You Got Knocked The Fuck Out!
The aim of most fights is to knock your opponent out. Actually, the aim of most of the Scrotes around these day is to knock you out and then tapdance on your head for 15 minutes, but that’s another story…
People always ask me (well, one person back in 1989 hinted he’d like to know) what is the best way to knock someone out. What’s the best way?
The simple answer is that it’s actually not that easy.
We see it in films all the time, where someone will belt someone on the jaw and they go straight down, out cold. In reality, most times they will just look at you, all angry and stuff, and then hit you back, right in the face. If you’ve ever watched ‘Lock, Stock & Two Smoking Barrels’ then you’ll remember the scene where they’re trying to knock the traffic warden out… That’s how it usually goes…
Of course there are several ‘knock out points’ on the body – boxers will be well versed in these basic ones that you can whack, and there are also loads of pressure points that require more finesse. The real joy is that all of these is that anybody can catch them completely by accident. Or the flip-side is that some people are seemingly immune (especially after alcohol or drugs).
The basic ones are on the temple, the point of the chin (towards the back of the head), the side of the jaw, and between the top lip and the bottom of the nose.
Most people will swing punches at their opponents head to get the knock out, but there are some great ones lower down, too.
Another major one from boxing is the liver. As you look at your opponent, the place to hit will be just where their elbow falls below their rib cage on the right hand side of their body. This will send a jolt through their whole body and produce a knockout that’s delayed by a fair few seconds. If you’ve ever been hit here you’ll know what a pisser it is – and also that you can literally tap someone here and they’ll still go down.
It’s also really easy to use a quick deception such as raising one hand slightly then twatting them to the body where they won’t be expecting it.
There are lots of pressure points even in the legs which can cause a knockout – would I recommend chancing them in a life or death situation? Hell no. Stick with the proven stuff.
The humble slap is often very underrated. Not only does it make your opponent look like a bitch, but I can tell you first hand that you can easily cause a knockout. In fact, it’s far preferable to punching, as you have less chance of breaking your knuckles or hurtig yourself – and you cause a lot of blunt trauma and shock damage with the added bonus that you can burst their eardrum. Ok, so you might look like a bit of a sissy who slaps like a girl, but the chances are nobody will call you on it if someone is lay at your feet snoring in a puddle of blood and snot.
The neck is also a great target for knockouts – but be aware you’re quite likely to kill them and spend the rest of your days in jail muttering about only wanting to knock them out and not murder them…
For this reason I’m not going to give you these here. Please bear in mind that even the cleanest knock out still carries the risk of killing them, if not from the blow then from smacking their noggin on a table or whatever as they fall into their little slumber. If you don’t want to kill someone – don’t fight them!
If you can’t knock them out, or are just feeling nasty – cause as much damage to them in as many ways as possible – and that’s something we’ll cover in another blog…