50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

I had this rant back in 2012.  I’m pretty sure the whole of society managed to agree on the fact that the books were utter shite.

Well, apparently not.

We have been treated to the film version!

Oh yes! Some skinny wench with ribs hanging out everywhere is now up on the big screen with her brooding-yet-powerful and equally as wooden co-star, and you get to sit in a cinema paddling away at your pink bits while everyone pretends to laugh about it all.

So here is my original blog on the ‘phenomenon’ – just replace the word ‘book’ with ‘film’ and feel free to go at it again:

You have probably been battered around your lady-parts lately by all this excitement over the book ’50 Shades Of Grey’ by E. L. James.

Everyone is going mental over it… err… ok – so by ‘everyone’ I mean the same kind of women who went mental over the Harry Potter books.  Of course, with this book being of actual adult material, it’s been attracting the interest of even more people than the scarf-wearing geeky twat for retards.

And speaking of twats – that’s pretty much what 50 Shades Of Grey is all about!Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for porn.  Just stop trying to dress it up as something else!

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Oh, sure – they’ll call it ‘erotic fiction’, but essentially that just means it’s all the writing from pornographic magazines compiled and expanded without the pictures.And ‘erotica’ is never just about straight sex anymore.  It’ll be whips, chains, spanking, klyster suits and two girls eating each others shit out of a cup!

Yes, I AM a bitter ex-writer of erotica – and I’ve had this rant before about how ‘erotica’ these days can’t just be about a couple having sex.  Apparently it’s not ‘sexy’ until a toy soldier gets shoved up someones arsehole.

So this book is pretty much designed to get women, in the words of ‘The Inbetweeners’, frothing at the gash.There will be lots of one-handed reading going on, if you know what I mean?

Even more astounding given this fact, is that so many people are trying to get hold of second-hand copies off others!?!

“Are the pages stuck together?”  Would be my first question!  Then I’d also be purchasing some disposable gloves and anti-bacterial gel.

I suppose one good thing that will come from this mass hysteria is that it may open up the market for erotic writing again… So maybe I should start reposting the stuff I used to put up for Sex Blog Thursday on MySpace?

EROTIC STORY: “Who’s On Top?”

EROTIC STORY: “Who’s On Top?”

 

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The stroll back from the night out was in stark contrast to what was in her head, concentrating on the weight of his strong hand resting around her waist and on her hip.

He was looking at her sometimes, when he thought she couldn’t see.

She’d catch his eyes and see that spark in them, although their talk was friendly… casual…

Then she was inside the house, the door pressing into her back as he pressed her hard against it.

He must have been having ideas on the walk back, because he was at least as ready as she was.

She pulled him close to her and took a sharp intake of breath as his teeth gently clamped down on the side of her neck – more expertly than any vampire ever had in a work of erotic fiction.

She pulled his body close to hers, and he returned the embrace, feeling her leg wrap around him.

He wrapped his arms around her lower back, lifting her up and pressing her against the door, letting her cross her legs behind him.

They kissed, gasping, and she exhaled deeply as he rubbed himself against her, hitting just the right spot even through his trousers.

He shuffled backwards, and she didn’t want to let him move from between her legs, protesting briefly before unclenching from around him.

His usually bright blue eyes looked almost black, but burned into her, and she felt their heat between her legs, as he took her hand and led her up the short staircase.

She didn’t need to be dragged, and pushed him through the doorway and onto the bed.

He laughed at this, and she straddled him on the bed.

This time he could see the black lace hold-ups beneath her short skirt, and she pulled her top over her head to reveal a matching black bra.

She lowered her mouth to his, biting on his lower lip whilst again sliding against him, only this time she was in control.

Her eyes fell shut as she ground herself against him, lightly but firm enough to make him groan with pleasure, his hands running up over her hips and thumbs hooking under the band of her thong, pulling down insistently.

She opened her eyes and raised herself from him, rolling to the side to slide out of her underwear, as he fumbled quickly to remove his own.

