50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

I had this rant back in 2012.  I’m pretty sure the whole of society managed to agree on the fact that the books were utter shite.

Well, apparently not.

We have been treated to the film version!

Oh yes! Some skinny wench with ribs hanging out everywhere is now up on the big screen with her brooding-yet-powerful and equally as wooden co-star, and you get to sit in a cinema paddling away at your pink bits while everyone pretends to laugh about it all.

So here is my original blog on the ‘phenomenon’ – just replace the word ‘book’ with ‘film’ and feel free to go at it again:

You have probably been battered around your lady-parts lately by all this excitement over the book ’50 Shades Of Grey’ by E. L. James.

Everyone is going mental over it… err… ok – so by ‘everyone’ I mean the same kind of women who went mental over the Harry Potter books.  Of course, with this book being of actual adult material, it’s been attracting the interest of even more people than the scarf-wearing geeky twat for retards.

And speaking of twats – that’s pretty much what 50 Shades Of Grey is all about!Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for porn.  Just stop trying to dress it up as something else!

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Oh, sure – they’ll call it ‘erotic fiction’, but essentially that just means it’s all the writing from pornographic magazines compiled and expanded without the pictures.And ‘erotica’ is never just about straight sex anymore.  It’ll be whips, chains, spanking, klyster suits and two girls eating each others shit out of a cup!

Yes, I AM a bitter ex-writer of erotica – and I’ve had this rant before about how ‘erotica’ these days can’t just be about a couple having sex.  Apparently it’s not ‘sexy’ until a toy soldier gets shoved up someones arsehole.

So this book is pretty much designed to get women, in the words of ‘The Inbetweeners’, frothing at the gash.There will be lots of one-handed reading going on, if you know what I mean?

Even more astounding given this fact, is that so many people are trying to get hold of second-hand copies off others!?!

“Are the pages stuck together?”  Would be my first question!  Then I’d also be purchasing some disposable gloves and anti-bacterial gel.

I suppose one good thing that will come from this mass hysteria is that it may open up the market for erotic writing again… So maybe I should start reposting the stuff I used to put up for Sex Blog Thursday on MySpace?

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EROTIC STORY: “Missionary”

EROTIC STORY: “Missionary”

She clasped her hand around him and kissed his lips as he gasped.

He walked her backwards towards the bed as her other hand slid his already open shirt from his shoulders, and gave his jeans that extra shove to drop down to his ankles.

Stepping out of them, he playfully nipped her tongue, lifting her own top over her head, groaning again as her hand wrapped around him again.

He gave a slight push towards the bed, but she resisted, her mouth curling into a playful smile.

Sidestepping sleekly, he pushed his hip against hers, lifting her feet off the floor and throwing her down onto the soft mattress, her amused shriek bouncing off the walls as he quickly straddled her and pinned her arms above her head.

He growled and bit her throat like a werewolf attacking her, and she giggled and writhed beneath him.

Smiling, they kissed again, eyes closed as long moments passed.  Without breaking his lips away, he moved so his legs lay between hers, and she kept her eyes closed tightly to revel in the sensation as his length rested against the wet warmth of her entrance.

He supported most of his weight on one arm, releasing her hands so she was free to wrap her own arms around his back, and he moved his palm over the curve of her hip, and over her buttock.

she squirmed her hips at his touch, feeling her clit rub against the underside of his penis.

He eased his hips forwards, sliding easily and spreading her wetness up her, increasing the pleasure for them both with a long slow motion, before drawing his hips back again so his tip was resting at her just inside her lips.

She dug her nails into his ass, pulling him harder against her as he slowly, torturously repeated the motion several more times.

His supporting arm began to shake – more with the anticipation and pleasure than the effort, and he shifted his weight onto both his elbows, tightly wrapping her in his arms by slightly lifting her back from the bed.

He slid his tip effortlessly inside her, holding it there, throbbing inside her as he kissed her neck – small, fast kisses that made him twitch inside her.

She tried to move her hips and draw him inside her, but he still had her body pinned by his weight, and she clenched tightly around him, loving the feel of him inside her, wanting him deeper, but enjoying his teasing too much.

He eased into her a tiny fraction more, going slowly so he could feel her warmth enveloping him, then pulling back almost all the way out, feeling himself shudder.  She cried out wordlessly as he slid back in, even more slowly this time, but not stopping, sinking as deep inside her as he could, filling her all.

