Mascara: Dip Your Head In Wax And Shove It In The Vacuum Cleaner Bag!

Mascara: Dip Your Head In Wax And Shove It In The Vacuum Cleaner Bag!

Another advert came on TV the other day for mascara.

Mascara is black shit women paint on their eyelashes to make them stand out.  Job jobbed for 40 years…

But THEN, some twat decided all women need to have thicker and longer eyelashes.

Not content for dumb chavvy cunts to stick 4 sets of false eyelashes on each eye so they’re so heavy they look like they’ve had a fucking stroke, some absolute arse-wank came up with the bright idea of ‘volumising’ mascara.

The basic aim of this is to convince idiots that THEIR brand of black shit somehow works miracles in that it makes your lashes thicker and longer.


Have a fucking think about it.

HOW exactly can anything you paint over something else make it thicker or longer, other than sticking loads fo shit over the painted item?

“Coats your eyelashes in so much shit they look bigger and longer!”  This of course with the caveat that 11 out of the 15 women surveyed agreed.


Why don’t you women just hand a flap of furry carpet from your forehead like some kind of fucking tarantula and be done with it??  Or maybe dip your head in hot wax and roll a moulting cat over your eyelids?

Because that’s where you’re headed!


4 thoughts on “Mascara: Dip Your Head In Wax And Shove It In The Vacuum Cleaner Bag!

  1. Hmmm you often say what I am thinking (and probably others too). I heard someone say they put two layers of false eyelashes on…I think this must be really unconfortable because I find even a layer of mascara feels horrible now.. In the days of yore (or when I first used mascara) I used to ‘borrow’ my mums and it was in a compact and you wet a brush to pick up the black stuff (I used to just spit on it! but dont tell my mum)

    • LOL I’m lost with all the make-up stuff. Every week someone comes out with something supposedly ‘better’, the prices increase massively, and everyone buys it. And it looks exactly the same as the stuff 30 years ago. 😐

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