He raised his shoulder up and she pushed him back down, sliding her leg over his hips again.

She felt so good just resting against him, then she reached her hand beneath her, wrapping around him and working him up and down in a screwing motion before guiding him inside her, sinking down greedily over him – wanting every inch inside and filling her.

She held there, feeling him reach around and undo her bra strap, then sliding it off her slender shoulders.

She rode him steadily, her hair falling forwards over his face, and he kissed down her neck, biting her shoulder as his hands explored the curves of her back.  She was going to cum soon.

He noticed her change, and grabbed her hips, pushing her off him, and then pushing her shoulder in the playful way she’d done to him earlier.

He got to his knees on the bed, and she quickly moved from her back onto all fours, taking him in her mouth.

He moaned loudly, as turned on by the thought of her tasting her own juices on him as he was by the wave motion she did with her tongue, all up the underside of his cock, her teeth biting lightly on his head as her tongue flicked over the most sensitive part lightly.

Her hot mouth enveloped him again and he looked down to see her eyes on his, wanting to please, willing him to cum in her mouth.

He couldn’t take that for long, and pulled out of her mouth.

“No – I want to fuck you.”

She lay back, holding herself open for him with her fingers.

He gladly obliged, sliding himself in slowly as he knelt between her legs, watching her fling her head back, revelling in the three short wordless cries that came from her before he was as deep inside her as he could be.

He leant forward over her, and she could smell sweat and aftershave.  Breathing him in as hungrily and she was taking him in, she pulled him down on top of her, moving her hips in time with his, as he ground his pubic bone hard against her clit, keeping almost all the way inside her and using just his hips.

He took both her hands in his, pinning them above her head with his weight, and slid out so far she thought she’d lose him – and she desperately wanted to keep him inside her.

He took several long strokes in her, and then changed to fast and shallow, the tip of him almost leaving her.

Then he went back to the long strokes and her head was desperately pressing at the mattress, her hips rising to meet him, and she couldn’t breath as the orgasm tore through her.

She was only vaguely aware of crying for him to cum with her, but she didn’t need to, for the feel of her around him had sent him to the edge, and that sexiest of commands pushed him off a huge cliff.

She felt him twitching inside her and pulled him harder into her, her hands now free and nails scraping the skin from his back, then she felt his weight collapse onto her, both of their orgasms spiralling down from their peak, gasping air and groaning as if in disbelief.

They kissed with smiles, and she kept him inside her as they got their breath back.

He stroked her face as he kissed her, and as she clenched around him she felt him begin to harden again.

Who would be on top this time around?

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EROTIC STORY: “Holiday Make-up”

EROTIC STORY: “Holiday Make-up”

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It was a stupid fucking argument.

They were in the sunny paradise of Spain, and supposed to be enjoying their first holiday abroad.

“I’m sorry.”  She said through her pout.

“Me too.”  He agreed, as she slid her arms around him and he returned the gesture.

He kissed her quickly but softly on the lips, looking down at her pout and finding it strangely sexy.  He closed his eyes and lowered his lips back to hers – still softly but lingering this time, the heat of the sun warming one side of them as they stood in it’s glare just inside the hotel room.

She felt him instantly growing hard against her – hardly surprising considering the holiday sun, and the lack of sex they’d had these last few days.

His hands ran all over her back, sending shivers up her spine as he traced a line across her shoulder blades.  She gasped and her body sagged slightly against his.

Shuffling her feet back slightly, her legs found the couch and she lowered herself onto it, still looking deeply into his eyes as her fingertips ran over his broad shoulders, down his arms, until their hands found each others.

He leaned down and kissed her again, harder now, as he knelt on the floor between her legs.

His hands ran up her bare legs, from the knees, raking his nails lightly and slowly all the way up to her hips, sliding under her sarong as he did.

She bit down on the side of his neck as he pulled her hips into him.

Clearly feeling his hard shaft through the thin material of his shorts and her bikini bottoms, she ground her hips so that he was touching her in the perfect place, her clit throbbing and the material there already soaking with need.