This time holding deep inside her, he ground his hips against hers, rubbing her clit, her hips grinding back up against his rhythmically.

He pulled back slightly, then moved forwards, sliding back and forth whilst always staying deeply with her, moving his hips against hers in semi-circular motions, twisting with each other.

He let out a shuddering sigh as he pulled back, almost out of her, intending to tease her more by stopping, but now getting lost in the moment, she drew him back in, their hands pulling at each other, breath hot against each others cheeks.

They bucked faster against each other, no games left now – just wanting each other, wanting their own pleasure, and knowing that would come from that of the other.

She felt him expand inside her and knew he was about to cum before hearing him cry out, and her nails raked down the skin of his strong back, her legs gripping him, wanting him even closer now, as she fell over the edge herself.

The world was lost to them, and an eternity could have passed before she opened her eyes, his hand was stroking her face as he gazed at her.

His smile and the darkness of his usually bright blue eyes told her all she knew, and all she wanted to know – he was all hers.

And she was forever his…

A Deluge Of Smut

A Deluge Of Smut

Some of you will be aware of a few ‘erotic’ short stories I wrote a few years ago.

I actually wrote quite a few more of these than you will find on this blog… They were originally on MySpace, and posted each and every week for a day we themed ‘Sex Blog Thursday’.

Everyone else was writing the usual ‘erotic’ crap involving leather masks, spanking, whips, and anal sex with a dead yak.

I got noticed (my rise to MySpace fame!!!) through the masses because I was writing stories about real (vanilla?!) sex – without this kinky crap that seems essential to every other damned ‘erotic’ writer!  And, I guess, being a male doing this stuff was a bit different, too.

The truth is, I knocked one out (the STORIES, you perves!) in under 30 mins in most cases, without any editing or even reading them back.  It worked, loads of you people out there loved them, and life was rosier than a tinted condom.

Looking back at them now is Cringe City.

I’m actually a bit scared to repost them, despite lots of requests, because, well… I was anonymous on MySpace, and my Mom can see this blog linked to me on Facebook now.  And work people.  And real live people who may or may not have featured in some stories.  Umm… yes…

So, in the true spirit of ‘fuck it’, I’m going not look too closely at them, paste them as they are from the old archives, and post most of them again.

I think.

So, err, apologies in advance if you know me in real life, and normal service will resume once the deluge of smut has spooted all over my blog like a pot-bellied Asian guy in glasses at a Bukakke festival.

Enjoy!

EROTIC STORY: “The First Hurdle”

EROTIC STORY: “The First Hurdle”

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He’d been trying to decide how long to wait.  And how long he should make her wait.

After a few dates, this was his first time in her house.  She’d cooked, they’d eaten, and now already the second film of the night was playing.

And of course there was the vodka.

Deciding to have a play and see what the reaction was, he idly traced his fingertip across the length of her shoulders as they sat together on the couch.

Her submissive purr told him all he needed to know, and as he ran his fingers up her neck and into her hair, her head lolled against his hand and her shiver of pleasure was plain.

He smiled in the dimmed light, lightly moving his other hand into action on her thigh.

She turned to him, no smile on her lips – just hunger in her eyes, and there wasn’t even an instant in which to consider having their first real kiss.  It was gentle but needful, embracing each other strongly as they twisted to get more of their bodies to touch.

The kiss broke and his fingers still massaged the back of her head, and between her moans her hot lips were against the side of his neck, then back on his lips again.

As she found how hard he already was, he moved his own hands over her corseted top, feeling her soft, firm breasts through the material and needing to feel more.

He pulled her body close to his, reaching around her back to the corseting.  Biting her neck softly, he pulled at the ties.

“Not like that…” she panted, pulling back and showing him the hooked fasteners at the sides.

He smiled again, somewhat disappointed to have the new challenge of undoing a corset denied, kissing her as he popped open the fasteners the easy way.

He was kissing down her collarbone even as she discarded the top, his warm hands cupping her as he kissed her breasts slowly and softly.

She moved to kneel on the coach facing him, pulling off his top as if in trade, and she didn’t stop him as he unbuttoned her jeans and slipped a hand inside.

