Angelina Is Not Pretty!
After having previously ranted about ‘Unfunny’ Owen Wilson, who seems to be ruining every comedy film of the last 5 years, I feel it’s only right to focus on some of the Hollywood wenches who piss me off.
One of the most publicised stars of the big screen over the last 10 years is the stunningly beautiful Angelina Jolie.
All women want to BE Angelina.
Those huge lips… beautiful looks… her sexiness and attitude…
She’s been voted World’s Sexiest Woman in just about every magazine – both those aimed at men AND women.
Men drool over her.
*sound of a record scratching to a halt*
Right from back in 1995 when she was in ‘Hackers’ I was one of the few left there with a look on my face like I’d farted halfway through a yawn, whilst everyone raved about her. Don’t get me wrong – she’ ‘ok’. I’d probably fuck her till her nose ran if I was high on crack and she was grinding on me like an old rickety collie having a fit. I’d agree she probably was the perfect choice to play Lara Croft.
Only… I’m not a Geek, and video game characters don’t turn me on either. So I stayed silent about this – until recently…
Have any of you seen ‘Changeling’ yet?
She. Looks. Rough.
Does anyone disagree with me here? It’s only now that I can point out her big half-moon concave looks-like-someone-kicked-a-football-into-her-chops that I’ve found HIGHLY disturbing in all her films! And that includes Mr And Mrs Smith – which I think is her best film.
And that brings me to something else! She’s EVERYWHERE, right? Star of a million great films – the best actress of our time etc, right? Umm… and then you actually take a good look at the list of films she’s been in:
# Wanted (2008)
# Changeling (2008)
# Kung Fu Panda (2008) (voice)
# Beowulf (2007)
# A Mighty Heart (2007)
# The Good Shepherd (2006)
# Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
# Alexander (2004)
# The Fever (2004)
# Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
# Shark Tale (2004) (voice)
# Taking Lives (2004)
# Beyond Borders (2003)
# Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)
# Life or Something Like It (2002)
# Original Sin (2001)
# Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)
# Gone in Sixty Seconds (2000)
# Girl, Interrupted (1999)
# The Bone Collector (1999)
# Pushing Tin (1999)
# Playing by Heart (1998)
# Hell’s Kitchen (1998)
# Playing God (1997)
# Foxfire (1996)
# Mojave Moon (1996)
# Love Is All There Is (1996)
# Hackers (1995)
# Without Evidence (1995)
# Cyborg 2 (1993)
# Alice & Viril (1993)
# Angela & Viril (1993)
# Lookin’ to Get Out (1982)
Well slap me ’round the face with a dehydrated chicken if there aren’t only about FIVE damned films in that list that even scrape into the Good Film category – let alone Great Films!
I have nooooooooo idea what the majority of those films are. Sky Captain and the World Of Tomorrow?!??! They’re making that shit up now!
So what is it? A winning personality?
Umm… isn’t she a bit of a morbid bitch who likes knife-fighting with her sexual partners? Three marriages? Possible affairs? And she seems to be adopting like it’s a new fashion (which is still FAR better than buying tiny fucking rat-dogs).
Do you know what I think?
I think ALL her publicity and status is created by women. Women who are jealous of her because she’s porked Brad Pitt… and even more so because she ‘won’ him from Jennifer Aniston.