Humans Are Mad
It has long since come to my attention that we, human beings, as a species, are stark raving mad.
Getting past the fact that we’re all just bloody weird creatures (some more wonderful than others), a lot of the things we do and eat and wear don’t make the slightest bit of sense. I guess after religion stuck it’s filthy paws in and repressed our natural animal instincts, it’s not all that surprising.
Here are some of the reasons:
You look untidy… untidy… still untidy… wrap a totally useless bit of material around your neck – Oh, you must be an honourabel and dapper gentleman!
No, if this wasn’t ‘traditional’, you’d look like a dick.
WTF do we need flat clothes for? Any hippie tells you they’re saving the world, tell them how much of the Earths natural resources they waste on ironing!
We don’t have flat bodies. Your freshly ironed clothes stay that way for about 4 seconds until you have aq sit down, put your coat on, or move at all. And you want to kill all the worlds baby seals for THAT?! Shame on you!
Fling your arms around, jump up and down and move about… that’s cool! Do it slightly differently, and people laugh?! It’s ALL mental!
We all love to see animals doing a cute little ‘dance’, don’t we? Well that’s you. And that’s your mother.
We’ll happily eat chicken, but a pigeon? Hell no, you dirty git! And who the Hell first discovered cow milk and why?! Or frying things in oil?
The one time of year when, all of a sudden, that orange peel you throw away in disgust is suddenly more appealing than a kebab from Charlie’s after a night down The Black Cross. Get it eaten!
Raw lemon peel? Mmm – why not put that shit in a cake! Lovely!
And that wine you enjoy, but insist it needs to be chilled to the same temperature as a polar bears heel? Heat that stuff up!
Hell, lets throw some bloody cloves in, too! Everybody suddenly turns into a garbage-eating, pot-pourri munching tramp for Jesus’ birthday!
Keep on doing your big pink talking monkey thing, folks, and I hope you all have a great 2014!