Girly Cosmetic Stuff
The female health and beauty industry is worth literally more than £200 per year in the UK alone.
I’ve said previously that this is mainly for the reason that women are stupid.
Don’t get me wrong – it’s all very nice when they do themselves up to look pretty, but we have to remember that most of it is fake.
I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that the image of you that us males will remember is NOT after you’ve spent three hours primping and preening in the bathroom. The image we WILL remember is waking up next to you, with your hair all over the place, pillow lines indented in your face and wearing no makeup at all – THAT’S how we’ll be wanting to remember you!
So why do you do it?
Why spend £37 on the latest mascara? Because I’ll tell you now that it WON’T make your lashes look longer or thicker! It’s a -ing colour! You could get the same effect by taking a permanent marker to your lashes!
And hand cream? WTF is that stuff about???
You rub a cream into your hands to stop… what, exactly? Wrinkles?
I have some news for you here: Wrinkles form where parts of your body move. Your skin IS going to get wrinkled.
Look at it another way: Do you see that old wrinkled lady over there? Yes, the one still slapping on that expensive anti-wrinkle cream. Do you see what the lesson is there? Oh, and look at the equally-wrinkled husband sat next to her who’s never used that cream…
You only slather yourselves in that crap because your Mother did… as did her Mother… and her Mother… all the way back until people thought the Earth was flat, smoking was good for you, and smashing women over the noggin with your club was the best form of foreplay.
What the Hell ever happened to being yourself, and growing old gracefully?
(Keep shaving the furry bits, though!)