Moves That Don’t Work In A Fight

Moves That Don’t Work In A Fight

You may have read the story about my school fight with Tompy – in this, I tell of a move I’d learned and perfected that would pretty much end any fight in a shower of blood and snot.

In this fight, I had my first opportunity to use it.  I grabbed a handful of his hair, so I could pull back his head and deliver a hammer fist/forearm strike downwards on his face with all my body weight.  Except I couldn’t pull his head back!

That was probably my first experience that almost every martial artist will have at some point:

Most of what they teach you does not work in a real fight.

Having a fully compliant training partner is a lot different from facing down some adrenaline jacked psychopath.

Most martial arts will teach you to throw a punch, then as you for some weird reason leave your arm out there, fully extended, your partner will smoothly dodge around your extended arm and trip you to the mat.

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What actually happens in your average pub brawl, is this:

You either turn around just as a punch connects with your face, or your opponent talks some shit to scare you, and smacks you in the face while you’re suffering from adrenaline dump.

That’s a real opening.  You’re stood there with a silly look on your face as they hoof you into unconsciousness.

In the extremely unlikely even that you’re switched on enough to actually dodge their first haymaker, you’ll notice that they pull their arm back in almost instantly.  

As a slight aside, this is even more true of someone with a knife – so don’t even start to think about being the hero with that one!

The ONLY chance you have to use that arm is to dodge in such a way that you can hook your arm around theirs as they throw the strike, intercept their strike, or move inside it with a block.

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The first one I have tested successfully.  Basically, as they punch you move to their outside, sliding your hand over the top of their arm and the up under their armpit.  From there, and all in one fluid move, you can push the side of your hand into their shoulder-blade before they recover their balance, and take them face first into the floor or a wall, or apply a suppression hold as needed.  Even with this, I found I had to wait for them to throw a straightish punch – and most untrained people simply won’t do this.  And also remember to think ‘Trap And Snap’, rather then wrestling on the floor where their 4 mates can stamp on your head.

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Intercepting their strike I’ve already covered as being the best move you can ever learn, which will enable you to beat any opponent.  That is simply to get your elbow up exactly how your body wants to react.  They punch the point of your elbow, they shatter their hand, and the fight goes right out of them.  Job jobbed, and so easy I can train a 5 year old to do it.

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Moving inside with a block is one we all like to think we can do, but in reality I doubt it.  You can combine it with the elbow interception, but the idea of actually stepping TOWARDS someone who is punching you isn’t natural, and you can ony overcome your instincts with A LOT of pressure training or real fight experience.

People will tell you to “never kick above the waist in a streetfight”.  I would disagree with that.  Booting someone in the head is something they won’t be expecting, and even if they do grab your leg you can close in and reign elbows down on them before they can do much of use with it.  The main reason I think this would fail is because most people can’t kick to head hight from cold.  If you can’t – don’t.

And do you know what other moves aren’t a good idea to try in a fight?

Anything that doesn’t assume the opponents first strike will be a punch to your head or a headbutt.  Or anything that assumes an attacker will throw one attack at a time, rather than launch an assault like a frenzied windmill, or an Ameri-Do-Te Hurticane.

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If you survive their first assault, THEN you might get a chance to take control and show off your martial arts moves for your mates.

Just don’t expect them to let you do it to them!

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MARTIAL ARTS: Only ’Girls’ Get Strangled Or Bear-Hugged!

MARTIAL ARTS: Only ’Girls’ Get Strangled Or Bear-Hugged!

Over my 26 years of study, I’ve been told a fair few times that I should teach women’s self defence or something.  Not because I fight like a girl.  I hope.

I’ve taught many friends (and some enemies, I guess) a few techniques to get them out of nasty situations.  In fact if anyone ever thinks they’ve found the ultimate hold or anything, I’m happy to let them do it on me so that I can show them how to get out of it.  I love doing this, because it brings out the core values of Ninjitsu – i.e. being able to adapt to any situation and win.

It’s always confused me when I see ’real self defence’ classes (especially ones aimed at women) who always and without fail will teach their students how to deal with two types of attack:

’Bear Hugs’ and ’Being Strangled From The Front’.

Now, maybe this is just me, but not a single one of the people I’ve taught has requested defences for these things.

Do you even know anyone who’s ever been attacked on the street by a bear hug or a front strangle???  Who the hell is going to attack anyone like that???

Yet these moves are always the core of their self defence systems.  Go figure.

Bear Hugs

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For those who don’t know what it is (and this is nothing to do with Plushies, you perves!!!), it’s where your attacker will wrap his arms around your upper body, most often pinning your arms to your sides, and is then able to crush you or carry you away.

Oooh!  Scary!

If they do this from a face-to-face position, the chances are that on pure instinct you will drop your head forwards and smash their teeth out.  Not to mention your legs are free to give short, sharp hoofers to their shins or knee them in the bollocks.  In the unlikely event that this natural flailing won’t make them let you go, have a good old chomp on their neck and face.

