The Rush

The Rush

Anyone who knows me will say that I’m a pretty laid-back person.  Some would say I’m so laid-back you can actually see the soles of my shoes as I’m walking.

In direct contrast to this, my interests (and some of my jobs!) have always involved extreme levels of intensity.

For the most part, I get involved in an activity and it totally consumes me.  I don’t mind not being the best at what I do – but I will put every part of my soul into finding out just how well I can do something!  Then, I’ll move onto the next thing…

Even from when I was an early teen, I found that I got a very intense rush from writing poems and stories.  The experience was almost like being sick – scribbling out the words all at once and then sitting back feeling relief.  Calm.

The band came next.  Playing the bass or taking on vocal duties for a band is pretty extreme – but the buzz you get from stepping onto a stage in front of people can completely overwhelm some people.  I found I thrived on it!

And not just folk music, of course – my choice was thrash, death metal, grindcore – anything fast and loud!

I never had a massive interest in sports at school until I got to do things my way.

None of the pansy-assed school soccer or rugby – I got out there and joined a full kit US Football team, and let my psychosis carry me through!

People say US Football is all stop-starty – but I bet they’ve never played it.  In the time the ball isn’t actually moving, before that whistle blows, the anticipation is immense.

You’re about to smash your way through people who will try to seriously injure you – and everyone is wearing bloody armour so they can hit each other even harder!  If you think THAT is ‘a bit boring’ then you’re a -ing idiot!

Next came the clubbing days.  Not seals – the music type.  Hard as bastardy techno and trance… Dancing like a loon through the night to it…

Each thing seeemd to be getting more extreme – more intense.

Then I bought a motorbike – not for a rush, but just to get me to work.

If only I would have known years before… I still say my bike is the best thing I’ve ever bought in my life.

I guess looking back it’s no surprise I’d get into sportsbikes, where I can experience 1000hp per tonne blasting me to 60mph in under 3 seconds, and stupid lean angles as I scrape my knees on the tarmac at over 100mph!

Not many would have pegged me for getting a cruiser motorcycle and plodding around on it just for the image!  Give me the foetal position at 190mph any day!

Most of these previous things apart from bikes have fallen by the wayside now.  I do still demonstrate martial arts in almost every aspect of my life (and a lot of those activities above!), but I think even that peaked a few years back when I was sparring with friends for hours every single night preparing for a no holds barred tournament.  Now I still learn new techniques, but hardly do any proper training – so you can bet I’m weak and slow compared to how I was.

The bike thing is still going strong, and earlier this week I had this arrive on my doorstep:

MSA ARDS National B Racing License

That’s my car racing license!

For the last few months I’ve been totally immersing myself in the Skip Barber race manual learning ungodly amounts of stuff about race car physics and techniques, so the intensity for driving racing cars has already hit me.

Just wait until I slide myself into that single seater for the first time, and we’ll see what kind of rush I get from this one.

The way I see it – if you’re not constantly chasing that rush, you’re doing it wrong!

 

Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the holiday season’ or ‘festive period’ or whatever you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop. It.

This year, I’ve managed to do almost all my CHRISTMAS shopping online. I’m sure most others will be able to say the same.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there! All the Christmas Numpties have caught on to those self-scan thingies at supermarkets, too. Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area. Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July? I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt. Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas. And let me just tell you something:

THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED FOR ABOUT TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!

You’re not going to starve to death! Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And is it just me, or is every cripple or anyone on wheels in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year? Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd seems to be blocking everyones way. And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same 40 songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – at Christmas mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.

TalkTalk Rant

TalkTalk Rant

For those of you who aren’t familiar, TalkTalk are a broadband and home phone provider, and the ‘Rainbow Song’ that I keep referring to is this:

Again and again and again and again.  Just imagine how many times that song on a loop fits into 4 hours?  So here is the letter I’m sending in to them to resolve some issues:
– – – – – –
Dear TalkTalk,

Whilst generally I would say I am happy with the service I’ve received, having thought about it for a while, I am now wondering why.