As she moved her hands down his back, sliding them under the waistband of his shorts and grabbing his ass, he deftly tugged on the ties, and the feel of the smooth top sliding off her nipples made them grow even harder.

He pushed her shoulders back and moved his mouth down to her breasts, licking and sucking each in turn, gently biting her nipples, but all she could feel was his hard cock as she wriggled her hips against him, her nails scratching at his back as she tried to pull him harder against her.

She leaned back on the couch and he shifted himself as his soft kisses ran down her stomach, but she stopped him there, pulling his face back to hers and slipping his shorts down to expose him.

“Do it now…” she breathed, a shudder in her voice just with the anticipation.

They both looked down between them, her finger hooking the bikini to the side, his guiding his penis, sliding it’s head against her opening, his glistening pre-cum joined by her slick wetness as he coated his tip, both gasping and groaning with the sight and feelings.

One hand still around his shaft, he guided himself once more to her entrance, between her fingers which now held herself apart for his entry, and she cried out as it came easily as he sank into her as far as he could.

He used one hand around her lower back to keep her tight to him, and as they kissed again she moved with him deep inside her, feeling him throbbing as she squeezed him.

At last he pulled back, hands running over her thighs again as he worked up a steady rhythm with her, hard and deep with them both trying desperately to hold back.

He felt her nails tear into his back as she reached the edge, and as he kissed the side of her neck he smiled as he noted the flush there.

He pushed her back on the couch, still kneeling in front of it, and hooked his hands under her shoulders.

She liked to feel his weight on her, and as his thrusts got harder and faster she heard herself cry out as she came, and she felt him tense as he came deep inside her, too, slowing his movements to a tender pace, delivering a few soft, quick kisses to her as he brushed her hair away from her face so that he could smile down at her.

He pulled out of her, and embraced her again as the both stood up.

“Uh-oh,” He said, “The cleaner won’t like that.”

She turned and followed his gaze towards the large wet patch on the couch.

Using her foot whilst holding him for balance, she nudged one of the cushions over the stain.

“There – no-one would ever know!” she said playfully.

“Let’s go to the beach.” he said, taking her hands and kissing her again.

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EROTIC STORY: “Not Allowed”

EROTIC STORY: “Not Allowed”

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She shivered as he pushed his fingertips gently through the hair at the side of her head, his warm palm covering her ear as he pulled her soft lips towards his own, hard at first with hunger, and then softly – like he was tasting a fine wine.

He used the same hand to draw her head back, and she kept her eyes closed for a moment as she held onto the feeling of that kiss, finally opening them to meet his own blue eyes. Usually bright blue, they were almost black now – a sure sign his mind was totally on her and what was to happen next.

The kitchen around them faded, and he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close enough so that he could bury his nose in her wet her. He loved the way she smelt when she’d just got out of the shower. The way all her skin felt so soft and warm. Even the ultra-soft white dressing gown she wore.

Sliding a hand inside it, he smoothed his hand up over her belly, fingers caressing the side of her breast as they kissed again.

She pulled his hips into hers, feeling him already hard through his jeans.

Pushing him back, her fingers unzipped his flies.

He grabbed her ass in both hands hard, pulling her to his chest and lifting her up off her feet, sitting her on the cold wood of the table, making her gasp and grin at the same time.

He kissed that grin, opening her gown and sliding it off her shoulders as she dropped his jeans to the floor with his boxers still inside them. She reached for him but he pushed her back down onto the table.

He stripped the shirt over his head, before pulling her roughly to the edge of the table, her legs wrapping around his waist, and his penis dangerously close to her.

Leaning over her, he kissed softly at her breasts, sucking a nipple as she ground herself against his hardness, feeling her moisture spread over his shaft. She squirmed to try to position herself for him to enter her, but he pulled back, standing upright again, but still resting up against her.

“No.” he said through a smile, thrusting slowly forwards so that his whole length ran against hers and back down again.

She moved again, trying to embrace his tip, and let out a small cry as he pulled himself back from her yet again.