If they haven’t pinned your arms to your sides, no doubt before you have time to think you’ll be beating away at the sides of their head.  I’d recommend clawing their eyes out and shoving your thumbs as deep into their sockets as you can.  If you have some strength it’s even possible to snap their neck by lifting slightly below their jaw both sides and then twisting their head.

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If they’re bear-hugging you from behind it could make you panic more – but you’re far from helpless!

If your arms are pinned, it’s always worth a go at throwing your head back into their face.  If they’re a lot bigger or they’re a zombie whose head has fallen off backwards, you may not be able to make contact this way.  Or they may have tucked their head in tight to yours so you can’t get a good smack in.

Don’t panic!  It’s not over yet!  You should also bear in mind that whenever you’re using your head as a weapon there’s always a chance that you’ll knock yourself out.  You don’t want to do this, so if possible only nut someone as a last resort!

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Anyway, so in this case you can’t use your head.  What you want to be doing is simply smacking your heels backwards into their legs.  All these shin-kicking type moves I’m advising here are assuming you’re wearing shoes – and the harder they are the better.  It will work barefoot, but not half as well!  It should still be enough to get you out of the hold either way.

Also, if your arms are pinned you’ll usually be able to work your hands between you and the attacker and crush the fuck out of a big handful of testicle.  Do it.

If they’ve grabbed you from behind but left your arms free, they’ve made a big boo-boo!

Lift both of your arms up to shoulder height, bent at the elbows like a chicken getting ready to fly, and then twist your whole upper body left and right in turn rapidly.

After a few tries you’re bound to find your elbows will smack into your attackers head, and when this happens it will bounce their head to the other side, so that when you twist the other way you make even harder contact with their noggin.  This will knock them right the fuck out VERY quickly.  It might hurt your elbows or the backs of your arms a bit, but the rapid twisting will also be great for slimming fat from your sides and hips – so it’s worth a bit of pain!

Strangles

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If anyone has ever successfully strangled someone whilst stood up, it would have relied almost totally on the victim freezing up.  “Oh God!  He’s got my neck and I can’t breath!  What can I do???”

Well, I’ll tell you what you can do:

If they’re stood facing you, and have simply reached their arms out and wrapped their big sweaty palms around your throat, you’d have to be a bit simple to get choked unconscious.

There are loads of techniques taught to get you out of this, and sadly, a lot of them will fail against a stronger attacker, causing you to panic even more and quit.  QUITTER!!!!

First off, when trying to break any hold, one technique might fail.  It’s no biggy – just try something else!  Just don’t keep on trying something that doesn’t work – for the main reason that they’ll know what you’re trying to do and will just make damn sure it won’t work!

Of all the escapes that I know, there are two which will work 99.9% of the time for everyone.

The first is to simply put your hands together, and then raise them hard and fast inbetween the arms of your Strangler.  This should bring your shoulders up between his hands, twisting his grip off your neck.  Easy-peasy lemon-squeazy!  Run free, slightly-red-necked unstrangled person!

The other is to twist your whole body sideways.  This may work alone, but I’d also recommend that as you turn to the side, raise one of your arms and put it over the top of both of their arms (go on, give their face a quick hook on your way!).  This creates a huge amount of leverage as your armpit forces their hands off your neck.  You’re also in a great position to leg it as soon as you’re free.

Of course, if you’re pressed with your back against a wall or something, yo may not be able to do this one, but the first should still work as long as you can get your arms up between theirs.

If they both fail, or you just want to make sure they won’t be strangling anyone again for a while, use both hands to grab hold of the fleshy part of their thumb (or their thumb itself, or even their little finger) and rotate their hand away from your neck, whilst twisting your body, until you hear their wrist snap.  It will put them right off.

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This is also the best technique for someone strangling you from behind, although the second ’twisting away’ technique should work too, obviously with you throwing your arm backwards over theirs as you twist.

There, now!  You’ve got no excuses for getting yourself twatted, have you?

Now go and try it out with someone – but go easy and do it half speed at first so you can feel how it’s all working.  This is stuff that WORKS and doesn’t need you to train for 60 years daily.

Damaging The Small Bones

Damaging The Small Bones

Whilst pounding an attacker through the wall with some hoofing great oki-wakka-smakka is satisfying and looks impressive, the reality is that most conflicts can be ended just as swiftly by damaging the tiniest of bones.

You’ll know by now how I’m an advocate of letting your opponent break his own hands when he tries to hit you (by simply raising your elbow up to protect your face), but sometimes you need to be a bit more proactive.

I once read that it takes 3600lbs of pressure to crush a bone down its length, but only 8lbs of sideways pressure to snap it.  This of course depends on the bone, and muscle/fat/tendon coverings naturally strengthen things up, but you get the impression – hit a bone the right way and it’s pretty easy to break it.

