MARTIAL ARTS: Only ’Girls’ Get Strangled Or Bear-Hugged!
Over my 26 years of study, I’ve been told a fair few times that I should teach women’s self defence or something. Not because I fight like a girl. I hope.
I’ve taught many friends (and some enemies, I guess) a few techniques to get them out of nasty situations. In fact if anyone ever thinks they’ve found the ultimate hold or anything, I’m happy to let them do it on me so that I can show them how to get out of it. I love doing this, because it brings out the core values of Ninjitsu – i.e. being able to adapt to any situation and win.
It’s always confused me when I see ’real self defence’ classes (especially ones aimed at women) who always and without fail will teach their students how to deal with two types of attack:
’Bear Hugs’ and ’Being Strangled From The Front’.
Now, maybe this is just me, but not a single one of the people I’ve taught has requested defences for these things.
Do you even know anyone who’s ever been attacked on the street by a bear hug or a front strangle??? Who the hell is going to attack anyone like that???
Yet these moves are always the core of their self defence systems. Go figure.
For those who don’t know what it is (and this is nothing to do with Plushies, you perves!!!), it’s where your attacker will wrap his arms around your upper body, most often pinning your arms to your sides, and is then able to crush you or carry you away.
If they do this from a face-to-face position, the chances are that on pure instinct you will drop your head forwards and smash their teeth out. Not to mention your legs are free to give short, sharp hoofers to their shins or knee them in the bollocks. In the unlikely event that this natural flailing won’t make them let you go, have a good old chomp on their neck and face.
If they haven’t pinned your arms to your sides, no doubt before you have time to think you’ll be beating away at the sides of their head. I’d recommend clawing their eyes out and shoving your thumbs as deep into their sockets as you can. If you have some strength it’s even possible to snap their neck by lifting slightly below their jaw both sides and then twisting their head.
If they’re bear-hugging you from behind it could make you panic more – but you’re far from helpless!
If your arms are pinned, it’s always worth a go at throwing your head back into their face. If they’re a lot bigger or they’re a zombie whose head has fallen off backwards, you may not be able to make contact this way. Or they may have tucked their head in tight to yours so you can’t get a good smack in.
Don’t panic! It’s not over yet! You should also bear in mind that whenever you’re using your head as a weapon there’s always a chance that you’ll knock yourself out. You don’t want to do this, so if possible only nut someone as a last resort!
Anyway, so in this case you can’t use your head. What you want to be doing is simply smacking your heels backwards into their legs. All these shin-kicking type moves I’m advising here are assuming you’re wearing shoes – and the harder they are the better. It will work barefoot, but not half as well! It should still be enough to get you out of the hold either way.
Also, if your arms are pinned you’ll usually be able to work your hands between you and the attacker and crush the fuck out of a big handful of testicle. Do it.
If they’ve grabbed you from behind but left your arms free, they’ve made a big boo-boo!
Lift both of your arms up to shoulder height, bent at the elbows like a chicken getting ready to fly, and then twist your whole upper body left and right in turn rapidly.
After a few tries you’re bound to find your elbows will smack into your attackers head, and when this happens it will bounce their head to the other side, so that when you twist the other way you make even harder contact with their noggin. This will knock them right the fuck out VERY quickly. It might hurt your elbows or the backs of your arms a bit, but the rapid twisting will also be great for slimming fat from your sides and hips – so it’s worth a bit of pain!
If anyone has ever successfully strangled someone whilst stood up, it would have relied almost totally on the victim freezing up. “Oh God! He’s got my neck and I can’t breath! What can I do???”
Well, I’ll tell you what you can do:
If they’re stood facing you, and have simply reached their arms out and wrapped their big sweaty palms around your throat, you’d have to be a bit simple to get choked unconscious.
There are loads of techniques taught to get you out of this, and sadly, a lot of them will fail against a stronger attacker, causing you to panic even more and quit. QUITTER!!!!
First off, when trying to break any hold, one technique might fail. It’s no biggy – just try something else! Just don’t keep on trying something that doesn’t work – for the main reason that they’ll know what you’re trying to do and will just make damn sure it won’t work!
Of all the escapes that I know, there are two which will work 99.9% of the time for everyone.
The first is to simply put your hands together, and then raise them hard and fast inbetween the arms of your Strangler. This should bring your shoulders up between his hands, twisting his grip off your neck. Easy-peasy lemon-squeazy! Run free, slightly-red-necked unstrangled person!
The other is to twist your whole body sideways. This may work alone, but I’d also recommend that as you turn to the side, raise one of your arms and put it over the top of both of their arms (go on, give their face a quick hook on your way!). This creates a huge amount of leverage as your armpit forces their hands off your neck. You’re also in a great position to leg it as soon as you’re free.
Of course, if you’re pressed with your back against a wall or something, yo may not be able to do this one, but the first should still work as long as you can get your arms up between theirs.
If they both fail, or you just want to make sure they won’t be strangling anyone again for a while, use both hands to grab hold of the fleshy part of their thumb (or their thumb itself, or even their little finger) and rotate their hand away from your neck, whilst twisting your body, until you hear their wrist snap. It will put them right off.
This is also the best technique for someone strangling you from behind, although the second ’twisting away’ technique should work too, obviously with you throwing your arm backwards over theirs as you twist.
There, now! You’ve got no excuses for getting yourself twatted, have you?
Now go and try it out with someone – but go easy and do it half speed at first so you can feel how it’s all working. This is stuff that WORKS and doesn’t need you to train for 60 years daily.