More Snot And Pollen Than A Wurzels Gig!
Do you get hay fever?
I never used to. I mean, I used to SAY that I did, to get off playing some of the shittier sports on the school field. Like running and cross country and the rest of the crap they torture kids with. But I never actually HAD hay fever.
Until a few years ago…
If you haven’t had the joys of it, what happens is your snot glands suddenly decide you should be covered in the -ing stuff like a human slug or something, and produce copious amounts, whilst your eyeballs send a signal to your brain that they’re filled with a tramps pubic hair, before swelling up and leaking all over the place.
Welcome to Summer time!
Every year since that first time I’ve been hoping that this will be the year I’m immune to it. I mean, FFS I already get ‘Nosebleed Seasons’ where my snout pisses claret randomly for a week or two. I’m pretty sure that this is something to do with pollen, too, so what’s with this snotty teary shit on top of that?!
Anti-histamines are of course the cure (not for the nosebleeds, though), but even then you have to get the right one for you.
I tried all the Citrizine Hydrobastardquartine and Biffidus Digestivus or whatever tablets and they worked, but only for a few hours before it was Hobo-Teabag-In-The-Eyeball time again.
What I did find that works for me is the nasal sprays. They seem to work all day, and don’t make my nose bleed like I expected!
There are other ways to make your body produce natural anti-histamines, though… and the good news is that the best of these is sex.
So the next time your partner complains about a blocked-up nose, you know what to do!
This might not be quite as acceptable a cure when you’re at work, though…