She lifted his face to kiss him again as his fingers slid over her wetness, and he knew she wanted him as much as he wanted her.  Slickened by her own wetness, her whole body sagged as he slowly ran a finger over her clit for the first time, and time disappeared for both of them, her gasp as her tightness clamped down around his fingers bringing out a moan of pleasure from him.

Somehow he was naked as she pushed him back into the seat, straddling him as she steadily worked her had rhythmically up his length, before guiding his tip inside her.

He bit her lower lip as she eased down slowly, a cry escaping them both as she slowly inched over him.

She felt so tight he wondered briefly if this would work, but their slickness made sure there was anything but pain as she took his whole length inside her, nails clawing at his shoulders.

They kissed hard, both gasping as she drew herself up his length, eager to resume the kiss, but unable to ignore their ecstasy.

She rode him like that for a long time, changing pace and matching each other easily – both in tune with each other as if they’d done this a thousand times.

He swirled his tongue over her hard nipples, her whole body shaking now as she moved on him steadily.

“I’m gonna cum…” she breathed against his ear, and he came the moment her hands scrabbled at his back, both lost to each other as they gripped each other as if to stop from floating off.

She kept him inside her, and they both calmed their breathing, kissing more tenderly now.

“I wasn’t sure if you wanted to?”  She said, much to his amusement.

A thunderstorm had started outside, and only now did they notice as the roar shook the window panes.

The first hurdle was passed, and they held each other, both knowing they’d made the right choice with each other at last.

And now they could really begin…

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EROTIC STORY: “Just Friends”

EROTIC STORY: “Just Friends”

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It was always asking for trouble.

A bed is to friends what the apple was to Adam and Eve.

As they traded laughter for a quick kiss, he was a little surprised when the gentle lip contact became suddenly and unavoidably deeper.  But only a little surprised.

Their tongues found each other, and she pulled at his shoulder, virtually dragging him on top of her – not that he needed too much coaxing.

Funny though it was, ‘Family Guy’ was lost to a world filled only with them, his arms sliding underneath her body in a fierce embrace.

Still he had to know that this was what she wanted, so he held back, merely matching her kiss until she was lifting his shirt over his head.  As she ground her hips hard up against his, he finally relented to her, pressing his hips back down on her, his hardness making her moan out load as she worked her body.

Her top was gone – he couldn’t remember how or when, and as his lips kissed at her naked shoulders, and he realised she’d slipped off his jeans, he didn’t need to know the answers.

He eased his weight off her, laying to her side and running a hand down her beautiful face.  She kisses him again, hungrily, and his hands fumbled with her own jeans, the wetness that embraced his fingers telling him this was not the time for gentle foreplay – she wanted him right now.

Back on top of her, he slid his length against her, feeling her shudder as she pressed herself against him.  He wanted to tease her like this, but didn’t think he’d last if he did.

As his tip slowly entered her, he could tell she might not last either.

He pushed into her a little, then drew back again, making sure he was slick with her juices as he pushed a little further and then drew back again.  She bit the side of his neck hard as he finally filled her with his whole length, and he held himself as deep as he could inside her as she squirmed her hips, her muscles locking him tightly inside her.

Running his fingers through her hair as he gazed into her eyes again, he took a moment to steady himself, realising almost instantly that those hungry eyes, and her full lips wouldn’t help him.  Pulling her tight again, he nuzzled his nose against her hair, flicking his tongue over her ear, biting slightly as he slowly worked his hips.

In his head he knew he should be trying to think of baseball cards or something now to slow down his climax, but the moment was too good.

She bucked her hips up to meet his thrusts – no time for kissing now as they clawed and pulled at each other.

Suddenly, he pulled out of her, and as if she’d read his mind she moved with him, pushing him onto his back before sinking down onto him again.

She sat up, and his hands cupped her breasts, then he pulled her forwards slightly, sucking and kissing at her nipples as she rode him steadily – a pace that was perfect for both of them.

She stopped with a gasp, and arched her back as she felt him twitch inside her, but he wasn’t ready to end it yet.

Teasing him, she inched off him as slowly as she dared, grinning wickedly as she finally released him, and then he was behind her – inside her again.

He pulled her hips back onto him and held her there hard, whilst very lightly running his tongue from the nape of her neck to her shoulder.  He retraced the route lightly with his teeth, and the hair on her neck stood on end as he bit down gently on her neck, then placed hard kisses up to her earlobe as he pinched her nipples hard.

