Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the holiday season’ or ‘festive period’ or whatever you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop. It.

This year, I’ve managed to do almost all my CHRISTMAS shopping online. I’m sure most others will be able to say the same.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there! All the Christmas Numpties have caught on to those self-scan thingies at supermarkets, too. Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area. Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July? I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt. Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas. And let me just tell you something:

THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED FOR ABOUT TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!

You’re not going to starve to death! Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And is it just me, or is every cripple or anyone on wheels in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year? Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd seems to be blocking everyones way. And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same 40 songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – at Christmas mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.

The Rant Before Christmas

The Rant Before Christmas

We’re nearly there!  Little Johnny is almost being sick with excitement, the dog/cat is already saving up his innards ready to crap in your Aunts shoes during the Christmas meal, and general madness has taken the nation!

I still blame the Christmas music, of course.  I have songs that I absolutely fucking LOVE that I haven’t heard as many times as some of those bastard songs.

I’m actually sat writing this at work and sniggering because the CD player is skipping like Dale Winton on amphetamines.  It’s just a matter of time until someone turns it off… or I put my earplug back in and put my own Christmas music back on.

What’s that?

At The Gates.  Specifically, it’s the album ‘Slaughter Of The Soul’.  Now THAT sounds Christmassy to me!  Either that or ‘The Principles Of Evil Made Flesh’ by Cradle Of Filth’.  Or the first two albums by Ultraviolence (‘Life Of Destructor’ and ‘Psychodrama’).

I suspect this is because I got these albums for Christmas, but also because they DO sound like Winter.  Cold.  Precise.  Brutal.

And GENUINE.  Unlike the shit we get force-fed as ‘festive’ – the same songs that are almost as if they’re trying to convince themselves that we’re “simply having a wonderful Christmas time”, and all that Jive Bunny shit.

It is depressing to me.

I’ve heard people talk about going to the supermarket at 7am today to find it filled with people doing their shopping ready for the big day.

That’s ‘day’.  Singular.  As in, the shops are closed for TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!!!

Correct me if I’m wrong, but for the rest of the year most people cope with only shopping once a week?!  So why, all of a sudden, does everyone go all Frothy-Mouthed Gaa-Gaa because we can’t go shopping on just that one day??

If the shops were open on Christmas Day – would anyone actually GO there?  Chill the fuck out, have another glass of sherry, and get some turkey down you FFS!

I hope you all have a great time, and I hope weird shit happens to me so I can blog about it all.

Chances are it will be a tale of being forced to watch childrens TV and Emo Eastenders – but I’ll be clinging onto that sherry haze for dear life!

Merry -ing Christmas!

Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the holiday season’ or ‘festive period’ or whatever you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop. It.

This year, I’ve managed to do almost all my CHRISTMAS shopping online. I’m sure most others will be able to say the same.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there! All the Christmas Numpties have caught on to those self-scan thingies at supermarkets, too. Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area. Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July? I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt. Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas. And let me just tell you something:

THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED FOR ABOUT TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!

You’re not going to starve to death! Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And is it just me, or is every cripple or anyone on wheels in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year? Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd seems to be blocking everyones way. And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same 40 songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – at Christmas mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.

Holiday Rage

Holiday Rage

Right, first off, even that title pisses me off.  It’s fucking CHRISTMAS – not ‘the Holiday Season’, ‘the Festive Period’ or whatever else you dumb cunts keep trying to change it to!

I’m not religious, but even I know it’s bloody Christmas!

Stop.  It.

https://i2.wp.com/www.liffeyvalley.ie/uploads/RTEmagicC_Festive-menu-promo.jpg.jpg

This year, most of us sensible ones will have managed to do almost all our CHRISTMAS shopping online.

So how in the blue-knobbed CHRIST are you all still pissing about in the shops like a bunch of stray mental patients???

It’s Hell out there!  I mostly use one of those self-scan thingies at the local supermarket to dodge the queues, but now all the Christmas Numpties have caught on to it, too.  Except that they can’t fucking grasp the concept of scanning the bar code on an item and then putting it in the designated area.  Look, it’s hard, so fuck off back to the tills and let me get on with it!

And what’s happened to all those smug bastards who started their Christmas shopping back in July?  I’ll tell you what’s happened – they’re in those bastard crowds of shoppers still!

Next year, if you tell me you’ve started buying Christmas presents before mid-November “to beat the rush”, I am going to kick you in the cunt.  Hard.

And yes, I do understand that the majority of the braindead twats shuffling about the place are buying essentials like food for Christmas.  And let me just tell you something:

THE SHOPS ARE CLOSED FOR ABOUT TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS!

You’re not going to starve to death!  Stop buying like there’s a nuclear war coming, then we can all relax and just shop normally!

And what’s with all the wheelchairs and stuff?

Is it just me, or is every cripple in the UK out for a joyride at peak shopping times this year?

It’s no wonder so many shops are going bust – I couldn’t even get to the damn stuff for Wheeley Old People (get it???) in Shopmobility carts, fatties being wheeled around on oversized skateboards, and any other immobile cunt they can put wheels on and push into the busiest crowd they can.  And yes, this includes YOU, with your pushchair that’s bigger than a 1950’s Cadillac!

https://i2.wp.com/www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/lha/lowres/lhan43l.jpg

And all this to the lovely accompaniment of the same songs we’ve heard every shitting year after year after year after year after year…

Even without having some tit coughing their Christmas Cheer down the back of my neck, whilst his dozy lummox of a wife abandons her shopping cart in the middle of the aisle AGAIN as she waddles off to poke a mince pie three aisles down, Christmas Music sends me almost instantly psychotic.

Talk about bringing out the misanthrope – mine comes out like a trap-door spider covered in tinsel and anger!

You bastards!

If I haven’t killed you – hope you have a great Christmas.

https://i2.wp.com/www.sensualism.com/cuteness/tai-chan.jpg