This Man Is NOT Funny!!!!!

This Man Is NOT Funny!!!!!

Sometimes I really do wonder how the Hell certain people became ‘celebrities’, or why certain ‘celebrities’ are even famous.

Here is one who’s -ing everywhere in every bastard film and apparently he’s the new God of the Comedy genre:

Owen Wilson.

“Oh, he’s soooooo funny!!!!!”


Just fucking WHEN has he EVER been funny?

What the fuck is wrong with everyone to think this Cunt-Wig is in the slightest bit funny, so should be in every ‘comedy’ film?????

Am I missing something?

Is it just because he’s ‘good looking’?

He looks like a gay hair model to me.  Anyway, nobody thought he was all that when he was the bad guy in Karate Kid!

Err, that is him, isn’t it?  Anyway…

He wasn’t funny in the slightest in Starsky and Hutch, but I let it pass and gave him a chance.

Then I tried to watch what looked like it could be a really funny film: You, Me & Dupree.

Holy Rat-Nippled Christ!

By half way in I had to stop the film because it was sapping my will to live – and it’s THAT unfunny fucker I’m holding responsible!  I tried my best to watch it… and after 1hr 13 mins I was actually feeling depressed at how shit it was, and I swear to God I cannot make it to the end of the film!  I think this may be the first film ever.


I’m sure I can’t be the only one in the world who thinks this, but it sure does feel like it.

I hate the bastard almost as much as ‘That Cunt’ Jack Black.

Angelina Is Not Pretty!

Angelina Is Not Pretty!

After having previously ranted about ‘Unfunny’ Owen Wilson, who seems to be ruining every comedy film of the last 5 years, I feel it’s only right to focus on some of the Hollywood wenches who piss me off.

One of the most publicised stars of the big screen over the last 10 years is the stunningly beautiful Angelina Jolie.

All women want to BE Angelina.

Those huge lips… beautiful looks… her sexiness and attitude…

She’s been voted World’s Sexiest Woman in just about every magazine – both those aimed at men AND women.

Men drool over her.

*sound of a record scratching to a halt*


Right from back in 1995 when she was in ‘Hackers’ I was one of the few left there with a look on my face like I’d farted halfway through a yawn, whilst everyone raved about her.  Don’t get me wrong – she’ ‘ok’.  I’d probably fuck her till her nose ran if I was high on crack and she was grinding on me like an old rickety collie having a fit.  I’d agree she probably was the perfect choice to play Lara Croft.

Only… I’m not a Geek, and video game characters don’t turn me on either.  So I stayed silent about this – until recently…

Have any of you seen ‘Changeling’ yet?

She.  Looks.  Rough.

Does anyone disagree with me here?  It’s only now that I can point out her big half-moon concave looks-like-someone-kicked-a-football-into-her-chops that I’ve found HIGHLY disturbing in all her films!  And that includes Mr And Mrs Smith – which I think is her best film.

And that brings me to something else!  She’s EVERYWHERE, right?  Star of a million great films – the best actress of our time etc, right?  Umm… and then you actually take a good look at the list of films she’s been in:

# Wanted (2008)
# Changeling (2008)
# Kung Fu Panda (2008) (voice)
# Beowulf (2007)
# A Mighty Heart (2007)
# The Good Shepherd (2006)
# Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
# Alexander (2004)
# The Fever (2004)
# Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
# Shark Tale (2004) (voice)
# Taking Lives (2004)
# Beyond Borders (2003)
# Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)
# Life or Something Like It (2002)
# Original Sin (2001)
# Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
# Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)
# Girl, Interrupted (1999)
# The Bone Collector (1999)
# Pushing Tin (1999)
# Playing by Heart (1998)
# Hell’s Kitchen (1998)
# Playing God (1997)
# Foxfire (1996)
# Mojave Moon (1996)
# Love Is All There Is (1996)
# Hackers (1995)
# Without Evidence (1995)
# Cyborg 2 (1993)
# Alice & Viril (1993)
# Angela & Viril (1993)
# Lookin’ to Get Out (1982)

Well slap me ’round the face with a dehydrated chicken if there aren’t only about FIVE damned films in that list that even scrape into the Good Film category – let alone Great Films!

I have nooooooooo idea what the majority of those films are.  Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow?!??!  They’re making that shit up now!

So what is it?  A winning personality?

Umm… isn’t she a bit of a morbid bitch who likes knife-fighting with her sexual partners?  Three marriages?  Possible affairs?  And she seems to be adopting like it’s a new fashion (which is still FAR better than buying tiny fucking rat-dogs).

Do you know what I think?

I think ALL her publicity and status is created by women.  Women who are jealous of her because she’s porked Brad Pitt… and even more so because she ‘won’ him from Jennifer Aniston.

Kind-of ironic…

Celebrity Beauty

Celebrity Beauty

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened this page on MSN this morning.  It’s yet more proof to me that the media controls how we think, feel and even how we see:

Beyonce has best body, say women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women

Singer Beyonce is the celebrity with the best body in the eyes of British women, but males prefer Hollywood actress Megan Fox, a new survey has found.
The singer topped the poll among females with 24% of the vote, but one in five men stated Transformers star Fox boasted the sexiest body and named her as the woman they would most like to sleep with if their partner gave them a celebrity pass.

All I really know about Megan Fox is that she’s thicker than your average Collie dog.  She probably chases balls and runs into sharp sticks in the park.  OK, so this is about the body – and yeah I’d knock the Granny out of it.

But Boyonce???

Legs like -ing tree trunks and an ass like Station from Bill & Teds Bogus Journey fame!

I find it quite interesting that Men voted for Megan and Women voted for Boyonce.  Doesn’t that just show how fkd up in the head women are?  Women have an idea of what men find beautiful that is fashioned by OTHER WOMEN instead of men!

The poll of 2,000 people also revealed newlywed Katie Price was losing favour with the public with a third of men and women unanimously naming her as the least attractive celebrity.

Oh, so the Queen of Slappers is less attractive?  Was she EVER attractive?

Slim figured Victoria Beckham did not fair well among those questioned being voted the celebrity with the worst figure by both sexes.

Posh Spice = Wig-on-a-stick.  That can be a good thing – in her case it’d be splinters.

The attractiveness study, conducted by Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment to mark the DVD and Blu-ray release of Jennifer’s Body starring Fox, found that as well as being women’s overall body choice, Beyonce boasted the sexiest individual assets.
Approximately 34% of men and women surveyed named her as the celebrity with the best bottom, while a quarter of respondents said she had the best legs.

WTF?!?  Refer to my comments above!!!!

Beyonce’s bosom also topped among women, with 23% saying she had the best celebrity cleavage.
Hollywood siren Angelina Jolie and Fox shared first place among male voters in this category, both attracting 19%.

OK, so breasts aren’t my area of expertise.  As most of you will know, I prefer smaller breasts, but without checking I’d say if I had to choose from these Fox would have it…

The pair also split the vote for the title of best celebrity eyes, with Jolie just beating Fox by 19% to 18%.

Celebrity eyes?  Hang on – was this a poll consisting of about 5 people and made for retards who can only keep up with this weeks fad ‘celebrity’?

British actress Keira Knightley took the crown for the prettiest face with 18% of both men and women putting her top of the list, while Jennifer Aniston secured 17% of the votes.

Prettiest face?  HOW?

She looks like a shovel.  Actually she has the body to match, too!  A big bloody shovel stood on it’s handle!

I’m assuming she’s just still getting the Emo/Pirate votes…