For well over a year the connection has just become ‘expected’ to drop out on average two times per hour.  For the last few months, between the hours of 17:00 and 23:00 this can be expected to be ten times per hour… twenty times… sometimes much more.  I’m not entirely sure how this ever became acceptable?

Still, for the privilege of this service, it appears that the price plan which I am on hasn’t even existed for at least the last seven months.  It hasn’t existed because it has been replaced by one costing half the price.

Apparently, this isn’t worth actually mentioning to me, despite the initial contract I was tied to being over well before this.

On the number of times I’ve had to call your technical support because of total failures in internet connection, your staff have managed to remedy the problems and get me back connected to the dodgy service – obviously only for between 2 and 30 minutes at a time as usual.

Even better, during these phonecalls whilst waiting for several hours to speak to support, I’ve had the extreme ‘joy’ of discovering that TalkTalk has one, and only one song that they own the rights to.

Yes, this means I have spent approximately four hours of my life to date listening to some weak, soulless hippie singing that f**king ‘Rainbow’ song.

Over and over and over and over again.  The SAME b*stard song.

Whilst this may be just dandy from your point of view, to any customer actually having to sit through it, I can assure you that it is an experience which quickly induces a state of psychosis and depression during which I have often considered eating my own face to get it to stop.  The cat has recieved numerous murderous glances just for making a sound or being within my red-misted field of view as the phone speaker cracks as I’m again informed “There’ll be a rainbow” as the c*ck-nosed singer reaches the crescendo of the chorus.  Again.

Personally, I hated the song anyway, but I should imagine that ANYONE calling the TalkTalk technical support line, even the biggest fan of the Rainbow song in the world, would at the very least hate it with a passion afterwards.

Anyway, enough about the dreadful music.

What I propose is I leave TalkTalk and go to a broadband provider who can afford more than one song.  Actually, considering how much I have been overcharged as a long-term customer, it’s quite amazing that you don’t have the funding to spend on an 80s mix tape or something instead?

Alternatively, I propose that my price plan is changed to reflect every other TalkTalk customer (i.e. dropped to the regular lower price), and the additional months where I overpayed be credited to my account.

Also I would like an engineer to come out to check the TalkTalk line and equipment, and think it would be rather nice to have them swap my ‘g’ router for the far more functional ‘n’ type like all the top broadband providers supply.

Yours sincerely,

Nasty Evil Ninja

The Rant Before Christmas

The Rant Before Christmas

We’re nearly there!  Little Johnny is almost being sick with excitement, the dog/cat is already saving up his innards ready to crap in your Aunts shoes during the Christmas meal, and general madness has taken the nation!

I still blame the Christmas music, of course.  I have songs that I absolutely fucking LOVE that I haven’t heard as many times as some of those bastard songs.

I’m actually sat writing this at work and sniggering because the CD player is skipping like Dale Winton on amphetamines.  It’s just a matter of time until someone turns it off… or I put my earplug back in and put my own Christmas music back on.

What’s that?

At The Gates.  Specifically, it’s the album ‘Slaughter Of The Soul’.  Now THAT sounds Christmassy to me!  Either that or ‘The Principles Of Evil Made Flesh’ by Cradle Of Filth’.  Or the first two albums by Ultraviolence (‘Life Of Destructor’ and ‘Psychodrama’).

I suspect this is because I got these albums for Christmas, but also because they DO sound like Winter.  Cold.  Precise.  Brutal.

And GENUINE.  Unlike the shit we get force-fed as ‘festive’ – the same songs that are almost as if they’re trying to convince themselves that we’re “simply having a wonderful Christmas time”, and all that Jive Bunny shit.

It is depressing to me.

I’ve heard people talk about going to the supermarket at 7am today to find it filled with people doing their shopping ready for the big day.

