Come On Then, You Hairy-Legged Bastards!!!
This blog was originally posted in August 2007 on another site. I’m re-posting it as there seems to be another plague of these huge spiders – except I haven’t seen a single one in my house so far! You’ll have to excuse the crap camera phone pics:
Old Mr Spooky-Giblets has done it again!
A year ago, when I posted about the Plague Of Daddy Long Legs in the UK, I predicted this would happen!
Now, here is what I was greeted with as I was heading to bed last night:
That’s a spiddy that you wouldn’t get a pint glass over without seriously ‘remodeling’ the length of his legs.
As if they were planning some sort of peaceful -ing poker game or something, as I looked towards the other walls I saw this:
Ooh yes – the pics don’t show them in their full hairy-assed badness, but these are all the same size as Mr T’s head.
So I shot them with an airpistol. Fuck them.
Ok, so I shot two of them. The first one, I took out a trusty Tonfa stick, and after two attempts to mash me some arachnid brains, his Ninja skills proved more than my own, and, dropping to the floor, he galloped off under the telephone table. By the time I’d got downstairs, he was nowhere to be seen. Keep an eye on the next Grand National, because that thing needed a damn saddle on, and I’d happily whip it before it left the enclosure! Either way it’d be a winner!
As all modern Ninja should have some firearms skill, I took no chances with the other two.
And they weren’t alone!
I’ve killed another three equally well-bred beasties in my house in the previous two nights!
I mean, you don’t often see a Bastard of spiders (that’s the collective name for a group of them) this size! They don’t get on! One of those fkrs patrolling the halls like the school bully who got made a Prefect is more than enough in one household.
Even scarier, they don’t get that big overnight – so where the hell were they all hiding???
I don’t know how long spiders live, but I’d bet any money that these are all at least a year old and the product of those dopey bastard Daddy Long Legs that we got millions of last Summer!
Well done to them!
As I was posting this blog, I saw what I believe to be Gallopy on the sofa opposite me! This time I tomped him with the TV Guide (two hits), and put the carcass on a box of Silk Cut to give a size reference! Bear in mind his legs aren’t what they were in his running days, and stretched out they were at least twice what you see here: