GTA V Heists

GTA V Heists

FINALLY, Rockstar have released the heists update that they’ve been promising us for years!

I have to say, I was rather enjoying reading the comments on their pages every single time they released anything (and they have released loads of totally free content) where people would have a major whinge!

I played GTA 5 pretty much for my whole life since its release.  It was only when I got Dragon Age Inquisition for Christmas that I stopped playing it.

So, after my near-3 month gap, I waited a few days knowing the servers would crash, and logged in for the updates.

They took ages, followed by nothing actually working, anyway.

I then gave it a few days and tried again.

This time, I could get into lobbies promising heist stuff, which then either kicked me out or something weird happened.  One time I go to do a set-up for a heist, which involved me having to play some shitty ‘snake’ type game to hack something or other.  Then it was all over, and I couldn’t do anything else, so logged off.

Well, you would log off, wouldn’t you?  I wanted to shoot people in the face-bone and rob banks.  Not play fucking shitty 80s mobile phone games!!!

Last night, I tried one more time.  I had to play Snake AGAIN for hours, as I tried to guide the shitty light through a maze instead of anything anyone in the fucking world ever would want to do on a game.  Fuck you, Rockstar.

I tried a few set-ups of my own, where I’m funding stuff and Level 4 people send you messages saying “Pay me $100,000 or I’m leaving the game” – I’m level 177 you ignorant 12 year old fuck!  Or some I joined where the leader was set to take $270,000 cut from the heist whilst paying me $40,000!

WTF are you rubberheads on?!?  Unsurprisingly, most people drop out before anything happens, so you spend hours on GTA these days sat waiting in lobbies, or playing fucking Snake for fuck-all cash.

Then I managed to meet some of my crew, and got down to proper heist action!

We all had some banter over our headsets, before jumping on a dustbin lorry and thraping it around, picking up bin bags and shooting people in the face-bone, at last!

The online experience really can be awesome when you’re actively chatting and having a laugh with people!  I know this applied even before the heists – I’ve spent many hours playing online just because I was having a laugh with real people from all over the world as we played.  ‘Tis very good!

It seems that a few things have changed in the few months I was away.

Firstly, how the Hell is everyone else so skint??  I have about 4.7 million in the bank, so I guess that puts me in a good position to run the heists, as someone has to pay up front for them.  I will be setting some up for the crew.

Technically, I have less now, because the second thing is a couple of new vehicles that I bought.  The only really notable new vehicle is this:

The Karin Karuma.  A sportscar that feels like one, but it’s got filthy great big plates of armour all over it that actually WORK!  This means you can sit your whole crew in there and blast some f00’s out the window in safety.  It does understeer a bit, and is far from the best handling car, but it will outdrag a Double T bike – so it’s not shabby!

And there is (at last) a homing missile launcher, so you can get that irritating twat in the Buzzard who keeps picking you off.

I believe playing heists will unlock more vehicles and weapons.

It is proof that Rockstar listen to us, and you can’t fault them for keeping a game alive that’s been around for a while and is still the greatest!  And there’s more to come…

Just FFS get rid of ‘Snake’.

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