That’s ‘day’.  Singular.  As in, the shops are closed for TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but for the rest of the year most people cope with only shopping once a week?!  So why, all of a sudden, does everyone go all Frothy-Mouthed Gaa-Gaa because we can’t go shopping on just that one day??

If the shops were open on Christmas Day – would anyone actually GO there?  Chill the fuck out, have another glass of sherry, and get some turkey down you FFS!

I hope you all have a great time, and I hope weird shit happens to me so I can blog about it all.

Chances are it will be a tale of being forced to watch childrens TV and Emo Eastenders – but I’ll be clinging onto that sherry haze for dear life!

Merry -ing Christmas!

Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the holiday season’ or ‘festive period’ or whatever you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop. It.

This year, I’ve managed to do almost all my CHRISTMAS shopping online. I’m sure most others will be able to say the same.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there! All the Christmas Numpties have caught on to those self-scan thingies at supermarkets, too. Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area. Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July? I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt. Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas. And let me just tell you something:

THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED FOR ABOUT TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!

You’re not going to starve to death! Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And is it just me, or is every cripple or anyone on wheels in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year? Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd seems to be blocking everyones way. And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same 40 songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – at Christmas mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.

Celebrity Beauty

Celebrity Beauty

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened this page on MSN this morning.  It’s yet more proof to me that the media controls how we think, feel and even how we see:

Beyonce has best body, say women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Singer Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women, but males prefer Hollywood actress Megan Fox, a new survey has found.
The singer topped the poll among females with 24% of the vote, but one in five men stated Transformers star Fox boasted the sexiest body and named her as the woman they would most like to sleep with if their partner gave them a celebrity pass.


All I really know about Megan Fox is that she’s thicker than your average Collie dog.  She probably chases balls and runs into sharp sticks in the park.  OK, so this is about the body – and yeah I’d knock the Granny out of it.

But Boyonce???

Legs like -ing tree trunks and an ass like Station from Bill & Teds Bogus Journey fame!

I find it quite interesting that Men voted for Megan and Women voted for Boyonce.  Doesn’t that just show how fkd up in the head women are?  Women have an idea of what men find beautiful that is fashioned by OTHER WOMEN instead of men!

The poll of 2,000 people also revealed newlywed Katie Price was losing favour with the public with a third of men and women unanimously naming her as the least attractive celebrity.

Oh, so the Queen of Slappers is less attractive?  Was she EVER attractive?

Slim figured Victoria Beckham did not fair well among those questioned being voted the celebrity with the worst figure by both sexes.

Posh Spice = Wig-on-a-stick.  That can be a good thing – in her case it’d be splinters.

The attractiveness study, conducted by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment to mark the DVD and Blu-ray release of Jennifer’s Body starring Fox, found that as well as being women’s overall body choice, Beyonce boasted the sexiest individual assets.
Approximately 34% of men and women surveyed named her as the celebrity with the best bottom, while a quarter of respondents said she had the best legs.


WTF?!?  Refer to my comments above!!!!

Beyonce’s bosom also topped among women, with 23% saying she had the best celebrity cleavage.
Hollywood siren Angelina Jolie and Fox shared first place among male voters in this category, both attracting 19%.


OK, so breasts aren’t my area of expertise.  As most of you will know, I prefer smaller breasts, but without checking I’d say if I had to choose from these Fox would have it…

The pair also split the vote for the title of best celebrity eyes, with Jolie just beating Fox by 19% to 18%.

Celebrity eyes?  Hang on – was this a poll consisting of about 5 people and made for retards who can only keep up with this weeks fad ‘celebrity’?

British actress Keira Knightley took the crown for the prettiest face with 18% of both men and women putting her top of the list, while Jennifer Aniston secured 17% of the votes.

Prettiest face?  HOW?

https://www.dlbensinger.com/images/products/SHOVEL%20MB_GPW.jpg


She looks like a shovel.  Actually she has the body to match, too!  A big bloody shovel stood on it’s handle!

I’m assuming she’s just still getting the Emo/Pirate votes…