She turned her head so their lips met briefly, then dropped her face to the mattress in ecstasy as he pulled back and sank into her again.

He thrust harder, and she met his movements eagerly.  He pushed her forwards, taking his weight on one arm as his other hand moved between her legs.

He felt her cum as he was right on the edge, and knew he should pull out of her, but it felt too good.

She was cumming and trying to pull his hand away from her clit, but he kept the pressure there as he came hard inside her, feeling her juices running down over his fingers as she cried out with him.

She fell forwards, and he moved with her, still inside her and kissing her shoulders as they rose and fell with her breathing.

At last she lifted her head and twisted around to look at him with a smile.

Maybe they weren’t just friends anymore…

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EROTIC STORY: “Drive Me To The Edge!”

EROTIC STORY: “Drive Me To The Edge!”

He was watching her as she drove.

It was a huge turn-on to see her handling the car, bare legs straining against the pedals, and the lazy way she caressed the gear stick, sliding her slender fingers over the steering wheel.

The atmosphere between them was electric.  He was already hard in anticipation, willing his erection away so he could give her the full show.

She was squirming with her own wetness.  They spoke briefly, but they were both glad they could use the radio as a distraction – not that it was distracting either from what they were about to do.

She had scouted out some of the quieter roads a few days before, finding the spot in a gateway that she pulled into now.

Fucking dog walkers were the main problem – they popped up everywhere!  Then again, so might Doggers, if they knew what was going on!

She pulled on the handbrake and switched the engine off.

Sun shone over the surrounding fields, a warm breeze softly rustling the hedgerows.  The sound of a distant tractor floated in through the open windows, and they both took a deep breath of fresh summer grassy air.

When they looked at each other the whole world outside the car could have caught fire.  They flung their arms around each other – lips meeting first before their arms wrapped around each other, hands hungrily moving over each others backs.

His hand unfastened a few buttons on her shirt and slipped inside to cup her breast, her eager nipple hard to his touch.

“I want to feel you inside me” she breathed at him, shifting her position to face him better.  Her hand ran over his inner thigh, then slipped between his legs.  He looked down with interest before she found the seat mechanism and slid his seat backwards to it’s furthest point.

He giggled a bit and was about to say something about funfairs, but then she was stretching her leg over his lap to straddle him.

Her hands scrabbled at his trousers, as he lowered the back of his seat so he could lean back a bit, and the summer air felt cool to the hotness of her hands as she sprung him free.

She worked both her hands on him slowly, looking deeply into his eyes.  His hands held her hips, then ran down her thighs, lifting her short skirt and touching the bare flesh beneath.

She moved herself forwards, still holding him in one hand and pressing his cock against her so he could feel her own dripping wetness.

Groaning, one hand went back to her breast, and she stroked his penis with one hand as she thrust her hips against him, herself letting out a cry as she slid against his slick shaft.

Her legs stopped her as she tried to move forwards onto him, and he moaned in frustration as his tip was briefly inside her before she pulled away again.

She placed her hands on his chest, holding him back in his seat, and then shimmied herself around so she was sitting on his lap, her legs outside his.

She pressed her hands into his chest as she lifted herself up, and then lowered herself slowly onto him, her head thrown back as he slid deep inside her.

Holding him inside her, she turned lay her her back onto his strong shoulders, turning her head so they could kiss.  She moved her hips in a wave motion, and then pressed her thighs together and squirmed over his lap, and he whispered her name in her ear at her tightness around him.

One hand held her firmly around her waist, the other unfastening more of her buttons before massaging her breasts.

Her hand moved as she opened her legs again, and he looked down over her breasts as she stroked gently at her clit, feeling herself get even more wet knowing he could see her.

She lifted her feet and put them on the edge of the dashboard, lifting herself up his length as he moved both his hands around her to steady her and hold her tightly.

Suddenly she brought her thighs together sharply, making him cry out, and that cry making her cum hard.  Her spasms set him off, too, thrusting himself deep inside her as her muscles clenched tightly around his own throbbing penis, and he bit lightly on her earlobe as he came with her.

Their desperate movements slowed and his hands held her more gently.  They kissed softly, her beautiful eyes locked on his, as she softly rocked her hips.

Eventually she slid off him, and they drove back to civilisation, leaving the radio switched off.

Their smiles sang better words than any song could have…

EROTIC STORY: “Who’s On Top?”

