Worship Your Weak Heros
The world is going to shit.
Kids are unruly at best, and stab each other in the japs-eye at worst (or if they live in London), the criminals have more rights than your average law abiding citizen, and a ‘celebrity’ buying a new thong carries more news headlines than a natural disaster.
Adults don’t even read anymore, and if they do its childrens books about wizards!
WTF is going on?
I’ll tell you what: We don’t have any role models. The closest we get to a role model is a choice between an alcoholic wife-beating rapist of a footballer, or a poncey metrosexual hen-pecked fashion whore of a footballer.
Ooh! Choices, choices…
What we don’t have is any real Hero’s anymore. Even in fiction, our ‘Hero’s aren’t exactly the Herculean, err… Hercules or even a pre-horeseriding-accident Superman.
Oh no – we get weak, pansy-assed weeds like this:
Don’t get me wrong – whilst the books in the whole LOTR series bored me more than an impotent Vicar at a lapdancing club, I actually enjoyed the films quite a lot. Apart from one thing, which – as you may have guessed – are the hairy-toed limp-dicks pictured above.
Hobbits. Yeah, sure – have them in the film doing their thing, but FFS don’t make THEM the Hero’s! They’re the cute little aside as the Hero sweeps through actually getting stuff DONE! Nobody should want to BE a damned Hobbit!
Horrible, sneaky little weak, scared, indecisive, couldn’t-punch-their-way-out-of-a-wet-paper-bag dick-heads!!!
And just as everyone is getting over them and back to decent LARP costumes like Barbarians and Evil DeathfuckI’mhards, who comes along???
They’re all a lot like Superman, actually – no, not the one with the head-stick and dribble – I mean the spastic that was Clark Kent before he took his glasses off. As if he forgot he was actually Superman and never got around to saving anything but Dungeons & Dragons playing cards.
We all look up to Clark Kent as our Hero and role model rather than Superman, and nobody is saying “Hey wait a minute! Where’s the passion? Where’s the power? Where’s the fucking HERO-ness???”
Then again, none of us could tell the difference between Clark Kent and Superman as long as he wore glasses and used less hairgel, so is it really all that surprising…?