How To Ruin A Great Meal: Garnish Wankers



How To Ruin A Great Meal: Garnish Wankers


So, you’re all relaxed, sat there hungry and awaiting the meal you’ve just ordered with eager anticipation.

The waitress brings out your plate, and your mouth waters as the aroma of the wonderful food hits you.

You pick up your knife and fork ready to tuck in…

But, wait a second…

Some cunt has left half a holly bush on top of your fucking expensive meal!!!

Welcome to the shitty world of garnish.

“Top quality meal?  Ooh, suits you, Sir!  Let me just some shitty leaves on it for you that you can’t eat anyway because they’re fucking poisonous.”

How about I drop the nut on you, you cunt-wig?

I went out today, and ordered an apple and rhubard crumble.  Imagine my surprise when they brought it out with two huge fucking great stinging nettle leaves on the top!

In Spain a few years back with my fiancee, we’d discovered an awesome beach-side coffee shop.  Every day we went there for the best damned iced latte you’ve ever tasted.

One day, seemingly at random, our orders came covered in raw coffee beans.  I wasn’t sure why?  Maybe this was some reward as we were giving good tips?

I had a chomp of one, and all was revealed.  Fucking garnish.

Inedible bastard junk that posh twats obviously insist on.  It tasted like I’d poured some fucking Nescafe instant granules into my mouth.

Way to ruin things, Spakkos!

Is that what garnish is all about?  The servers are jealous that you’re able to afford their food, and so try to ruin it for you?

They never garnish food with something you’d actually like – like bacon!  Why the fuck don’t they garnish food with bacon and good stuff?

Sometimes the shit they put on is made of plastic!

All it does is makes it look like you’ve dropped the damned food.  Why the fuck would I want to have to pick shit off before I can even eat it?

Fuck off with the garnish you pretentious arse-clumps!

Or how about I start garnishing your fucking money with a well-formed lump of turd when I pay your over-priced bill, you cunts?




2 thoughts on “How To Ruin A Great Meal: Garnish Wankers

    • Well if any of it does kill you, I’d sue the garnish out of the bastards!

      I have to say that normally I can’t help but have a bit of the garnish. Just to see… It’s never a good thing. 😦

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