out to the committee, I’ve already been told my fortunes once by the captain and it’s certainly not an experience I’d like to go through again.
>
> I don’t know how the club should or will go forward but I hope that this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club.
>
> Kate
>
> Kate ****
> Research Student
> IPTME
> Loughborough University
> Loughborough
> Leicestershire
> LE11 3TU
> UK
>
> Tel: (crikey, I could even phone her!)

—————————–

RE:
From: (yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress)
Sent:
11 April 2008 14:22:09
To:
Kate **** (k.****@lboro.ac.uk)

.. > Kate,

I fully understand and sympathise with your position, and apologise for my delay in replying!

A ‘committee’ run by one man is rarely a good idea, however in this case I think the ideal man for the job IS indeed appointed.

You seem to be missing the whole point about agreeing with us. You see, your negative attitude is no good to anyone, really. If we act upon the ‘disagreements’ of certain committee members all willy-nilly, where would that get us?

Neil had to see the back of my hand before he agreed with us. What better place for a dinner than the boat club itself? It promotes a sense of team spirit that we just wouldn’t get from McDonalds! I hope you don’t need the gentle persuasion of a big hoofing knuckley slap from my backhand to come around to this?

I like you, Kate – always have.

Marcus and Boris are indeed in line for recognition at the captains round up. Birdseye Fish Fingers may not seem at first glance to be more than an obligatory ‘thank you’, but let me assure you that we found the proper cod ones! We figured these will soon be surpassing gold in value, plus they’re much more useful than some poxy trophy or a Debenhams voucher. Not George, though. His eyes are too close together and the committee unanimously agreed that he looks a bit too much like that bed-ridden Grandmother from ‘Allo Allo’ for his own good. He will benefit from having to work harder in this coming year before his little piggy eyes see any breaded cod.

On the matter of the actual rowing, I will have to strongly disagree about our lack of direction.

You may have noticed that you are, in fact, sat backwards in the boat? So leave the direction to the damn cox and concentrating on putting your back into it, eh?

This point alone highlights your lack of understanding of committee matters, but then your ignorance really comes to the fore with your statement “rowing as long as your happy to go along with everything the captain says” should be the new motto for Loughborough” confirms that you shouldn’t really try thinking as much as you do. And your unwillingness to follow the directions of The Captain may be cause for revue of your position on the team. Or perhaps you fancy yourself as a bit of a Captain, eh? Little bit of Captain-material in you is there? Fancy wearing the special cap, do you?

No – I thought not, so shup.

I’m sorry that you’re sorry that you’re sorry about attending, because there’s too much sorrow in this world already – and just look what you’ve added to it? Sorrow.

Having already been told your fortunes once by The Captain, it leads me to believe that you are either a non-believer in our Captain’s talent, or are simply against all Gypsy types?

Remember Kate – there is no place for racists or bigots in rowing! I will not be reading this out to the committee – but that’s more to save our Captain’s feelings than to protect you from your inane rantings.

I hope this years AGM marks the beginning of a new outlook for the club. I also hope that in your absence, there will be some of those chicken tikka skewers left at the buffet, which I couldn’t help but notice disappear whenever your snatchy little mitts are around the place.

Have a nice night watching Dirty Dancing in your retro Jimbo And The Jet Set pyjama’s though, if you’re not coming.

Moody pie.

Regards,

Nasty Evil Ninja
MySpace Appointed Official AGM Loughborough Facist Committee Representative

***UPDATE***

Yay! She replied!!!

Subject: RE:
Date: Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:29:40 +0100
From: K.****@lboro.ac.uk
To: yousicklittlemonkey@thisaddress

Excellent!!!

Don’t fancy standing as a captain for a rowing club do you? I think you’d be brilliant!!!

Sorry, got the .com’s and the .co.uk’s mixed up and you received my rantings instead of the poor soul they were aimed at!!

I will of course put your point of view forward!

The grumpy cow in Loughborough!

————-

RE:
From: Nasty Evil Ninja
Sent:
11 April 2008 15:47:36
To:
Kate **** (k.**@lboro.ac.uk)

> I’d love to be Captain of a rowing team! I know which way the boats have to go and everything!

And you mean your head of committee is a ‘yousicklittlemonkey’, or were you just typing out loud?

Be sure to put my points forward – although I bet that filthy old fortune teller of a Captain will already be expecting it!

Good luck!

Nasty Evil Ninja