Biker Vs The World Part 24

If you’ve been following me on YouTube you’ll know all about my infamous ‘Biker Vs The World’ videos.

These are a compilation of ‘incidents’ from my helmet cam footage onboard my bikes.

Whilst the clips everyone wants to see are those where I almost get killed by idiot car drivers, or where I get involved in road rage, I do try to inject a bit of humour and even ‘feels’ into them – you’ll see the trucker at the end of this one!

The first clip in Part 24 is a recent one from a terrible rainy morning. A Mini had sped past me and I was loosely following. He went through a crossroads where a car was waiting, and as I approached I was in direct line of sight to the – let’s call him a Cunt, because he is – Cunt, he waited until I got even closer and then went directly across the road in front of me.

I had to slam on my brakes, and the ONLY reason I didn’t crash right there was because that piece of road is covered in Shell Grip. I was looking for a place to turn around to go and batter the absolute fuck of that Cunt (and I don’t actually know if it was a man or woman driving, because I couldn’t see – I just get the feeling this was a male), but there wasn’t a handy turning place.

There was no excuse.

Incidentally, I almost burst a blood vessel in my neck or something when I shouted. That hurt.

Enjoy:

 

When cars don’t want bikes to filter through traffic…

When cars don’t want bikes to filter through traffic…

(or “How to make a car driver look like a proper knob!”)

Why do they do it?

If everyone rode a bike there wouldn’t ever be any traffic jams!

By stopping me going past you, you’re effectively making me behave like a car, causing you and everyone else more delays!

It seems crazy to me that some countries still won’t let bikes legally filter or lane split.

Just let them go past, people!

Oh, and you also get to meet my new beast – Yes, I’ve bought a Honda VTR Firestorm!  1000cc’s of V-twin thunder!

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The New UK Motorway Laws

The New UK Motorway Laws

It appears that the UK has rolled out a load of new rules for driving on motorways.

The accepted practice is not that everyone sits bumper to bumper in lane 3 (or ‘The Fast Lane’), tapping their brakes at regular intervals, whilst traffic now overtakes them in the two left-hand lanes.

All the way up the M6 the other day and then back down again I witnessed this phenomenon.  Everyone in lane 3 as traffic concertinered to a dead stop again and again with no cause – no accidents or road works – just fuckwits behind the wheel.

As soon as traffic speed drops below 60mph it’s time to dive into lane 1 and carry on at speed, otherwise you get caught in lane 3 as you watch all the HGV’s piss off into the distance as if they’ve just snatched your purse!

I’ve ranted many times about drivers who hog the middle lane, meaning they’ve just instantly reduced a 3 lane motorway to a one lane snarl-up, but things have all of a sudden got REALLY serious.

People will sit in lane 2 or 3 for miles and miles.

How hard can it be for the Government to get some adverts out there that simply say:

STAY IN THE LEFT LANE UNLESS YOU’RE OVERTAKING!!!

Come on, people!  Are you scared of ‘The Slow Lane’ all of a sudden?

Why?!

Because once you’re in it you have to LOOK in your fucking mirrors and actually INDICATE to pull out and go past people?  Are you cunts really that lazy that this is the cause?  Or am I missing something?

I know we’re not supposed to ‘undertake’ people but they have made it impossible.

I would suggest that if you indicate left and leave the light on as you go past some ignorant wanker in the middle lane it might, just MIGHT make them think about pulling the fuck over!

Remember: if someone is able to undertake you, then you should have been able to pull over to the left to let them pass, anyway! 

And there is no such offence as ‘undertaking’.  If you get pulled it will be for dangerous or reckless driving.  So if you undertake safely there is no law against it.

Adding in your own gesticulations and shake of the head as you cruise past them as if you’re driving in fucking Spain is optional.

Leave those evil dangerous lunatics who exceed a 50 year old speed limit alone – and focus on those twats who are a REAL danger to everyone one on our roads!  Where is the campaign to get people to stay the fuck to the left on motorways?!

Spies Spy On People SHOCKER & Getting Flashed By A Nazi

Spies Spy On People SHOCKER & Getting Flashed By A Nazi

It’s all over the news at the moment – they’ve caught some female spy who was… wait for it… SPYING!

Fancy that!  Whatever next?  Bakers in Making Bread shocker???

I arrived at the conclusion that all news these days is aimed at spastics quite a while ago, but things like this still pop up and anger me.

FFS does anyone really think no spying goes on these days?  Just because there are a few James Bond films doesn’t mean MI6 don’t REALLY exist!

Every country has spies.  Funnily enough, their job is to spy on people and not get caught.

Like… Durrrrr!

The other genius bit of reporting was when yesterday it was all over the news that from that day onwards one of our £20 notes was no longer valid to spend.  No chance of reporting that a week before so we have a chance to change them, then?  Fucking tits.

And this morning I got flashed!

No – not the cock-and-balls-in-a-trenchcoat type, unfortunately.

I was riding out of a 30mph zone into a 40mph zone behind a couple of cars.  The lead car was still doing under 30mph well into the 40, so, as any Police biker will advise you to do, I took the opportunity to ‘make progress’.

It’s a straight, well-sighted road, easily wide enough for me to overtake whilst not even crossing over the centre line of the road, so I overtook, still actually doing LESS than the 40mph limit.  Nice and easy, safe, and no drama.

Except there was a car coming in the opposite direction, and he flashed his lights at me like I was raping his Mother over his bonnet and about to make him crash into a ravine!

What the fuck???

How did I in any way affect his driving, or cause any kind of unsafe situation?  I sat bolt upright with both arms out in a questioning gesture.  What was he angry about?  Had he successfully judged my speed and road safety from 50 metres down the road and found them wanting?

I seriously considered turning around and having a word with them to find out what the problem was.  Although I guess I know the problem was that they were a Traffic Nazi.

It should be noted that they appeared to be holding up the car immediately behind them… go figure…

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flash3.jpg picture by NastyEvilNinja