Nasty Emo Ninja
I cut myself.
No, I don’t mean “I cut myself, woe is me etc”, I mean I very nearly sliced myself in twain!
Most of you will know I’m a bit handy in the kitchen, and I make sure my knives are SHARP. I’ve switched to a ceramic chefs knife as my main tool, because it’s -ing awesome!
I’d just finished using it to make my sandwiches, and luckily washed off the Birdeye chilli’s I’d been slicing, and put its sheath back on, and for some reason my index finger caught the blade near the handle as I slid it back in a perfectly executed push-cut.
I felt it scrape across the bone which used to be covered by finger flesh and knew instantly I was in the poo. There was very little pain because the bugger is so sharp, and it was so clean and deep that it barely even bled unless I opened the cut up.
I had a quick check fo any loss of feeling, movement and to make sure I hadn’t sliced through any tendons, and all seemed ok. I compressed the wound for a while after washing it, decided it was pretty nasty and needed stitches… but I had a job interview the following morning and didn’t fancy getting to casualty at Midnight and waiting forever. PLus where it was would mean they couldn’t stitch it anyway.
So, thinking back to what I’d read about superglue being invented for the battlefield during the war, I got out the strongest glue I had and used it on the cut.
Having been very careful about sticking my hand to things, it held up fine until a shower the next morning softened the glue and it bled again. I re-glued it and went off to work.
The next day the glue had worn away, and my finger seemed to be held together ok with no more blood!
I know what I’ll be using in the future if I manage to stab myself up like a Londoner.
And on a related note, I watched a documentary last week about people (kids) in America (no comment) who believed they were Vampires and craved blood. They would routinely cut each other and lick/suck the resulting blood. Absolute bunch of Knob-Jockeys who said their souls were corrupt and all that malarkey. One of their Mothers was in full support and even sat there whilst they tried to cut themselves (with the bluntest -ing knives I have ever seen in my life?! I mean, surely if your whole being is cutting yourself you’d get a blade that could break the skin in less than 20 attempts???) and ‘feed’.
I’m pretty sure that’s an arrestable offense for a supervising adult, but meh.
And even better were the group who thought they were Werewolves. They were pretty much the same as the Vampires, but they… wait for it… *sniggers* these ‘werewolves’ wore a stick-on tale on their little emo jeans!
What really got me was the way both of these groups would pick and change the rules, and just say “Yeah, that’s how us vampires/werewolves REALLY do it”.
The best of these was the girl who hung around with the werewolves, but insisted that she was actually a fox, not a wolf.
They did make one good observation, however: why don’t all the Emo kids who cut themselves do it for the vampire kids to feed on?
It’s a good question, and one that Charles Darwin would be very interested in, I’m sure.