Staying between her legs, he grabbed a couple of cushions from the chairs, once more leaning over her – and sliding against her clit again – as he placed them under her head, tenderly kissing her. She felt his dick twitch as he kissed her, and her whole body tensed in frustration and need.

Then he stood upright again, very slowly dragging his fingertips down the sides of her body – tickling her ribs, leaving trails of fire over her hips, moving up and in over her inner thighs. She gasped his name.

His fingers wrapped around his own shaft, and then swirled over his head, spreading her juices over himself. She went to sit up and reach for him, but he gently but firmly pressed on her stomach with his other hand, pinning her back down.

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He gripped his shaft and moaned as he ran his cock along her again, slowly, holding himself against her entrance for what seemed like an eternity, and then working his hand steadily up and down. When she glanced up she was surprised to see that he wasn’t looking down there – he was watching her face.

She held the eye contact, and realised how hard she was breathing – and how much he was turning her on. She could see from his face how much she was turning him on, too.

His eyes dropped, looking at her pussy, darting over the curves of her hips and her breasts. His hand stroked at her belly, too where it still rested on her.

But always his eyes sought out her own, and stayed on them for the longest.

She wanted to touch him. She wanted his hands to be hers. She wanted him inside her.

Instead she watched him as he watched her. She wasn’t even aware that she’d been playing with her nipples until she moved her hands slowly down over her body, and it was like an electric surge through her whole aching body as she touched her clit.

He watched her hands travel, and she watched his own hand, moving in that hypnotic motion. She spread herself wide open for him, his cock only millimetres from the wetness that was by now dripping from her.

Her mouth hung open in anticipation, hoping he would take the invitation and plunge himself deep inside her – but also hoping that he wouldn’t.

He didn’t.

She could feel his warmth he was that close to her, and her mind was in overdrive with the teasing.

He felt the same, half crazy with his own need for her, and his pre-cum dripped onto her – something she might not normally notice, but her and now she convulsed, her legs dragging him against her, and she cried out loudly as his cock again touched her clit.

But he pulled away again – his smile lost this time in his own pleasure. She fought desperately against her orgasm, and held herself right on the brink. His hand working up and down so close to her…

He was close, too, his eyes half closing, and as she reached between her legs again to open herself to him, he came hard, back arching as his stream shot over her, some shooting into her wet hole as she crashed into her own orgasm with one slightest touch at her clit.

He looked down at his cum over her belly. It was so sexy.

Heavily flushed, she lifted herself into a sitting position, and this time he embraced her, kissing her shaky mouth as they held each other tightly – neither having any words that could say more than the post-orgasmic shudders that hit their trembling bodies in waves…

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“And then gently holding her thong to the side, he slid inside her…”

I used to be one of the main instigators for ‘Sex Blog Thursday’ on MySpace – where everyone would contribute by posting an erotic story or poem.  It’s quite shocking to think that it all ended 5 years ago, now!  Since then, I’ve been threatening to re-post some of the erotic short stories I wrote for this, but with most of my alias being now known through Facebook and stuff, I was too scared.

With the suddent spurting all over the scene by E L James and the ’50 Shades of Grey’ books, erotic fiction has now gone mainstream!  So, much as I tried to do with SBT, I’m going to post some of my erotica again to balance things out, and hopefully show that to be ‘erotic’ doesn’t mean you have to include bondage, spanking, and showing dolls up your arse to write something sexy.  You might even find some humour in my stories, too!  And so why not plunge in slow and deep with this one:

“And then gently holding her thong to the side, he slid inside her…”

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Yeah, they were bad – but as his finger stroked her own juices over her clit for the first time, neither of them cared.

With her parents in the room above them, only her gentle sigh broke the silence of the house, and she twisted next to him on the couch so that he could move his hands easier beneath her skirt.

He kissed her hard, one arm around her back as his other hand worked deep beneath her black lacy underwear.  The curve of her hips always seemed designed for his hands, and he pulled her tighter towards him.