Punching or kicking someones hands gets good results – especially if they haven’t made a fist.  Fingers are easy to snap or dislocate, as are the bones running down the back of the hand (which are also rich with pressure points and nerves), and even the wrist itself.  Even if they have made a fist you can do serious damage, and if you damage someones hand they go right off trying to punch you, at least!

Most self-defence instructors will teach you to stomp on the tops of their feet.  It’s good, but if you miss you might jar your own leg.

The nose is an obvious small bone to go for and most will break very easily.  Take it from me that breaking your nose is not nice.  First it blinds you, and then most of the time just as the pain is kicking in you’ll go into uncontrolable fits of sneezes.  This is EXACTLY what you want when blood and bones are already hanging out of your snout, and if there is a Creator then rest assured I will bitchslap them if I ever meet them just for having put me through this several times.

Anyone who’s watched Mixed Martial Arts like UFC will think it’s easy to snap peoples arms and stuff when they’re grappling, and that’s a myth we need to bust right now!  When you’re grappling with someone – especially if it’s a streetfight where their life may depend on it – all the adrenalin kicks in and gives you both near superhuman strength.

You can’t just grab someones arm or leg and twist it until it snaps.  This is where you DO need lots of proper training to make things work.  If you don’t have a properly trained background then you’re going to look silly and waste all your energy.  Watch any live Police-type show and you’ll see just how tough it is to get a proper lock on your average Joe Pisshead.

What WILL work in grapples is the stuff that’s banned from UFC and almost all MMA sports fighting – and that’s small joint manipulations.

Grab hold of just one of their fingers or toes with all your strength and wrench that bastard until it pops off in your hands!  If you manage to get hold of two of their fingers rip them apart and split their hand in half all the way up to their wrist.  Repeat until they let you go or you run out of bits to pull off them.

So this isn’t ‘easy’ stuff to win a fight for you, but if you’re already in the heat of combat and need things to sway the odds in your favour this is the kind of stuff that they ban in sports fighting for good reason – it works.

How To Win Any Fight (without even hitting them!)

How To Win Any Fight (without even hitting them!)

Something for the weekend here!

I’m sure all of you are aware of the thousands of different Martial Arts that are being taught.

A question I’m often asked, is “which is the best for real self defence?”.

The simple answer to this is that it’s any style which ADAPTS to whatever the threat is, your surroundings, and YOUR natural reactions and ability.

Ninjitsu, Krav Magar, Russian Systema, and a few other military styles fit this bill – but even then it depends on who the instructor is and how well they understand this concept themselves!

Muay Thai Kickboxing is another great style that does work on the streets.  Doing it properly, you WILL get yourself bopped in the snout.  This is good in that you’ll learn how to get hit and still be able to fight back – but bad in that you’ll be getting hit!

But there are, essentially, a few very simple moves that anyone can use against any attacker, and they are natural, work almost every time, and will hugely boost your chances of beating even a much more skilled and stronger opponent.

Most of this is in simplicity.

You can spend 40 years locked away in a monastry, learning beautifully skilled, near-impossible techniques, and then some drunk Nob-head in the pub will knock you out with a big swinging hoofer of a punch.

How did that happen?

Because your body, under real pressure when some little yob was yelling at you and spitting in your face, decided all it wanted to do was curl up on the floor and have a quick poo.

Dealing with the fear of a fight is a whole other matter for another day – but for now I’ll tell you probably the best move you can do that you won’t even have to learn.

OK, so someone is about to punch you in the head.

Aside from pulling a stupid face, what does your body want you to do?

You want to put your hands/arms up and cover your face, right?

Right!

So bollocks to all these fancy blocks, or moving your head so the punch just misses – GET YOURSELF COVERED UP!!!

Now hold it there!  Have a look at yourself.

Those filthy great big elbows sticking out are probably the 2nd best natural weapons that you have.

If someone were to punch that elbow, there is every chance that they will break their fingers or even shatter their hand.  If that happens, the fight will go right out of them!  Nobody wants to carry on punching with a broken hand!

How easy is that?  You’ve just won a fight and it was THEM who hit YOU!

Of course, it needs a bit of tweaking to make it reliable, but you’ve just done exactly what your natural instincts told you to do, and at the same time done what is known as a Devastation Technique – something which damages your opponent in a way that destroys their hand and makes it impossible to use.

It’s not as effective against hook-punches as it is against straight ones, but does still work.  Also, if you’re on the ground and someone is trying to boot you in the head, if you can do this and stick your elbows out so that it hits their shins, you can do severe damage to their leg and even break it.

In the unlikely situation that they’re trying to kick you below the waist, you do pretty much the same thing using the point of your knee – that is, the knobbly bone just below your kneecap that is actually the top of your shin bone.  Try and raise that so when they kick, that point connects with their shins.

If they’re kicking above waist height, then use the point of your elbow to get in the way.

There aren’t many people that will teach you this – and there are even fewer who will be able to fight against it…