Cut Price Bargain Bullshit

Cut Price Bargain Bullshit


Have you ever looked at the cut price foods in a supermarket?  They’re almost out of date and ready for the bin that evening if nobody claims them

An absolute bargain, and you’ll see hordes of Lummoxes sifting through them at any time of the day or night.

One day you may even be lucky/desperate enough to get to the front of the pack for a look yourself.  And what do you see?

Fuck all is what!

You find some sliced ham in a packet that looks like it’s been raped by a Corgi on amphetamines, with childrens fingerprints on the meat, a cornflake that’s somehow got inside the packaging, and the first of a new strain of penicilin starting to grow in one corner, and what’s the massive price slash?

From £3.00 for a brand new non-poisonous pack of ham, down to £2.29.


Yes – 71 whole pennies off for something that will either kill a Lummox or go in the bin.

And it’s not just the shops who seem to have stopped trying to give people genuine bargains!

People often post on our work email system selling their old goods.

Books for £3 each – when any charity shop or Ebay will have them at under £1…

Two tickets for Take That live in Scandanavia TONIGHT!!!  Cost £40 each – will sell for £75 for both!!!

One gold ring, made of clay and broken in 47 places – £58!

Want to book a last minute hotel room?  Was £80… now, at 11pm they’ll practically gift you the otherwise empty room for £70!!!

Fuck off you tight twats!!!

Where have all the bargains gone?  Would people rather just lose out completley rather than make something back?


Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off.  It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the Holiday Season’, ‘the Festive Period’ or whatever else you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop.  It.

This year, most of us sensible ones will have managed to do almost all our CHRISTMAS shopping online.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there!  I mostly use one of those self-scan thingies at the local supermarket to dodge the queues, but now all the Christmas Numpties have caught on to it, too.  Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area.  Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July?  I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt.  Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas.  And let me just tell you something:


You’re not going to starve to death!  Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And what’s with all the wheelchairs and stuff?

Is it just me, or is every cripple in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year?

It’s no wonder so many shops are going bust – I couldn’t even get to the damn stuff for Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd they can.  And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.