Drug Driving Is Officially Illegal From Today!

Drug Driving Is Officially Illegal From Today!

According to a few news sources (who as a rare treat are actually pedalling important news that isn’t about some granny falling off a stage), today, new rules come into force to crack down on people driving under the influence of drugs.
Whilst in theory, this means less chance for people like me to get squished by big white vans stinking of ganja at 8 in the morning, it also grinds on me like an ugly stripper that you suspect has herpes, and wants to rub her damaged bits on you.
It seems that by swab tests at the roadside or ‘other tests’ back at the Police station, they can now catch you and charge you.
And it’s pretty hefty, too – 1 year minimum driving ban.  I don’t fully understand the measurements they use to identify a positive test, but they look pretty low.
And there lies our first problem…
I have no problem with people injecting whatever drugs they like into their eyeballs or up their snouts, but if this is going to catch someone who had a sly joint 2 days ago, it’s not a good thing for anyone.
Then there’s the fact that they WILL also test for legal medication, and you can still be charged. In one link I saw this:
“People using prescription drugs – including morphine and methadone – will not be penalised if they use the drugs within the recommended amounts.”
So, you’re telling me that somone with a trace of cocain in their system is more of a danger on the roads than someone who’s just had a legal dose of methadone? I’ve never had a legal dose of methadone, admittedly, but considering it’s take to replace a hit of heroin, I’m pretty sure that the dosage will fuck you right up. A trace of a stimulant drug that speeds up your reactions, vs some meth head in his dream world?
Who exactly has made these decisions?
Secondly, where the Hell did this all spring from?
I literally only saw an article this morning.  If I’d had my usual prescription dose of crack before jumping on my bike, I could have been banned!  Or, in more serious terms – did you have time to check and arrange other transport instead of risking your prescription meds?
And lastly, I do wonder how this all compares to the tits who STILL use their mobile phones whilst driving?
And I mean, every single day I see lots of drivers with them, texting away in their lap without even looking at the road for seconds at a time.
That’s, what? A £60 fine when they get caught? Not that they ever do…
I can’t help thinking that I’d fancy my chances more against a driver on LSD than some twat updating their Facebook status as they drive…

Consequences Of The UK Street Riots

Consequences Of The UK Street Riots

I’m shitting myself that one day I’ll get caught for speeding – which will potentially mean prison time and the loss of my job, followed by years of massive price hikes on my insurance and possibly retaking both my driving licenses.

At the same time, these fuckers are burning down buildings and stealing as much as they can carry, knowing the chances of even being caught are slim, and if they ARE caught, what then?


A night in jail?

A small fine that they can’t pay anyway because they’re claiming benefits?

They won’t see prison time for the vast majority of cases because our prisons are too full.  And they know this.

They won’t even have to worry about getting their head smashed in with a truncheon, because if our Police dare to actually hurt the poor underprivileged darlings, THEY will be the ones answering to the politicians and losing their jobs in disgrace.


Yeah – they’ll have even more chance of continuing their life on the dole, because they’ve burnt down even more of the businesses that couldn’t hire them in the first place, and now their cousin is also on the dole because they burnt down the JJB Sports store that employed them.


In the meantime, us – the REAL people – will be paying higher taxes to foot the bill as usual.

I’m scared.  They don’t give a shit – because it’s people like ME who will suffer any consequences from all this, and not them.

And don’t try and tell me this shit that these poor youths had nothing to do because they never had a Youth Club and Arts Centre, or a skateboard park to break them out of the rut.  THEY made their choices in life – just like I did without having any of those things myself.

Get a grip, people, and put the blame where it’s deserved for once, rather than the politically fucking correct option.


London And Birmingham Riots – YOU DON’T SCARE ME, SON!

London And Birmingham Riots – YOU DON’T SCARE ME, SON!

Well it was only a matter of time.

The Government has been fucking us all over for so long now, life as we knew it is dying or long dead, and at last the over-taxed masses have risen up to overthrow the Government and the namby-pamby do-good PC cunts.


Wait… what?!?

People are rioting because someone in London got shot???

You have GOT to be shitting me?!  Oh, I see – so the Police shot them, rather than another Londoner.

So at last people get off their asses, and then it turns out it’s just a bunch of dole-dossing ‘gangster’ scummy teens smashing shit up for the Hell of it?  What a waste…

At least Boris Johnson is returning from his holidays to be with us in the UK.  Hallelujah!  We’re saved!

From what I’ve seen on the news footage, all the Police are standing around in lines, sort-of… not doing anything.  And then occasionally they drop back a bit to let the rioters burn down a JJB Sports store.

