An Ode To MySpace

An Ode To MySpace

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MySpace is actually still going. It’s limping along like a 3-legged dog who thinks it’s a sleek black panther – but of course to all of us bloggers it died many years ago.

At it’s peak it was truly awesome. Almost everyone there used an alias, and so it was a natural thing to spill your secrets and confessions on there – and could be very theraputic because of that, too!

When it was all dying, and we all gave up the fight to stay away from Facebook, the will to stay in contact with those we’d shared our MySpace life with meant breaking down all those walls and letting the few trusted ones see who we really were on there.

In Real Life.

Of course, many of us had already met each other by that time – but even then it was weird to suddenly be able to see their friends, family, and their bizarre/mundane lives away from their MySpace masks!

I used my Nasty Evil Ninja account to post stuff that was really close to the bone – rants mixed with real life drama, and I didn’t hold much back at all! It’s no secret that a lot of my Sex Blog Thursday posts (remember THAT?!?) were about or featured real life people!

Don’t ask which ones were real – I’m still not going to tell you that!

Often on Facebook the talk drifts back to how it used to be on MySpace, and so I thought I’d like to share a few of the outstanding memories with you.

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Friends

Before they were called ‘friends’. Were they ‘contacts’ or something? I remember being in someone’s Top 8 list meant something special!

I made a lot of friends from other bloggers, or people who read and commented on my blog, and a good few of them are still in contact today!

Some I’ve met in person either at the time or after MySpace died, and there are still some I’m yet to meet.

The awesome thing here was the overseas people – not just from the US and Canada but from Croatia and Holland and St Thomas and Australia… And many from the UK who I’m sure I’d have never met through any other medium!

A few of those have had drama, and some seem to have fallen off, but for the most part those I’m still in contact with have flourished since those days, and it’s great to see!

Drama

It’s what we were there for! Some people got hit hard by life, and I’m sure MySpace helped them through it. The funny thing is that it was quite rare people would be nasty to you on there – unless you got some fued going with them (or you’re a female who doesn’t swoon over cock pics).

I had a rocky stage in my life on there. All got documented from relationships breaking up, to falling in love…

At one point I lost my business, split up with someone big-time (The Police got involved and called me in to try and shut my blogs down!), and someone stole the one thing I had left – my bike – and I was in a pretty bad place.

Miraculously, someone who commented on my blogs offered to lend me enough cash to buy and insure a new bike to get myself back on my feet. I didn’t think she was in any position to do this as a single mother, and she’d never met me before in person, and didn’t even know where I lived. The first time we ever met was when she handed me a wad of cash with nothing but a promise that I’d pay her back as soon as I could. No strings attached – no more expectations, nothing. I’m still not sure if she just took a risk or was an excellent judge of character (and yes, I did pay her back!). She knows who she is and I’m eternally grateful!

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Fame

Some of the other top bloggers made it! They now get paid to blog and stuff, and that’s brilliant! I think Perez Hilton started out blogging on MySpace? Not that he was in my Top 8, but he’s probably the leading example of where some of us went. Some of the more arty types are now selling their work, and that’s great to see!

Me? Well, after millions of views on MySpace I switched to this blog to try and keep things going – but that’s never really taken off. Nobody is exactly beating off… err, I mean, beating MY DOOR DOWN for my erotic writing, or inane ramblings. And that’s ok.

I did make the switch to YouTube where I currently have approaching 3 million views of my bike videos, and you may have noticed I have a little car racing hobby that’s made me fairly well-known in some circles. The ‘fortune’ certainly hasn’t come, yet, though!

Hilarious stuff

Remember Farmer Vincent’s Fritters? Or Abe and his ongoing wilderness battles with Nagatha? There were more I’d love reading just to make me laugh. Some of those guys were just amazing, and I’ve got no idea what happened to them! Apart form Abe – he’s still around the place!

You’ll notice I haven’t used many of the MySpace names in this blog – and the main reason for that is I can’t remember what all of them were! There are also a few who want to be distanced from all that. Some I now know only by their real name and can’t even remember what they called themselves on MySpace!

