Things Pissing Me Off Lately

Things Pissing Me Off Lately

Lollypop Ladies

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Or Men – whatever. Modern times and all that.  These are the people in high viz from head-to-toe holding a big-ass lollipop, who step out into the road to allow all the little kiddy-winkles to cross in safety to get to and from school.

Except, these days, they only do this at pedestrian crossings!?

WTF?

So this fluorescent twat of a person, who is probably ‘a bit paedy’, basically presses the fucking button at the crossing that a kid with half a brain would press anyway, and then only steps into the road when the lights are safely green and all traffic has stopped.

And schools moan about budgets?  Get to fuck, you money-wasting twats!

And that’s not to get into the fact kids should be pressing teh crossing buttons for THEMSELVES to teach them to do it when Lollypop Mong isn’t there.

Restaurant staff

How about the rotten cunts at restaurants who come around, just as you’re enjoying a mouthful of the food you’re paying extortionate prices for, and ask if everything is ok?

FUCK OFF! Do you want me to choke to death or spit my bastard food out all over you as I answer?

Well, you’d better duck, mother-fucker!

The Royal Baby

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Everyone on facebook posts about it, moaning how it’s all over the news and they can’t avoid it and they don’t care etc.

The fucking irony is that I avoid the news (it makes me write ranty blogs), and Facebook is the only bastard place I have actually heard this news!

I don’t give a shit.  Wha-wha Royal Baby – I hope fucking Rumpelstiltskin gets it.  And you, for putting it on my Facebook feed.

And whilst we’re on about Facebook,

People who include a location for every -ing post on Facebook

I hope you get run over there. Then I’ll know where to come and laugh at you.

Otherwise I don’t give a kippers dick where you’re geeking about on your iPad 6 Thpethial Spak phone. Cunts.

Fancy cheese

Not the cheeses themselves, but the way you only get certain types in bloody useless wedge shapes.

WTF are you supposed to do with that? It’s 2012 – give me a -ing square block I can actually slice and put on my sammich!

And then there are the packet cheeses you see that are about 1/2″ thick and 6″ long. Who the FK eats that and HOW??

Secret Eaters

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These are the latest ‘Fix a Fatty’ TV programmes. Basically they follow a lummox around secretly for a week keeping track of what they eat, then ask them to tell the truth about why they’re fat.

They plead they’re big boned, and don’t actually eat very much apart from the odd salad, before it’s revealed they’re eating 16000 calories per day.

Bollocks have you ‘forgotten’ the 3 portions of chips you bought between lunch and tea. You’re a greedy fat cunt and it’s all your own fault.

Come Dine With Me

This is the show where people host dinner parties for each other to see who is the best.

Aside from Welsh people always cooking lava bread, and Scots always serving haggis, there is always some lying little toerag who claims this is the first time they’ve ever made their chosen dish.

Get to fuck, is it!

Nobody but a mong would go on a competition program and NOT cook their finest dish that they can do! You’re not fooling me, just like every single cunt on X-Factor who has a sob story. Coincidentally.

Supermarket staff asking if I need help to pack

Yes, I do! Now pack it all up for me, bitches! Shouldn’t have asked, should you? Cunts.

 

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