Worship Your Weak Heros

Worship Your Weak Heros

The world is going to shit.

Kids are unruly at best, and stab each other in the japs-eye at worst (or if they live in London), the criminals have more rights than your average law abiding citizen, and a ‘celebrity’ buying a new thong carries more news headlines than a natural disaster.

Adults don’t even read anymore, and if they do its childrens books about wizards!

WTF is going on?

I’ll tell you what: We don’t have any role models.  The closest we get to a role model is a choice between an alcoholic wife-beating rapist of a footballer, or a poncey metrosexual hen-pecked fashion whore of a footballer.

Ooh!  Choices, choices…

What we don’t have is any real Hero’s anymore.  Even in fiction, our ‘Hero’s aren’t exactly the Herculean, err… Hercules or even a pre-horeseriding-accident Superman.


Oh no – we get weak, pansy-assed weeds like this:


Don’t get me wrong – whilst the books in the whole LOTR series bored me more than an impotent Vicar at a lapdancing club, I actually enjoyed the films quite a lot.  Apart from one thing, which – as you may have guessed – are the hairy-toed limp-dicks pictured above.

Hobbits.  Yeah, sure – have them in the film doing their thing, but FFS don’t make THEM the Hero’s!  They’re the cute little aside as the Hero sweeps through actually getting stuff DONE!  Nobody should want to BE a damned Hobbit!

Horrible, sneaky little weak, scared, indecisive, couldn’t-punch-their-way-out-of-a-wet-paper-bag dick-heads!!!

And just as everyone is getting over them and back to decent LARP costumes like Barbarians and Evil DeathfuckI’mhards, who comes along???

This twat:


They’re all a lot like Superman, actually – no, not the one with the head-stick and dribble – I mean the spastic that was Clark Kent before he took his glasses off.  As if he forgot he was actually Superman and never got around to saving anything but Dungeons & Dragons playing cards.

We all look up to Clark Kent as our Hero and role model rather than Superman, and nobody is saying “Hey wait a minute!  Where’s the passion?  Where’s the power?  Where’s the fucking HERO-ness???”

Then again, none of us could tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman as long as he wore glasses and used less hairgel, so is it really all that surprising…?

Celebrity Beauty

Celebrity Beauty

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened this page on MSN this morning.  It’s yet more proof to me that the media controls how we think, feel and even how we see:

Beyonce has best body, say women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Singer Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women, but males prefer Hollywood actress Megan Fox, a new survey has found.
The singer topped the poll among females with 24% of the vote, but one in five men stated Transformers star Fox boasted the sexiest body and named her as the woman they would most like to sleep with if their partner gave them a celebrity pass.

All I really know about Megan Fox is that she’s thicker than your average Collie dog.  She probably chases balls and runs into sharp sticks in the park.  OK, so this is about the body – and yeah I’d knock the Granny out of it.

But Boyonce???

Legs like -ing tree trunks and an ass like Station from Bill & Teds Bogus Journey fame!

I find it quite interesting that Men voted for Megan and Women voted for Boyonce.  Doesn’t that just show how fkd up in the head women are?  Women have an idea of what men find beautiful that is fashioned by OTHER WOMEN instead of men!

The poll of 2,000 people also revealed newlywed Katie Price was losing favour with the public with a third of men and women unanimously naming her as the least attractive celebrity.

Oh, so the Queen of Slappers is less attractive?  Was she EVER attractive?

Slim figured Victoria Beckham did not fair well among those questioned being voted the celebrity with the worst figure by both sexes.

Posh Spice = Wig-on-a-stick.  That can be a good thing – in her case it’d be splinters.

The attractiveness study, conducted by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment to mark the DVD and Blu-ray release of Jennifer’s Body starring Fox, found that as well as being women’s overall body choice, Beyonce boasted the sexiest individual assets.
Approximately 34% of men and women surveyed named her as the celebrity with the best bottom, while a quarter of respondents said she had the best legs.

WTF?!?  Refer to my comments above!!!!

Beyonce’s bosom also topped among women, with 23% saying she had the best celebrity cleavage.
Hollywood siren Angelina Jolie and Fox shared first place among male voters in this category, both attracting 19%.

OK, so breasts aren’t my area of expertise.  As most of you will know, I prefer smaller breasts, but without checking I’d say if I had to choose from these Fox would have it…

The pair also split the vote for the title of best celebrity eyes, with Jolie just beating Fox by 19% to 18%.

Celebrity eyes?  Hang on – was this a poll consisting of about 5 people and made for retards who can only keep up with this weeks fad ‘celebrity’?

British actress Keira Knightley took the crown for the prettiest face with 18% of both men and women putting her top of the list, while Jennifer Aniston secured 17% of the votes.

Prettiest face?  HOW?


She looks like a shovel.  Actually she has the body to match, too!  A big bloody shovel stood on it’s handle!

I’m assuming she’s just still getting the Emo/Pirate votes…