Actually, screw it – let’s have a crack at the names I can remember. I’m sure I’ll miss some really obvious ones who are right in front of me on Facebook:

Slinky, Foxxxy, Solaris, Wolfshades, Albino Cockroach, Zanna, Bruce, Abi, Manda, Helen, Buddha Mama, Boo Boo Kitty-fuck, Loree, Sweets, Darren Dragon, Salacious Bee, Tamar (Diary of something?), Emz, Helly, Sassy Little Secret, Saz, Julian (Mr.. ??). The Girl, Debz, Soo, Isabel, Bea, Abe, Tits McGee, A Giraffe, Tom, unnngh there are so many profile pics I can see in my mind but can’t remember their screen name!

Feel free to post up any more names you remember, miss, I’ve missed, or your MySpace memories! And if you were there put your name and feel free to add me if we’ve lost touch for the last 10 years!

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A Deluge Of Smut

A Deluge Of Smut

Some of you will be aware of a few ‘erotic’ short stories I wrote a few years ago.

I actually wrote quite a few more of these than you will find on this blog… They were originally on MySpace, and posted each and every week for a day we themed ‘Sex Blog Thursday’.

Everyone else was writing the usual ‘erotic’ crap involving leather masks, spanking, whips, and anal sex with a dead yak.

I got noticed (my rise to MySpace fame!!!) through the masses because I was writing stories about real (vanilla?!) sex – without this kinky crap that seems essential to every other damned ‘erotic’ writer!  And, I guess, being a male doing this stuff was a bit different, too.

The truth is, I knocked one out (the STORIES, you perves!) in under 30 mins in most cases, without any editing or even reading them back.  It worked, loads of you people out there loved them, and life was rosier than a tinted condom.

Looking back at them now is Cringe City.

I’m actually a bit scared to repost them, despite lots of requests, because, well… I was anonymous on MySpace, and my Mom can see this blog linked to me on Facebook now.  And work people.  And real live people who may or may not have featured in some stories.  Umm… yes…

So, in the true spirit of ‘fuck it’, I’m going not look too closely at them, paste them as they are from the old archives, and post most of them again.

I think.

So, err, apologies in advance if you know me in real life, and normal service will resume once the deluge of smut has spooted all over my blog like a pot-bellied Asian guy in glasses at a Bukakke festival.

Enjoy!

“And then gently holding her thong to the side, he slid inside her…”

I used to be one of the main instigators for ‘Sex Blog Thursday’ on MySpace – where everyone would contribute by posting an erotic story or poem.  It’s quite shocking to think that it all ended 5 years ago, now!  Since then, I’ve been threatening to re-post some of the erotic short stories I wrote for this, but with most of my alias being now known through Facebook and stuff, I was too scared.

With the suddent spurting all over the scene by E L James and the ’50 Shades of Grey’ books, erotic fiction has now gone mainstream!  So, much as I tried to do with SBT, I’m going to post some of my erotica again to balance things out, and hopefully show that to be ‘erotic’ doesn’t mean you have to include bondage, spanking, and showing dolls up your arse to write something sexy.  You might even find some humour in my stories, too!  And so why not plunge in slow and deep with this one:

“And then gently holding her thong to the side, he slid inside her…”

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Yeah, they were bad – but as his finger stroked her own juices over her clit for the first time, neither of them cared.

With her parents in the room above them, only her gentle sigh broke the silence of the house, and she twisted next to him on the couch so that he could move his hands easier beneath her skirt.

He kissed her hard, one arm around her back as his other hand worked deep beneath her black lacy underwear.  The curve of her hips always seemed designed for his hands, and he pulled her tighter towards him.

Breaking off the kiss with another gasp, her hair fell forward over her face as her hands scrabbled at his trousers.

He took the moment to deeply inhale the clean smell of her hair, her perfume topping it off as she released him to the cool air in the room.

She pushed him back firmly as her hot lips slid over him, tongue flicking at him, only taking him in her mouth for a few strokes before he sat back on the couch herself.

He smiled, slipping off the couch to his knees, a hand on each of her spread thighs running up to move her skirt higher, then pulling her hips sharply towards his own as he shuffled closer between her legs.

She hooked a finger around the delicate material of her thong, and pulled it to one side, watching his face as he followed her fingers.