And I saw a Greggs on fire!  Holy shit – thousands of toddlers will starve to death without their pasty as their Mummy and Daddy drag them down to collect their Job Seekers Allowance!


We’ve been turned into a nation of pussies.

The Police are all too terrified to try stopping the rioters in case they accidentally hurt them.  WTF?

Give the power back to the Police totally.  The only people on the streets at the moment are the scum who are rioting.  Let the Police shoot the fuckers and beat the shit out of the rest with absolutely no fear of having any charges brought against them afterwards.  Just for once.  If the filthy criminals don’t learn to respect them then they might actually start to fear them a little!

THAT will sort this shitstain of a country out.

It’s either that or we take off and nuke the whole place from orbit… It’s the only way to be sure…



I know some will say I’m a heartless bastard, and there ARE good reasons for the rioting… to them I’ll ask one simple question:

Just what exactly did Greggs the bakers do to any of the rioters to give them direct reason to smash, loot and torch the shop?  And all the other innocent victims?  Fuck your ‘reasons’.

We All Know You Aren’t The Police!!!

We All Know You Aren’t The Police!!!

The rest of the title should read: “So Stop Putting Your Fucking High-Viz Vest On The Parcel Shelf!”.

And here starts my rant…

I’m sure we’ve all seen it.  You’re driving down the motorway when suddenly brake lights come on in front of you, because there’s some Tit-Head sat in the middle lane at 60mph with a high visibility vest on full display on the rear parcel shelf.


“Ooh, look at me!  I’m a High-Viz Wanker!”

Yes, yes you are!  And well done for getting hold of a high-viz vest. 

So which exact type of High-Viz Cunt are you?  Builder?  Security Guard?  Lollypop -ing Lady???

You’re a twat!

I know WHY you do it – it’s because you think in your tiny little deluded and self-important mind that it makes you look like you’re a Police Officer, and so all the nasty drivers won’t overtake you or drive too closely to your shitty 1992 Rover Vitesse.

Well go shove your head up a dead badgers ass!

You know the only people who DON’T put their high-viz vest for all to see?

It’s the fucking Police!

Next time I see your idiotic ass with a high viz vest on display, I will ram you off the bastard road, set your car on fire, and piss on your burning eyeballs.

Stop being a big glowing retard and stop fucking doing it!!


Stalker, Stalker, Creepy Fawker

Stalker, Stalker, Creepy Fawker

stalker (stalkers plural )A stalker is someone who keeps following or contacting someone else, especially a famous person or a person they used to have a relationship with, in an annoying and frightening way.

I believe the figures used to show that one in every three women would be the victim of a stalker at some point in their life, to varying degrees.  Men getting stalked aren’t far behind, although for the most part we like to think of stalking as happening to poor defenceless women.

The word ‘stalker’ is thrown around far too much these days, but here I’m not talking about some creepy guy who comments on all your facebook pictures with suggestive comments, or someone sending random ‘meet me for a drink’ emails on MySpace.

The reality is that the real life stalker doesn’t look like some kind of filthy perve.  Hell, I’m betting that almost everyone here has had a quick stalk of an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.  Either taking a drive past their house to see if they’re in (or to see if a chain of filthy skanks is going in and out of their house day and night!!!), or at the very least you’ve had a good browse of their Facebook pictures since you broke up.

Whilst I can’t say this kind of behavious is exactly ‘normal’, it is understandable after you’ve been in a relationship with someone.

But what about if it’s with someone who you’ve never met?

When I was self employed in the private investigations field, there was a time when I was seriously looking at starting a firm with a partner specialising in anti-stalking.  At that time there were only 10 such firms in the world!  We also looked at several live cases for training purposes.

One of these cases involved a Nutter (male) who had made advances towards a happily married woman.  She had, of course, turned him down, joking that if she didn’t have a husband then he might have a chance with her.

Her husband then died in an unrelated accident, and Nutter was straight around to her house like some kind of stalky Rumpelstiltskin to collect on her ‘promise’.

She told him to go shove his head up a dead badgers ass (or words to that effect), at which point Nutter promptlywent and dug up her dead husband and placed his body on her doorstep to find the next morning.

That’s one of the more extreme examples, but I’m sure all of you know of someone who’s been harrassed.

The most common is an ex turning up at your house, watching your house, or popping up in places where you normally go like some kind of freaky jack-in-the-box.

Why do they do it?

A lot of people who get charges filed against them under the Threat Harrassment Act are otherwise normal people (for big pink talking monkeys, anyway).

The main reasons are jealousy and the inability to let go.  We all go a little crazy when change is thrust upon us, especially with a hefty dose of loss also thrown in there.