Breaking off the kiss with another gasp, her hair fell forward over her face as her hands scrabbled at his trousers.

He took the moment to deeply inhale the clean smell of her hair, her perfume topping it off as she released him to the cool air in the room.

She pushed him back firmly as her hot lips slid over him, tongue flicking at him, only taking him in her mouth for a few strokes before he sat back on the couch herself.

He smiled, slipping off the couch to his knees, a hand on each of her spread thighs running up to move her skirt higher, then pulling her hips sharply towards his own as he shuffled closer between her legs.

She hooked a finger around the delicate material of her thong, and pulled it to one side, watching his face as he followed her fingers.

No further invitation was needed, but the hushed “I want your cock” sent tingles down his spine just as much as the feeling of his tip against her warm wetness.

He slid slowly and deliberately all the way inside her, watching himself sink into her, and only looking up to see her head thrown back in ecstasy when he could push in no further.

He held himself there, and then lifted her hips off the couch, pulling her even more onto him, watching her face intently.  He lowered her as he slowly slid all the way out of her, her eyes flicking open to meet his for a fleeting second before he thrust quickly and deeply into her, lifting her with his hands again.

This time she cried out, biting the knuckles of one hand to stifle the cry, and grabbing at his arms.

Leaning forwards over her as he fucked her rhythmically, his hands moved to her breasts, and hers clawed at the back of his shirt.

She pushed him away from her, and turned herself so she was on all fours bent over the couch.

He pulled her thong to the side once again, before grabbing her hips hard and plunging into her again, slowing as the couch creaked, then speeding up again, unable to stop themselves as she pushed back hard against him with each thrust.

Both sweating now, she turned back around, arms around his neck as they kissed and moved with each other.

She buried her face against his shoulder to stop herself from crying out, feeling his body starting to tense up, and that’s when the bedroom door above them opened!

They both stopped dead, listening to the footsteps to see if they were headed down the stairs, and she clenched tightly around him, hoping to stop him from cumming.

He let out a throaty yelp as his orgasm came, the feel of her around him pushing him over the edge rather than holding him back, and her arms wrapped around him almost painfully as his spasms took her into her own release.

For long moments they stayed like that together, thankfully hearing the footsteps moving to the bathroom upstairs.

“I didn’t want you to cum!”  She whispered. “I thought that would stop you!”

He groaned and kissed her.

“No chance when you feel that good…”

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50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

50 Shades Of Grey – Acceptable Porn

You have probably been battered around your lady-parts lately by all this excitement over the book ’50 Shades Of Grey’ by E. L. James.

Everyone is going mental over it… err… ok – so by ‘everyone’ I mean the same kind of women who went mental over the Harry Potter books.  Of course, with this book being of actual adult material, it’s been attracting the interest of even more people than the scarf-wearing geeky twat for retards.

And speaking of twats – that’s pretty much what 50 Shades Of Grey is all about!Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for porn.  Just stop trying to dress it up as something else!

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Oh, sure – they’ll call it ‘erotic fiction’, but essentially that just means it’s all the writing from pornographic magazines compiled and expanded without the pictures.And ‘erotica’ is never just about straight sex anymore.  It’ll be whips, chains, spanking, klyster suits and two girls eating each others shit out of a cup!

Yes, I AM a bitter ex-writer of erotica – and I’ve had this rant before about how ‘erotica’ these days can’t just be about a couple having sex.  Apparently it’s not ‘sexy’ until a toy soldier gets shoved up someones arsehole.

So this book is pretty much designed to get women, in the words of ‘The Inbetweeners’, frothing at the gash.There will be lots of one-handed reading going on, if you know what I mean?

Even more astounding given this fact, is that so many people are trying to get hold of second-hand copies off others!?!

“Are the pages stuck together?”  Would be my first question!  Then I’d also be purchasing some disposable gloves and anti-bacterial gel.

I suppose one good thing that will come from this mass hysteria is that it may open up the market for erotic writing again… So maybe I should start reposting the stuff I used to put up for Sex Blog Thursday on MySpace?