Nasty Emo Ninja

Nasty Emo Ninja

I cut myself.

No, I don’t mean “I cut myself, woe is me etc”, I mean I very nearly sliced myself in twain!

Most of you will know I’m a bit handy in the kitchen, and I make sure my knives are SHARP.  I’ve switched to a ceramic chefs knife as my main tool, because it’s -ing awesome!

I’d just finished using it to make my sandwiches, and luckily washed off the Birdeye chilli’s I’d been slicing, and put its sheath back on, and for some reason my index finger caught the blade near the handle as I slid it back in a perfectly executed push-cut.

I felt it scrape across the bone which used to be covered by finger flesh and knew instantly I was in the poo.  There was very little pain because the bugger is so sharp, and it was so clean and deep that it barely even bled unless I opened the cut up.

I had a quick check fo any loss of feeling, movement and to make sure I hadn’t sliced through any tendons, and all seemed ok.  I compressed the wound for a while after washing it, decided it was pretty nasty and needed stitches… but I had a job interview the following morning and didn’t fancy getting to casualty at Midnight and waiting forever.  PLus where it was would mean they couldn’t stitch it anyway.

So, thinking back to what I’d read about superglue being invented for the battlefield during the war, I got out the strongest glue I had and used it on the cut.

Having been very careful about sticking my hand to things, it held up fine until a shower the next morning softened the glue and it bled again.  I re-glued it and went off to work.

The next day the glue had worn away, and my finger seemed to be held together ok with no more blood!

I know what I’ll be using in the future if I manage to stab myself up like a Londoner.

And on a related note, I watched a documentary last week about people (kids) in America (no comment) who believed they were Vampires and craved blood.  They would routinely cut each other and lick/suck the resulting blood.  Absolute bunch of Knob-Jockeys who said their souls were corrupt and all that malarkey.  One of their Mothers was in full support and even sat there whilst they tried to cut themselves (with the bluntest -ing knives I have ever seen in my life?!  I mean, surely if your whole being is cutting yourself you’d get a blade that could break the skin in less than 20 attempts???) and ‘feed’.

I’m pretty sure that’s an arrestable offense for a supervising adult, but meh.

And even better were the group who thought they were Werewolves.  They were pretty much the same as the Vampires, but they… wait for it… *sniggers* these ‘werewolves’ wore a stick-on tale on their little emo jeans!

What really got me was the way both of these groups would pick and change the rules, and just say “Yeah, that’s how us vampires/werewolves REALLY do it”.

The best of these was the girl who hung around with the werewolves, but insisted that she was actually a fox, not a wolf.


They did make one good observation, however: why don’t all the Emo kids who cut themselves do it for the vampire kids to feed on?

It’s a good question, and one that Charles Darwin would be very interested in, I’m sure.

2 thoughts on “Nasty Emo Ninja

  1. Several things I could comment on from this blog (which is, as ever, good reading… maybe its because I am just plain nosey love evesdropping in on peoples lives…). However, I wont because I have been Thanksgiving today. Have to say ceramic knives are superb and do the business well. Mine are fairly new and not sure what to do when they go blunt and I cut myself about the second use and it hurt (nice and clean but flipping sore).
    Vampires and werewolves… fantasy. I guess ever since Bram Stoker wrote the first novel (think he was the first author) copy cats and nutters would latch on (with their incisors) but it has gone beyond a joke the last ten years or so since Buffy burst on the the tube. Over here, in supermarkets and magazine agents there is a section for Vampire and Werewolf magazines – one caught my eye the other week entitled ‘Bloody Kiss’. This is in France and a section sandwiched between Sante and Moto mags. BLOODY strange if you ask me. Working at a college in about 2003 there was a student who wore all black, had red contact lenses and had had his incisors shaved to points. I expressed my concern at working in a place that had someone who thought they were a vampire but was dismissed ‘oh he is fine…’. I wasnt convinced then. Today I am more convinced my boss thought I may have been the one with the problem – vampire prejudism and all that… ha well…Happy Thanksgiving

    • LOL i would LOVE to learn that that kid is now working in a butchers shop or something!

      How come you’ve gone all ‘Merkin with Thanksgiving and stuff? I thought it was celebrating us pale faces whupping tham thar Injuns butts – so not much call for it over here where we never even saw a black face until Lenny Henry did a European tour in 1987?

      I do get the whole power thing with vampires and werewolves, but they may as well be proclaiming they’re -ing Care Bears for all the sense it makes. Especially when they seem to be able to pick and choose which parts of the mythology apply to them! That documentary was so screwed in the head!! I can’t find the name of it anywhere or I’d have hopefully found a YouTube video to link to… Ah well…

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