Biker Vs The World Part 24

If you’ve been following me on YouTube you’ll know all about my infamous ‘Biker Vs The World’ videos.

These are a compilation of ‘incidents’ from my helmet cam footage onboard my bikes.

Whilst the clips everyone wants to see are those where I almost get killed by idiot car drivers, or where I get involved in road rage, I do try to inject a bit of humour and even ‘feels’ into them – you’ll see the trucker at the end of this one!

The first clip in Part 24 is a recent one from a terrible rainy morning. A Mini had sped past me and I was loosely following. He went through a crossroads where a car was waiting, and as I approached I was in direct line of sight to the – let’s call him a Cunt, because he is – Cunt, he waited until I got even closer and then went directly across the road in front of me.

I had to slam on my brakes, and the ONLY reason I didn’t crash right there was because that piece of road is covered in Shell Grip. I was looking for a place to turn around to go and batter the absolute fuck of that Cunt (and I don’t actually know if it was a man or woman driving, because I couldn’t see – I just get the feeling this was a male), but there wasn’t a handy turning place.

There was no excuse.

Incidentally, I almost burst a blood vessel in my neck or something when I shouted. That hurt.

Enjoy:

 

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Eff Yoo, Friday 13th

Eff Yoo, Friday 13th

I’m not superstitious.

So when the radio this morning advised that statistically there are more car accidents on Friday 13th than any other day, I pretty much ignored it.

Riding into Birmingham I’d done 90% of the journey when I thought “I’ve done this without any kind of incident!” – before a car pulled straight out in front of me at the very next roundabout!

I had both cameras running, so figured at least I’d have some interesting footage from it…

Except when I arrived at work I found the helmet camera had switched itself off having filled the memory card around 10 mins before Death tried to put me over his side.  The Veho on the bike would still have a great angle on it, though!

But the other camera only gave me a corrupt file that I can’t view!  Argh!

Later, I did some minor servicing work on the bike with the petrol tank off.  Everything went smoothly, and I had it all back together quickly, grabbed a sammich from a local shop, and headed back home from the garage.

I’d got a mile or so before the bike started feeling a bit strange.  I checked the reserve switch, but the engine cut out.

Figuring I’d had the fuel switched off, I gave it full choke and the engine started again.  Dropping the choke back to idle it cut out and died again.  Full choke and it started again, and then even cut out on choke, and this time wouldn’t start at all.

I sat on a handy bench to chomp my sammich thoughtfully, trying to work out what I could have cocked up – or more likely, as with every job I’ve ever done on this bike, what major, crippling destruction had randomly befallen the GPZ500 this time after I’d done a simple job on it.

I was getting full spark and could hear the fuel pump, but didn’t have any spanner to get the tank off, so had the lovely prospect ahead of me that I’d have to push the bike back a few miles to the garage…

And this is the hottest day of the year so far (hotter than in Brazil, don’tcherknow)!  And of course I’m in full protective kit as always, with the added bonus of a pair of denim jeans under my leathers because I’d been at work!

Luckily, I hadn’t got far before a biker pulled over to see if he could help.  I asked if I could jump on the back and he could take me to the garage to grab some tools to get my tank off again, which he happily did – you have to love the biking commuinity!

He was on some Suzuki big cruiser-type bike – it’s actually my first ever ride on a cruiser in my 14 years of biking, albeit only as a pillion passenger.

After grabbing tools and getting back to my GPZ, I thanked Cruiser Rider for saving my life, and got to spannering.

It was actually an easy fix – trapped fuel line where I’d mover the position of the main wiring loom – so I sorted it all out quickly and went home for a shower!

So I’m not actually dead or anything, but it hasn’t been the best Friday 13th, either.  Maybe there is something in it, after all?

Public Lemmings

Public Lemmings

http://aimlesslastwords.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/bike-racer-run-over.jpg

[RANT ON]

Surely, the first thing you were taught after being told you could let go of your Mummies hand when you were outside, is that you should look before you cross the road?

After that, if you had non-Jeremy Kyle level parents, they should have even suggested that if there’s a pedestrian crossing within a few feet, then you should use that to cross in safety.

So why, in the name of Holy mouse-eared fuckability, do so many of you braindead cunts run blindly out through the traffic at every opportunity?

I’ve just started commuting into Birmingham city centre, and was expecting to be knocked off and squished by idiot car drivers who were drinking coffee, texting, and shaving their bawbag on their way to and from work… but NO!

The things trying to kill me are big two-legged twats loping off the curb like something out of a fucking 1980s video game!

https://i1.wp.com/theappera.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/paperboy-1.jpg

I’ve ranted on before about Bromsgrove.  There’s a section of road where there are TWO pedestrian crossings within about 30 yards of each other – and what happens?

Lummox-like cabbage-fucks do that ‘just-crossing-the-road-don’t-mind-me-mister’ stupid jog causing everyone to slam their brakes on.

My mate actually hit some stupid bint here as he was filtering on his bike.  Good!  Apparently her shopping bags went up in the air, comedy-style.  And my mate and his bike were totally undamaged.

I had another one only this morning.

I saw her and slowed, she saw me and carried on without a second glance – making me slam the anchors on and screech at her in a voice so high only dogs could hear.

And I bet the dopey-faced fucktard blames ME for the fact she went pottering off accross a damned road!

What’s wrong with you people???

Your parents can’t have dropped you ALL on your heads when you were little, surely?!?

[RANT OFF]