EROTIC STORY: “Who’s On Top?”

 

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The stroll back from the night out was in stark contrast to what was in her head, concentrating on the weight of his strong hand resting around her waist and on her hip.

He was looking at her sometimes, when he thought she couldn’t see.

She’d catch his eyes and see that spark in them, although their talk was friendly… casual…

Then she was inside the house, the door pressing into her back as he pressed her hard against it.

He must have been having ideas on the walk back, because he was at least as ready as she was.

She pulled him close to her and took a sharp intake of breath as his teeth gently clamped down on the side of her neck – more expertly than any vampire ever had in a work of erotic fiction.

She pulled his body close to hers, and he returned the embrace, feeling her leg wrap around him.

He wrapped his arms around her lower back, lifting her up and pressing her against the door, letting her cross her legs behind him.

They kissed, gasping, and she exhaled deeply as he rubbed himself against her, hitting just the right spot even through his trousers.

He shuffled backwards, and she didn’t want to let him move from between her legs, protesting briefly before unclenching from around him.

His usually bright blue eyes looked almost black, but burned into her, and she felt their heat between her legs, as he took her hand and led her up the short staircase.

She didn’t need to be dragged, and pushed him through the doorway and onto the bed.

He laughed at this, and she straddled him on the bed.

This time he could see the black lace hold-ups beneath her short skirt, and she pulled her top over her head to reveal a matching black bra.

She lowered her mouth to his, biting on his lower lip whilst again sliding against him, only this time she was in control.

Her eyes fell shut as she ground herself against him, lightly but firm enough to make him groan with pleasure, his hands running up over her hips and thumbs hooking under the band of her thong, pulling down insistently.

She opened her eyes and raised herself from him, rolling to the side to slide out of her underwear, as he fumbled quickly to remove his own.

He raised his shoulder up and she pushed him back down, sliding her leg over his hips again.

She felt so good just resting against him, then she reached her hand beneath her, wrapping around him and working him up and down in a screwing motion before guiding him inside her, sinking down greedily over him – wanting every inch inside and filling her.

She held there, feeling him reach around and undo her bra strap, then sliding it off her slender shoulders.

She rode him steadily, her hair falling forwards over his face, and he kissed down her neck, biting her shoulder as his hands explored the curves of her back.  She was going to cum soon.

He noticed her change, and grabbed her hips, pushing her off him, and then pushing her shoulder in the playful way she’d done to him earlier.

He got to his knees on the bed, and she quickly moved from her back onto all fours, taking him in her mouth.

He moaned loudly, as turned on by the thought of her tasting her own juices on him as he was by the wave motion she did with her tongue, all up the underside of his cock, her teeth biting lightly on his head as her tongue flicked over the most sensitive part lightly.

Her hot mouth enveloped him again and he looked down to see her eyes on his, wanting to please, willing him to cum in her mouth.

He couldn’t take that for long, and pulled out of her mouth.

“No – I want to fuck you.”

She lay back, holding herself open for him with her fingers.

He gladly obliged, sliding himself in slowly as he knelt between her legs, watching her fling her head back, revelling in the three short wordless cries that came from her before he was as deep inside her as he could be.

He leant forward over her, and she could smell sweat and aftershave.  Breathing him in as hungrily and she was taking him in, she pulled him down on top of her, moving her hips in time with his, as he ground his pubic bone hard against her clit, keeping almost all the way inside her and using just his hips.

He took both her hands in his, pinning them above her head with his weight, and slid out so far she thought she’d lose him – and she desperately wanted to keep him inside her.

He took several long strokes in her, and then changed to fast and shallow, the tip of him almost leaving her.

Then he went back to the long strokes and her head was desperately pressing at the mattress, her hips rising to meet him, and she couldn’t breath as the orgasm tore through her.

She was only vaguely aware of crying for him to cum with her, but she didn’t need to, for the feel of her around him had sent him to the edge, and that sexiest of commands pushed him off a huge cliff.

She felt him twitching inside her and pulled him harder into her, her hands now free and nails scraping the skin from his back, then she felt his weight collapse onto her, both of their orgasms spiralling down from their peak, gasping air and groaning as if in disbelief.

They kissed with smiles, and she kept him inside her as they got their breath back.

He stroked her face as he kissed her, and as she clenched around him she felt him begin to harden again.

Who would be on top this time around?

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