Bottom Of The Legal Monkey Tree

Bottom Of The Legal Monkey Tree

It’s probably about time I gave you a Job Update, because I know some of you are nosey buggers.

I had a weeks training before starting the job, which was a mixture of information overload, boring procedures, learning how to use several (flawed, of course) databases, and a bit of a laugh with the trainers other trainee Monkeys, too!

I started wondering what the Hell would take us a week to learn for a job that is essentially at the bottom of the Legal Monkey Tree (especially as we’d already gone through a gruelling half day interview to get that far), and finished up realising that nothing can ever really prepare you for any job where you will be dealing primarily with The Public.

Public Monkeys are a whole new kettle of fish.  Whatever you think you know about a job, some Public Monkey will find something to completely stump or even shock you.

I basically have to provide Public Monkeys and Professional Monkeys with information and resolutions to situations to do with The Law.  This sounds fairly easy, but when you’re plunged into a completely foreign world using all kinds of unfathomable acronyms and technical language, this can be bloody hard work to try and answer the random questions that Public Monkeys will dream up.

On my first day going live, I was a lot like a rabbit caught in headlights.  I knew where the safety of the warren was, and was pretty familiar with the layout of the fields, but with a car bearing down on you like illuminated Death, getting back through the hedgerow without getting splattered was sometimes much harder than expected.

With each passing hour, I am learning more and more, and becoming more relaxed and confident in my ability to do this job.

And then, of course, Public Monkey asks for something so left-field it smashes you in your right ear!

This can be a downside to the job when Public Monkey is angry, knows more than you do about your job, or is just a plain bastard.

This is a definite upside when you can help Public Monkey through their despair, or if they’re a bit… umm… you know… a bit of a Frothy-Mouthed Gaa-Gaa.

A prime example of this so far has been a Monkey who, when offered the choice of legal aid for his case, launched into a rant about how legal aid was:

a) A Government Conspiracy.
b) A way for The Rich to keep The Poor down, and
c) A Satanic Conspiracy.

We’re not allowed to express any kind of opinion on Legal Monkey matters, but can you imagine just how much I was dying to ask about this last one?  Especially as Public Monkey was telling me all this very calmly and rationally, as I’d gained his trust and was now his friend.  And he stated these three facts about legal aid THREE times!

I fully appreciate he’s probably a Nut-Nut, but I would LOVE to have a pint with that man to hear him out!

There is also the occasional crossover with some of my previous work where we’d often have to work in the grey areas of the law.  These are very interesting to hear, as I’m speaking to the people we’d be working against!

I am finding that after constant phonecalls my voice is knackered towards the end of the day.  It’s almost as if my mouth is exhausted, and some words like ‘statistics’ seem almost impossible to say!  Weird stuff, but I guess I’ll get used to it.  This isn’t being helped by some weird Lurgy that’s affecting my throat and sinuses much like you get at the start of a cold.

Friday is supposed to be the main day for weird calls, so hopefully I’ll get some that I can safely mention on here!

The job looks good!  Helping Monkeys can be very fulfilling – plus there are prospects for climbing further up the tree…

For now just hope they go gentle on me, and my voice holds up.

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