TalkTalk Rant

TalkTalk Rant

For those of you who aren’t familiar, TalkTalk are a broadband and home phone provider, and the ‘Rainbow Song’ that I keep referring to is this:

Again and again and again and again.  Just imagine how many times that song on a loop fits into 4 hours?  So here is the letter I’m sending in to them to resolve some issues:
– – – – – –
Dear TalkTalk,

Whilst generally I would say I am happy with the service I’ve received, having thought about it for a while, I am now wondering why.

For well over a year the connection has just become ‘expected’ to drop out on average two times per hour.  For the last few months, between the hours of 17:00 and 23:00 this can be expected to be ten times per hour… twenty times… sometimes much more.  I’m not entirely sure how this ever became acceptable?

Still, for the privilege of this service, it appears that the price plan which I am on hasn’t even existed for at least the last seven months.  It hasn’t existed because it has been replaced by one costing half the price.

Apparently, this isn’t worth actually mentioning to me, despite the initial contract I was tied to being over well before this.

On the number of times I’ve had to call your technical support because of total failures in internet connection, your staff have managed to remedy the problems and get me back connected to the dodgy service – obviously only for between 2 and 30 minutes at a time as usual.

Even better, during these phonecalls whilst waiting for several hours to speak to support, I’ve had the extreme ‘joy’ of discovering that TalkTalk has one, and only one song that they own the rights to.

Yes, this means I have spent approximately four hours of my life to date listening to some weak, soulless hippie singing that f**king ‘Rainbow’ song.

Over and over and over and over again.  The SAME b*stard song.

Whilst this may be just dandy from your point of view, to any customer actually having to sit through it, I can assure you that it is an experience which quickly induces a state of psychosis and depression during which I have often considered eating my own face to get it to stop.  The cat has recieved numerous murderous glances just for making a sound or being within my red-misted field of view as the phone speaker cracks as I’m again informed “There’ll be a rainbow” as the c*ck-nosed singer reaches the crescendo of the chorus.  Again.

Personally, I hated the song anyway, but I should imagine that ANYONE calling the TalkTalk technical support line, even the biggest fan of the Rainbow song in the world, would at the very least hate it with a passion afterwards.

Anyway, enough about the dreadful music.

What I propose is I leave TalkTalk and go to a broadband provider who can afford more than one song.  Actually, considering how much I have been overcharged as a long-term customer, it’s quite amazing that you don’t have the funding to spend on an 80s mix tape or something instead?

Alternatively, I propose that my price plan is changed to reflect every other TalkTalk customer (i.e. dropped to the regular lower price), and the additional months where I overpayed be credited to my account.

Also I would like an engineer to come out to check the TalkTalk line and equipment, and think it would be rather nice to have them swap my ‘g’ router for the far more functional ‘n’ type like all the top broadband providers supply.

Yours sincerely,

Nasty Evil Ninja

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