Poor Women And Their Terrible Online Experiences

Poor Women And Their Terrible Online Experiences

I’ve been subscribed to this blog for a while (and I suggest you do, too!) but this little ditty about online niceness got me all Frothy-Mouthed Gaa-Gaa about halfway through.  Take a look, and then know that the blog below is my opinion on it:



Suck it up!

Ooh!  Save the poor women!

I’m a member of several biking forums where women are treated equally – in fact I’m often surprised to find out that a user I thought was male turns out to be female.  And then I carry on not caring and forget again.

And while we’re on the subject of wittle wadies being forced out of ‘mens discussions’ online I cough a big hearty “bullshit” at you.

Blogs written by women get loads of hits.  This may sound a little bitter and sexist, but I firmly believe… nay – I KNOW that this is simply because they are female.

Possibly because of men hanging on hoping to get a shag, or possibly because of other women hanging about to criticize – but publicity is publicity!  And that’s why we’re doing it!

It is absolute bollocks that women writers have a harder time of things.  Sure, they MAY (allegedly) come in for more abuse because of their writing, but tough titty.  Like I just said – we do this for views of whatever kind.  For every “DIE YOU SNAKE-TITTED CUNT!” comment a woman writer gets, she will get 4 more telling her how great/beautiful she is, or how they were looking for a snake-titted cunt exactly like her.

And don’t even get me started on Erotic Writing.

*breathes heavily*

OK – you got me started!

Men aren’t supposed to write erotica.  Those who do, have to write weird violent shit that is mainly read by cross-eyed men with a hammer hidden in their raincoat.

If a man writes erotica and anyone from The Real World outside the internet ever finds out, they face ridicule and hostility and disgust.  From REAL people.  Face to face.  Not just on some shit computer you can turn off and STFU about.

And that includes men who write the more vanilla erotica, such as myself.  I have no doubt whatsoever that to make my stories infinitely more saleable I’d simply have to call myself Maybell Definately-Hasntgotbollocks.

So it really depends what you do online.  If you’re just mentalling around Facebook looking at pictures of your ex’s new girlfriend, then it’s a bit harsh when hairy-palmed men with their pigeon chest displayed in their profile picture start emailing you.

But if you’re on the internet to be popular, then pull your head out of your balloon-knot and realise that attention you’re having a cry about is what’s got you there.

So shup.


6 thoughts on “Poor Women And Their Terrible Online Experiences

  1. Disappointed, dude. All rant, no substance (which is unusual for you). Your perspective is somewhat skewed; and what’s more, some of what you’ve said up there is rather offensive in itself – here’s why:

    Women don’t write because they seek the approval of men. Everyone craves approval in a general way (societal constructs and that), but people (all people) don’t usually write specifically to gain the approval of others. Usually, we write for a living. If we’re lucky, we write for fun too. Positive comments are always lovely to receive; constructive negative comments are usually very helpful.

    But, here’s the thing: if I’m not writing about my looks, or fashion, or sexuality generally, why on Earth would I want a comment pertaining to those things? It’s not ‘nice’ and it certainly not welcome. It’s patronising, creepy and stalkerish. We don’t rate our writing based on how many men like the look of us; how patronising is that?! How would you feel if everyone based their value judgements of your writing on your looks? A little pissed off, I would imagine. Or at the least, very dismissive.

    Just as negative comments don’t have to be aggressive or threatening. Most people are happy to accept constructive criticism. They are not happy to accept (and nor should they have to) threats or bullying. Not all publicity is good publicity. It’s not good when it’s threatening or filled with hate, it’s just unpleasant. Some people may be ‘on the internet for attention’ as you put it, but that doesn’t mean it’s acceptable to stalk/threaten/bully/harass them, and I think you know that.

    I also don’t believe that blogs written by women get more hits: please cite your sources!

    If something a woman writes is attacked because it’s shite, that’s fair enough. But what makes you think it’s okay to launch a personal attack on a woman because you didn’t like what she wrote? Or a personal attack on a woman because you don’t like women? (Not YOU, you understand; I’m using the royal you here.)

