Daddy Long Legs Plague!

Daddy Long Legs Plague!

This is a repost from a blog I wrote way back in 2006(!?!).  There isn’t a current plague, but if one happens after this, rest assured that it was me who predicted it, I’m ace, and you should tell everyone.

I’ve just had a bit of a chat in my lunch break where the subject of Daddy Long Legs came up – I stated that they are totally pointless creatures, whose only reason for existence is to fly around dangling thier legs over your face and freaking you out.  That reminded me of this rant I once had, when these buggers were EVERYWHERE one Summer.  Enjoy!


Yes, it’s Official (err, because I’ve said it) – there is current plague in the UK of Daddy Longlegs!

The gangly-dangly-legged buggers are all over the shop! They’ve obviously discovered some kind of Viagra, or their TV sets have packed up, or something, because they’ve been shagging more than a $2 hooker at a stag night.And why do they want to get in your house so badly? Any tiny window open and they storm it like a scene from Braveheart! It’s not like they do much when they get inside, either – they just flop around trying to drag their legs over your face, then sit on the wall doing bugger all! Maybe they are trying to watch your TV…

They could at least try and be entertaining. Or even be a bit more lively!I mean, come on! One out of ten for effort!

If they had voices, they’d have little whiney ones moaning about how it’s too hot, too cold, too far etc…

And I’d be the first to tell them to shut their bug-eyed, tiny-gobbed, horse-nosed faces!

Perhaps if they stung or bit it’d spice them up? But no – if you even try to grab them, all that happens is their legs drop off! Good thinking there, Lanky! Great defence!

The only thing they are good for is feeding all the spiders up so there’s loads of them in Extra Large Fat Bellied Size this year – and we don’t thank you for that, you dopey bastards!

So here’s to the Daddy Long Legs – feeble giver-upper of the insect world:


Some info from Wikipedia (link now changed from original posting) – check these names out!!!:

Crane flies (Tilupidae) are a family of insects resembling giant mosquitoes. Like the mosquito, they are in the order Diptera (flies). They are sometimes called mosquito eaters, lollygaggers, gallinippers, gollywhoppers, chicken flies, mosquito hawks, leather jackets, Jimmy Spinners or skeeter eaters. Crane flies are also popularly called Daddy longlegs along with two other species.

This Man Is NOT Funny!!!!!

This Man Is NOT Funny!!!!!

Sometimes I really do wonder how the Hell certain people became ‘celebrities’, or why certain ‘celebrities’ are even famous.

Here is one who’s -ing everywhere in every bastard film and apparently he’s the new God of the Comedy genre:

Owen Wilson.

“Oh, he’s soooooo funny!!!!!”


Just fucking WHEN has he EVER been funny?

What the fuck is wrong with everyone to think this Cunt-Wig is in the slightest bit funny, so should be in every ‘comedy’ film?????

Am I missing something?

Is it just because he’s ‘good looking’?

He looks like a gay hair model to me.  Anyway, nobody thought he was all that when he was the bad guy in Karate Kid!

Err, that is him, isn’t it?  Anyway…

He wasn’t funny in the slightest in Starsky and Hutch, but I let it pass and gave him a chance.

Then I tried to watch what looked like it could be a really funny film: You, Me & Dupree.

Holy Rat-Nippled Christ!

By half way in I had to stop the film because it was sapping my will to live – and it’s THAT unfunny fucker I’m holding responsible!  I tried my best to watch it… and after 1hr 13 mins I was actually feeling depressed at how shit it was, and I swear to God I cannot make it to the end of the film!  I think this may be the first film ever.


I’m sure I can’t be the only one in the world who thinks this, but it sure does feel like it.

I hate the bastard almost as much as ‘That Cunt’ Jack Black.

Utterly Shit New Facebook Feed – Go And Die

Utterly Shit New Facebook Feed – Go And Die

All day I saw people whinging about yet more new and unoptoutable (is that a word?) changes that Facebook were making.  I couldn’t see much difference apart from some of my groups in the list were missing.  Or MORE, I should say, as the rest disappeared a while back during other changes…

Getting back tonight and sitting down with a nice monkfish tail and noodles, I called up Facebook and… It’s here!

What, in the blue-arsed spasticated baboons arse of a CUNT have they gone and done now?!?

For fucks sake!

I’m greeted with ‘Top Stories’.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Good idea, but useless to me.  How do I change it back?  I can’t??

Ok, so I go down the list of posts on my news feed, and click the options tag to the right of their post, to find that by default, I’m only going to see ‘most’ of that friends posts on Facebook.  I have to go through the 300-odd (some very odd) friends on their individually to change this so I can see ALL their posts like before??  FUCK YOU.  FUCK YOU RIGHT UNDER THE FINGERNAILS WITH THE EDGE OF A CORRUGATED PIZZA BOX, YOU UTTER CUNTS!!!!

Surely the default setting should be to see ALL posts, and in time order from the most recent??  That’s the whole fucking point of Facebook??

I’m only on there to keep in touch with friends, and more importantly to be ENTERTAINED by what they say!  I like to think some on there will be ENTERTAINED by what I post, too!

But are they even seeing it now?  Am I seeing them?

Have they sold Facebook to MySpace?  Because I loved that place until they utterly fucked it up to the point where I scrapped my 1 million view blog to start again from scratch on a site that wasn’t shit!

Facebook has done even worse, because where MySpace simply ignored anything to do with blogs, FaceFuck has directly fucked up the entire point of being there.


*applauds sarcastically*

And you film was shit, too.

Cunts. Facebook, being the ball that Facebook dropped, yesterday.