No further invitation was needed, but the hushed “I want your cock” sent tingles down his spine just as much as the feeling of his tip against her warm wetness.

He slid slowly and deliberately all the way inside her, watching himself sink into her, and only looking up to see her head thrown back in ecstasy when he could push in no further.

He held himself there, and then lifted her hips off the couch, pulling her even more onto him, watching her face intently.  He lowered her as he slowly slid all the way out of her, her eyes flicking open to meet his for a fleeting second before he thrust quickly and deeply into her, lifting her with his hands again.

This time she cried out, biting the knuckles of one hand to stifle the cry, and grabbing at his arms.

Leaning forwards over her as he fucked her rhythmically, his hands moved to her breasts, and hers clawed at the back of his shirt.

She pushed him away from her, and turned herself so she was on all fours bent over the couch.

He pulled her thong to the side once again, before grabbing her hips hard and plunging into her again, slowing as the couch creaked, then speeding up again, unable to stop themselves as she pushed back hard against him with each thrust.

Both sweating now, she turned back around, arms around his neck as they kissed and moved with each other.

She buried her face against his shoulder to stop herself from crying out, feeling his body starting to tense up, and that’s when the bedroom door above them opened!

They both stopped dead, listening to the footsteps to see if they were headed down the stairs, and she clenched tightly around him, hoping to stop him from cumming.

He let out a throaty yelp as his orgasm came, the feel of her around him pushing him over the edge rather than holding him back, and her arms wrapped around him almost painfully as his spasms took her into her own release.

For long moments they stayed like that together, thankfully hearing the footsteps moving to the bathroom upstairs.

“I didn’t want you to cum!”  She whispered. “I thought that would stop you!”

He groaned and kissed her.

“No chance when you feel that good…”

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Utterly Shit New Facebook Feed – Go And Die

Utterly Shit New Facebook Feed – Go And Die

All day I saw people whinging about yet more new and unoptoutable (is that a word?) changes that Facebook were making.  I couldn’t see much difference apart from some of my groups in the list were missing.  Or MORE, I should say, as the rest disappeared a while back during other changes…

Getting back tonight and sitting down with a nice monkfish tail and noodles, I called up Facebook and… It’s here!

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What, in the blue-arsed spasticated baboons arse of a CUNT have they gone and done now?!?

For fucks sake!

I’m greeted with ‘Top Stories’.  Thanks, but no thanks.  Good idea, but useless to me.  How do I change it back?  I can’t??

Ok, so I go down the list of posts on my news feed, and click the options tag to the right of their post, to find that by default, I’m only going to see ‘most’ of that friends posts on Facebook.  I have to go through the 300-odd (some very odd) friends on their individually to change this so I can see ALL their posts like before??  FUCK YOU.  FUCK YOU RIGHT UNDER THE FINGERNAILS WITH THE EDGE OF A CORRUGATED PIZZA BOX, YOU UTTER CUNTS!!!!

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Surely the default setting should be to see ALL posts, and in time order from the most recent??  That’s the whole fucking point of Facebook??

I’m only on there to keep in touch with friends, and more importantly to be ENTERTAINED by what they say!  I like to think some on there will be ENTERTAINED by what I post, too!

But are they even seeing it now?  Am I seeing them?

Have they sold Facebook to MySpace?  Because I loved that place until they utterly fucked it up to the point where I scrapped my 1 million view blog to start again from scratch on a site that wasn’t shit!

Facebook has done even worse, because where MySpace simply ignored anything to do with blogs, FaceFuck has directly fucked up the entire point of being there.

Bravo!

*applauds sarcastically*

And you film was shit, too.

Cunts.

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Erotic Writing – A Warning And A Whinge!

Erotic Writing – A Warning And A Whinge!

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I first started blogging back in the MySpace days of glory under this name because it wasn’t the name anybody knew.  This was partly to see if some of my writing and rants could make the charts even without my regular readers… but mainly so I could write the stuff that I couldn’t get away with anywhere else.  Like relationship problems and some of my more, ahem, controversial writing.

With the move to WordPress and the advent of Facebook, that kind-of knocked it all on the head.  If you’re on my Facebook, then the chances are you’ll have at least seen my blogs.  This is A Bad Thing, when you consider Facebook people are Real people I might have to see on a daily basis.

