Sick As A Dog & The Cure
I’ve just been ill for the last… Seven days. It started with a virus-type feeling with a stomach upset, and just as I thought I was recovering I got slammed with something even worse. I don’t think I’ve been that ill since I was a little kid. I guess it wasn’t entirely bad, because I spent a lot of that time suffering from the Trippy-Woo Gaa-Gaas.
I’m not trying for your sympathy here, because it’s hardly like it was life-threatening. Money-threatening, yes – on an agency I don’t get sick pay, so it’s gone down ‘nicely’ after a holiday and buying an engagement ring. But none of this is the point of this blog.
For your average cold/virus/infuenza/lurgy, is there REALLY any ‘cure’ that makes the slightest bit of difference?
Everyone reaches straight for the paracetamol, which I don’t think makes the slightest difference. OK, so the shooting pains I was getting all over my body may have been eased a little, and of course it should work on a headache, but what is it going to do against anything else? It’s crap. So we go all Lemsip – basically paracetamol and vitamin C.
Ooh. Big whoop.
By the time any vitamin C actually gets into your system, anything nasty will be long gone! Waste of time.
Nasal decongestants are crap. There are some which used to be legal which absolutely DO work, and are pretty much an instant cure – if you can get hold of them and want to risk being done for taking class B drugs. And that’s if you can drag yourself out of bed and get down to Druggy Daves bedsit in the first place…
Cough mixture? Again I’m dubious. If your lungs are enflamed and you’re coughing up Kermit, how can tipping soothing liquids into your stomach help? Yeah, I know they’re probably chock full of more crappy useless drugs…
So what are we left with that’s worth anything?
Alcohol? It’s almost always a winner. It does everything your other legal drugs do, but also gets you pissed! And the way I see it, if you’re going to be ill then you may as well be pissed as well! At the very least you’ll feel better about being ill!
Natural cures again are a bunch of arse. Honey? Lemon? Git art of it!
Chilli works to an extent. Chomp on a Thai Birdeye and see if that clears your sinuses! The really hot ones will get you high on an endorphin rush, and they contain more vitamin C than any other fruit. Of course, they also have a laxative effect, and that won’t go too well with a stomach upset…
Some believe hot chilli will burn out the fever – which reminds me of another method…
When learning Systema, I heard that a the crazy Russians of Spetsnatz have their own cure for general Lurgy.
Every hour or two, they head outside with two buckets of ice water, and tip them over their heads – the theory being that it raises your core body temperature for a few moments and burns out the badness.
I can see how it might be more effective than paracetamol, but can’t say there has been a point over the last few days where I’ve felt capable or willing to do that one.
It would make you a proper hard bastard, though.