‘Most Haunted’ Rant

Most Haunted’ Rant

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For those of you who haven’t had the pleasure of seeing this, it’s a UK TV programme where a bunch of paranoid schizophrenic cock-heads go mentalling about special ‘haunted’ sites attempting to film all kinds of spooky goings on.

What we get is some freakishly jittery little cunt who screams at everything and every two minutes will stare at nowhere and say “WHAT WAS THAT?!?” whilst grasping the cameramans todger in a vice-like grip.

Occasionally, she will point at a random ‘orb’ floating around looking ‘spookily’ like a torch beam or glass reflection.

Partnering her is the Psychic Medium Ghosty Woo Gaa-Gaa King.

‘Derek’ is a Scouser, who, after sniffing far too much glue in his teens, has figured out that he can call the shrieky little wench (‘Yvette’, if you’re interested) a “fucking bitch slut whore” in front of millions of TV viewers by simply putting on a rock ‘n roll snarl and saying he’s possessed by a ghost.

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As the expert, he’ll also go all misty-eyed and distant, as he describes how an angry ghost called – Phil… Phillis… Fellatio? Oh yes, I mean Stan – once stomped through this stately home in anger after bad mojo made him wank himself to death in the 14th Century.

The camera crew are the ones who didn’t get through the auditions to do ‘The Blair Witch Project’ but their Mommy did buy them a camera that sees in the dark.

They also have a few random chubby people who need a sit down halfway through the episode, and mysteriously feel all ill and queasy.  Sometimes they’ll lay down in a bath and moan about how they’re slipping down as if some Evil Spirit is pushing them down and down and down.  Even though we can all see the cunt-wigs are just sat in a bath having a sook (one for you Aussies, there!).

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Every 20 minutes or so, someone will pass out from boredom somewhere on set, causing a nice *THUMP* that will get everyone excited.

If nobody passes out in time, one or all of the crew will hear a thump or footsteps that the cameras weirdly won’t be able to pick up on their sound – but they DID hear it, ok???

Wait!

Did you hear that???

Yes – I’ve just shit in my own hand and thrown it at those paranormal mongs on the TV.

Please fuck off.  Please.

I guess at least it builds up an audience of desperate rubber-heads who will pay to keep the shitty fake Mediums in business…

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5 thoughts on “‘Most Haunted’ Rant

  1. Is there a genuine, bone fide medium out there? Can you hear me? No response…… Maybe some believe they can talk to the deceased but I don’t (think they can).

    • It depends what you believe a medium can actually do? Are they speaking to the dead? Are they picking up on the persons feelings etc? Is it a parallel universe they’re tapping into?
      I trained as a Spiritualist Medium myself, but even I’m not sure what was actually going on. I do know it ‘works’ for some people, though.

  2. Well yesterday, after discussing the ghosts with my boyfriend, he asked me if I had seen the man. Absolutely NO CLUE what he was talking about. Apparently my boyfriend is very aware of surrounding spirits and said that the ones in our apartment mean no harm. This man, however, he said was from a different time, with Victorian era clothing perhaps. And that he had only seen him in the bathroom adjusting his cuffs.

  3. Well yesterday, after discussing the ghosts with my boyfriend, he asked me if I had seen the man. Absolutely NO CLUE what he was talking about. Apparently my boyfriend is very aware of surrounding spirits and said that the ones in our apartment mean no harm. This man, however, he said was from a different time, with Victorian era clothing perhaps. And that he had only seen him in the bathroom adjusting his cuffs.

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