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That said, since MySpace went shit and died like a palsied ferret after falling down a well, I have been reposting some of my old blogs on WordPress.  Both because I’ve had requests, and because I think they need to go on here, they’re going to be here eventually.

So, yeah… If you know me personally and are reading this, I’m afraid that I WILL be reposting the old ‘Sex Blog Thursday’ pieces on here when I fu- sorry, PLUCK the courage up.  If you don’t like it – don’t read it.

And another thing about all this ‘erotic’ writing!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but ‘erotic’ does not mean ‘kinky, perverted shit’!  Or does it???

It seems to me that the majority of ‘erotic’ pieces have to involve whips and chains and biting and stuff!  what’s it all about?

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To me, proper erotica is more about the subtler descriptions of sex.  Basically a toned-down version of the stories you get in porn mags – better written, and conveying some kind of feelings between the subjects.

OK, so that could include bondage and all that, but it’s not ‘normal’ sex, is it?

I’ve never been tied up or tied anyone up for sex.

There’s been no spanking during my sex play (err, apart from a few times taking the piss).

No riding crops and nipple clamps have ever been produced by my lovers – nor has blood been drawn.  Not that I’ve ever been pleased about, anyway!

I haven’t been called ‘Daddy’, or dripped hot wax over anyone’s nether regions!

I’m British, don’tcherknow!!!

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Yet almost all ‘erotic’ stuff on MySpaz or anywhere seems to involve some serious kinky shit.

Now sex outside and all that could be seen as ‘kinky’ by some.  What I class as ‘kinky’ is anything that you would be reserved about asking a new partner to do/be a part of before you’ve subtly sounded them out.  Let’s face it – if you whip out a pony-tail buttplug, your new partner could well run screaming/laughing from the bedroom.

Maybe it’s because a lot of erotica is fantasy, and this kind of kinky shit is actually every womans fantasy, deep down?  Most writers in this field are women, anyway.

Or is it just that the less kinky women never bother to write erotica?

Is the ‘normal’ erotica a bit, well, boring?

What’s kinky to you – and has anyone ever tried to take something too far and it’s made you laugh/scream/run away?

Am I just all innocent and inexperienced?

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Putting ‘BIKER’ On The Census As Your Religion

Putting ‘BIKER’ On The Census As Your Religion

It’s coming around again soon – the Gubbinment will be sending you a load of questions at great expense to the taxpayers so that… umm… they know more stuff about us?

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Whatever.

The important thing this time around is that when they ask me what religion I am, I am going to say it loud and proud that I am A Biker.

The road is my God, and the pathway there, too.

When I ride my bike it is a spiritual experience.  It’s a comfort to me when I feel lost or down.

Riding ‘in the zone’ is like a form of meditation.  It’s Zanshin – total awareness – as I try to see my surroundings before they happen, listening to every roar and click from my bike and trying my best to make sure as I execute my religion that nobody else is adversely affected by it.

We even have Priests – the mechanics who will fix up our trusty steeds and get us back on track.

A lot of us even just ride on Sundays!  And we have those living Gods amongst us:

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And think of the benefits or getting our religion recognised!

Would a petrol station be allowed to force us to remove our helmet if it’s religious clothing?

Could they continue forcing us to pay such high tax on petrol – essentially taxing our religion?

It is my form of worship.  Being a Biker means I enjoy life, and get more out of it because of my choices.

We’re family out there – nodding a greeting as we pass total strangers simply because they’re on a bike.  Sure, there are different faction within the Biking religion – the Sportbikers have some hostility towards Harley Davidson riders, and everyone dislikes Scooter riders.  Motard riders are just thugs.  We’re not going to go to war over it, though, and many of us treat everyone under the Biker banner equally, as it’s something that unifies us all.

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If you ride a bike, I bet you’ve put more effort into that than you have the made-up-deity, war-causing, only-when-it-suits-you religion that someone decided they’d choose for you before you were out of nappies!

It’s got to be done!

It is the time to show the World what we REALLY believe in!

Just put that single word as your religion: Biker.

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***EDIT***: There is now a Facebook group for this, so get theeself joined and spread the word: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?sk=group_169227299791835