    Your experience of being a man writing erotica is more than likely true; I wouldn’t know, it’s not something I ever write and it’s not a circle I ever move in. But do you not see the irony in stating your difficulties there in the very next breath to telling us women to ‘suck it up’ and ‘stop whining about nothing’? From my perspective, you’ve got nothing to complain about. See how that works? But I suspect that it’s probably true, which is unfair.

    Don’t, then, stand there and tell women that we have nothing to complain about. Our perspective is a little different. And as for our complaining? Well, you really don’t know the half of it. Most of it becomes background noise after a while, and we put up with shit we shouldn’t have to just because it becomes normal.

    Bottom line: for professional women writers, it is still more difficult than for men. We are not all lying and whining about this; mostly we just get on with it like the woman whose blog you link says. But it is true that women get a lot more unpleasant abuse than men do – or if men get really unpleasant personal abuse, they’re not talking about it. And they should be, because it’s not acceptable!


    Crikey, that was an epic comment, sorry! It started with “STFU, muppet, you’re wrong” – and morphed into a reasoned explanation of why 😉

    • Bloody hell – I thought my reply the the original blog was long lol!

      Very good points, and where to start…? I was going to say I HAVE ‘sucked it up’ myself and accepted the way things are. If I wanted to make my erotic writing saleable I’d use a female pseudonym – until I do, then that’s life.

      My source for my observations is mainly from the heyday of MySpace. Almost all the ‘Top Bloggers’ there were women, and even the top men got nowhere near the views or comments that the women got. And then those women, of course would moan about all this unwanted attention, as they placed in the top 5 daily blogs yet again…

      That always stuck me as a bit hypocritical, to say the least.

      A lot of online writing/blogging forums leave the writer open to derogatory comments, and again that’s just the way it is. Other more focused (or professional) platforms I don’t think it’s fair for the writers to expect that kind of thing.

      So in my experience women get far more amateur exposure for their writing. I don’t know the figures at the top end, but the only book sensations anyone will be able to name straight off in recent years are both by women. Journalists etc I honestly have no idea – I would suspect there are more men in this area, though.

      Umm… I think I was working around to a point but lost it. 🙂

  2. 😀 My points often get lost. I nailed this one down because, for once, I actually give a shit 🙂

    I may be old-fashioned, but I don’t believe it is acceptable for ANYONE to have to take the kind of abuse that is dished out to many female writers. It doesn’t matter how popular they are, or how many readers they get, nobody asks for *that* kind of attention, and nobody deserves it.

    The women on the blogs you refer to were not moaning about all the attention. They were complaining, legitimately, about online abuse. Which is as unacceptable as offline abuse. But I think you know that too 😉

    I don’t think that making nasty personal comments should be criminalised, because that way lies all sorts of badness. But it is indicative of a much wider problem in today’s society: misogyny is making a comeback. Sorry, but it is. And this is just one facet of its ugly face. I’m not a feminist, I’m an equalitist. (And a maker-upper of words.) It’s more important to change people’s views: to change young men’s views that women are equals and should be treated as such in every area of life. That people everywhere are deserving of being treated with respect and kindness until they prove otherwise, and even for a time after that. That any kind of abuse anywhere, from anyone, is unacceptable and should be challenged.

    It saddens me a little that you (and probably a lot more people) say that is ‘just the way it is’ and everyone should accept it. It’s wrong, and nobody should accept it. End of. Making a stand and talking about it, like your Jezebel blogger, is a step on the way to change, and if that hadn’t happened we’d still be putting black people at the back of the bus and criminalising the gays.

    So there 🙂

    • That’s true, but I ain’t gonna be the one to fight it! There was actually a bit of money to be made off it back in the old PI days…

      I think men get such a mixed message now of what ‘equality of the sexes’ actually means that most just give up on it all, because we lose either way. The rest write nasty little emails to random women. Have you ever looked at YouTube comments? WTF?!?? Surely nobody can still be as ignorant as to think they’re completely anyonymous online?!

      Of course, if the Police actually DID anything about some of the nastier stalker types then they might be a bit more worried about the consequences of their comments…

      But I do still maintain that if half your hits come from haters, it only works in your favour.

      Oh, and there are still some from both sexes who write whatever happens – and God (other deities are available) bless them for that! 🙂

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