Bulls Do Not Like Monkeys!!!
I grew up in the small village of Alvechurch. As a rural area, walking for 5 minutes in any direction put you in the middle of a field.
This was great as kids and is still as good today!
There are also many beautiful places I know of which are hidden away, and that makes them even more special when I reveal them to new people in my life. Of course, they were also great places to go and get pissed/stoned/build fires etc.
One day I was with my mate in one of our favourite haunts. We’d had a few, and were in good spirits. It seemed, however, that the farmer had decided to put a herd of around 30 bullocks into our field.
This came as a bit of a shock, but they seemed pretty nervous, and were huddled together at the top of a slope and leaving us alone.
I do a great impression of a monkey. I caper around, screeching like a an angry chimp and flinging my arms around. I thought this might impress the bulls. Well it caught their attention straight away.
They all stood staring at us, and we thought it was all hilarious! Ha ha! Stupid bulls don’t know what to make of me!
Then they started moving towards us.
Brave as we were, we decided straight away that the best plan was to run away like a pair of monkey-impersonating girls.
They sped up and broke into a canter.
Crashing between some bushes, we flung ourselves down a steep bank, still laughing at this point. The bulls stopped at the top, drooling down over us as we carefully judged how to best get some of the trees between us and them if they decided to brave the slope. Simple enough – if they came down we’d put a tree between us and them and hop away to freedom.
We knew they were really mad when they started stamping their feet and snorting at us! Surely bulls only do that stuff in the movies??? I looked at my mate. He looked back at me. We both looked at the bulls.
Some of the bulls ran off to the sides – then we realised… THEY WERE COMING AROUND BOTH SIDES!!!
It was still funny because it was absurd, but our laughing was now tainted with a good healthy dose of Terror!
We separated, and somehow I got the short straw. Ahead of me was a swamp.
I looked back to see filthy great snarling bulls charging towards me, and that was all I needed!
I ran into the swamp, water slopping up past my knees as I went directly through the middle, then I hit hard ground and legged it across the open ground, praying the swamp would at least slow them down!
Luckily, it did, and I made it out of the field and met back with my also-escaped mate!
So lesson learned there – Bulls do not like monkeys.
And I’m an idiot.