Burger King? Burger Kunts, More Like!
It was drawing to the end of a long Friday at work, when I found a link to some vouchers – Buy one, get one free on Big Macs and loads of Burger King stuff.
I was already starving to death, and so by the time I’d printed them off and cut them, I’d already hatched a cunning plan.
I’d seen the TV ads for the BK Angus Burger, and it looked pretty good.
Unfortunately, every BK I’d ever been in was staffed by the dumbest FUCKTARDS I have ever encountered in my life!
I swear to God not one time have they got my order right! The last time all I ordered was a Big Whopper, Fries, and some Onion Rings. It doesn’t get much simpler. No, I don’t want a drink. No, I don’t want the Whopper Meal, else I’d have asked for that. No, it DOES NOT work out cheaper if I have the meal, because I have to pay 60p more AND I can’t have the drink because I’m on a fucking bike… etc.
Same story as every damn fast food purchase whilst in my leathers.
After about 20 minutes of Quasi-fucking-modo’s Grandson trying to work it out, I got home to discover I did have the Onion Rings (and that took a LOT of fighting to make sure) – but no bastard fries!!!
Plus BK stuff costs more than McD’s, and it’s all smaller. Fuck that.
So, being the forgiving and adventurous sort, I decided to give The King another chance to appease the Nasty Evil Ninja.
Walking in, eyeing Wolf Boy and Lurch suspiciously as they loped about behind the counter, I produced my Buy One Get One Free Angus Burger Voucher, nodding a bit. Yeah, bitch – look what I’ve got!
“We don’t take them.” Lurch sprayed at me through his mouldy brace.
I looked up at the big Burger King sign, just in case it had become a McDonalds or Filthy McNasty’s since I was last there. Nope – The King was still here.
“We’re franchised to the motorway services – so we don’t accept regular vouchers.”
Oh, I see! So you can rip us right the fuck off, eh? Thought I.
As I’d been waiting to be served, I was looking for some kind of price list on display so I knew how much some fries would cost me with my Angus Burgers. For the life of me I couldn’t see any prices anywhere! The old adage “If you have to ask – you can’t afford it” is very wise. But not in a fast food joint, surely?!
I couldn’t exactly turn around and go somewhere else for food now, or I’d look a bit silly… so I glanced up at the pictures and ordered the best beast I could see – a Triple Pepper Double Angus Burger or something – and large fries.
“Six pounds seventy whatever.” Lurch said.
I beg your fucking pardon??? Almost SEVEN POUNDS for a burger and fries????
I paid as Wolf Boy capered about getting the food.
“There you go,” he said as he handed the bag over, “Triple Pepper Double Anus Belcher and Regular Fries.”
Ah. There we go. I ask for TWO THINGS, and they get it wrong!!!!
Rage fuelled by hunger was tenuously held at bay as I informed him of the error of his ways, and he threw another bag of fries at me.
I sauntered out of (hopefully) the last Burger King that I will ever visit…