Crying For Christmas
Merry Christmas to one and all!
Or apparently not, this year – because it looks like everybody wants you to have a fucking cry.
Cute isn’t enough for this festive season – we need a good dose of empathetic misery.
John Lewis released their TV advert this week featuring a penguin who gets all lonely and the boy keeping him gets him an, err, female penguin for Christmas. (then someone sits there with two toy penguins reenacting their penguin porno – but we won’t get into that!)
Sainsburys have gone for the angle with soldiers. Aww! Have a quick cry!
M&S soon followed, and the Coke advert, although I haven’t seen it myself, no doubt features cancer, or something. And, it’s not ‘The Holidays’, you tits.
Have you seen the newest one? There’s a car crash and someone loses their leg and both eyes, but some cunt buys them a bag of frosted gingerbread from Lidl and a troop of gibbons sits somberly in their own shit around a dying puppy.
I’m not sure if this is some kind of attempt at population control, considering the suicide rate increases ten-fold at this time of year?
Well, I say ‘this time of year’, but feel I should also point something else out:
It’s NOT fucking Christmas!
It’s EARLY BASTARD NOVEMBER!
We’ve just had a Halloween party, and the Zombie Jesus was nowhere to be seen, because the cunt wasn’t born for nearly TWO MONTHS!
By the time the 25th December does arrive, we’re all going to be so miserable and desensitised we’ll think nothing of taking the piss out of the latest AIDS or animal cruelty advert, as we tuck into the Christmas pudding that’s already a month out of date.