It’s the hardest thing in the world to lose someone (even if we never technically had them in teh first place, you Nutter), and the easiest thing to pick up that phone and call them 200 times a day, or just park up outside their place of work to see them as they leave…

But you can’t do that!

Let it go, you weird little badger-brained looney!

If you do find yourself as a victim of a stalker, the best advice I can give to you is to keep a record of EVERYTHING that happens – time, dates, places, witnesses… even the weather at that time!  Build up as much of a case as you can, because whilst most Police forces are absolutely crap at handling these cases, they CAN do something if you have enough to make it worth their while.

There are solicitors out there who can help with the civil litigation of setting up injunctions against people.

It’s either that, or two large mates, the back of a shovel and a bag of quicklime…

Give Policing To The Proleteriat

Give Policing To The Proleteriat

I came across this article the other day:

Local communities should be given more powers to “reclaim their streets” in the fight against anti-social behaviour, says Baroness Newlove.

The Baroness is the widow of Gary Newlove who was murdered by a gang outside his home in Warrington four years ago. She has spent six months looking at the problem in England and Wales, and has come up with a range of recommendations.

Her proposals include tax rebates for volunteers working to make their areas safer, and giving communities the power to set their own speed limits.


Right.  They’re cutting out Police forces to death, and this idiot is suggesting giving the power to the people?

Whilst I agree with the theory of it to some extent, the main people who will stand up and volunteer for this kind of stuff is NOT the type of person who should EVER be in any kind of position of power.

The bit about making your area safer I agree with.  Hell, I’m all for vigilantes taking out the real criminals!  Chop the hands of car and bike thieves and burglers!  It’s not opportunist crime and they cause a lot of suffering.  Except the law has already proven to be on their side, and if we even wave a knife at them they’ll screw US over in court for their suffering, so what the fk are we supposed to do ‘as a society’?

The Baroness completely lost me talking about communities setting their own speed limits.

If you want a perfect illustration of the term ‘Jobsworth’, simple take a look at anyone who’s a civilian and been given a day-glo vest and a speed camera.  They’ve got all the self-importance and ideas above their station of a security guard.  And they all think they’re top level Special Forces Police!

Now add in their need to be the best, and you just KNOW that the reports filed against motorists will be embellished or just plain made up because they don’t like that person or they want to have the best figures in their Neighbourhood Special Speed Polizei gang.

Most of the fair and decent people won’t be arsed to participate in this stuff because they already have a life!

Assuming they were all fair and proper, do we REALLY want everyone driving around everywhere with their eyes glued to their speedometer rather than the road, because every half a mile the speed limit changes to some random figure set by locals?

Think about it…


Doing A Suicidal 129mph!

Doing A Suicidal 129mph!

That’s the actual line I heard in an episode of ‘Police, Camera, Action’ the other night, as they filmed Police following a driver on a UK three lane motorway: “Doing a SUICIDAL 129mph!!!”

As if 130 would have made him instantly drop dead from speed?!

Because we all know that speed kills…

Never mind lack of skill, inattention or a poorly maintained vehicle.  Nope – these are all perfectly safe as long as you NEVER go above the speed limits that were set for the vehicles of 46 years ago

Don’t get me wrong here – we need some limits and I’m all in favour of 30mph zones and respect them totally.  They’re almost always there for a reason (schools, dangerous roads, old biddies crossing etc).  40mph zones are a bit more dodgy as they seem to have changed a lot of previously 60mph roads to 40mph limits for no known reason… But 70mph on a modern three lane motorway is ludicrous!


Let me just put that into perspective for you.  Here is an ‘average’ car for 1965:

1965 Triumph 2000
This kicked out a mighty 89 bhp

And here is 2010’s ‘average’ car:

2010 Ford Focus
This wheezes out a measly 140 bhp

The braking road holding abilities of cars has come just as far, too – and that’s without any electric aids such as stability control.

And we shouldn’t forget how much road building technology has advanced, and the signage on the roads…

I think most cars in 1965 struggled to even reach 70mph!  Now most will cruise at 100 without too much stress…

If you actually DO 70mph on a motorway these days, you’ll find just about everything will come streaming past you.  85 is the new 70, baby!  And to be fair that probably is a nice sensible new speed.  There are people who still do 50mph on motorways, so you can bet they’ll still be doing that speed even if limits are raised, and for the rest of us it makes life a lot easier…

Or how about going even further and introducing an advanced license to let people do faster speeds – only on motorways.  100mph?  Unlimited?  You’d have to prove you could pay attention and display forward planning, and if you did cause an accidents penalties should be severe…

And put motorway driving in the driving test – focusing on making sure people stay in the -ing left hand lane unless they’re overtaking!

You know – just common sense?

It’ll never catch on…